Here Goes Nothing (something!)

[bring em all in]

I have to fill out forms for Social Security disability. When I've tried in the past I get in such a panic attack! It's hard for me to even write legibly. I don't want to include triggers but you know what panic attacks/anxiety feel like already!

Still, it must be done (I've put it off for months now). Besides the panic attacks, part if it is that I feel like such a failure not being able to work. But it is what it is. On a continuum, I'm much closer to being in-patient than getting a job- and who would hire me when my 29-year teaching career ended with the school district's independent medical examiner declaring me unfit to return to work?

So, I'm feeling rough and decided to post before turning my attention to the paperwork.

 

[Mim28]

I don't think you are a failure. I think you are a human. I can only speak for myself but I am trying very hard and the reality is I am not ready to return to work. I have almost 30 years into my organization and it's breaking my heart, but my body and mind aren't where they need to be.
Be kind to yourself. hugs if you want them.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@bring em all in , I am so sorry you are going through this, but I can relate a lot to your post. I was shaking earlier as I was typing out my evidence list for the packet I am going to send for the disability appeal hearing I have to go to this month. My initial application for disability was denied and I am super anxious about this appeal. I was a teacher, too. I resigned, but it was not an easy decision and I couldn't have continued in my current state. I had a very difficult fall because I felt like a complete failure not going back to work. Part of me still feels that way and having to deal with getting the disability doesn't make it any easier. So I wish you luck in your process and also know you aren't alone and you aren't a failure.

 

[Friday]

Good on ya. Paperwork is my enemy.

 

[bring em all in]

Thanks for the feedback! I completed most of the paperwork- I just needs to look up a few details and I'm finished. I listened to a track I have of Buddhist chants while working- and it seemed to help.

I'm not sure which is tougher- convincing myself that my condition is really that bad or accepting that my condition is that bad. I kind of put myself in a no-win position through my interpretation of my situation!