General He's Wearing His Dog Tags Again?

[CCurry]

Hi SheCat and Isupporther,

Thanks for your posts. All my friends are celebrating Thanksgiving with their families this evening so there's nobody I can be with right now.

SheCat do you think I should stop calling him, is that going to make him retract into himself even more so?

Isupporther, thanks for you IM, I'll see you around that neighborhood.

C

 

[Deleted member 541]

Carmela,

If you are as comfortable as you can be under these circumstances that he won't hurt himself, then I think that you should just let him be. I know that this is hard, but the only thing it does when you keep calling/texting, is push us further away, make us angrier, and it prolongs everything....

If you haven't heard from him in the morning, I would text him, and then tell him if you don't hear from him that you will call the authorities. You just need the words, "I am OK," and you will drop it, and leave him alone again.....

I know this is tough, but believe me, it's the best that you can do at this point.....

 

[CCurry]

SheCat, I will take your advice because he's not answering so I'm assuming his is not wanting to answer and maybe it is making him more angry.

I just called again, maybe my 5th call, and I was crying just asking to him to text me because I just need to know he's safe. No answer that was my vm to him.

This is agonizing!

 

[Pam]

Does he have a credit card? If he does, and you share it, you can look on the internet to see if he has used it. I know I have said this before, but seeking the advice of an attorney may be something you can do to help your own anxiety level. And I don't mean a divorce attorney. Also, have you heard of umbrella insurance? This is insurance that covers damage that you or your covered family cause. When I had a daughter out of control, we signed up for it. Didn't have to use it, but I know of other folks who did use it and it saved them from having to go to court and filing for bankruptcy.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Carmella,

You need to stop calling him. I know this sounds harsh, but you really do. He is on the edge as it is, and calling him is only pushing him further over. I know this has got to be hard on you, but believe me, his pain is a thousand times worse than what you are dealing with right now.

He is being tortured by the demons in his mind, the memories, the fear, the smells, the sights, and the sounds. Everyone of his senses are in overdrive. His mind is going at a thousand miles a second, and there is no way to stop it. It's like being bombarded in every direction, from everything in the world....He needs help, but until he is ready to get it, he will deal with this the best way that he knows how too, and that is by isolating........

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Carmela, Whenever you want to call him, post to us. I used to do that when my D would go off the deep end. I didn't know any better. I can feel in my heart the anxiety you are experiencing right now. Been there. It sucks so bad. I remember once just laying down on the kitchen floor with the phone in my hand, crying and crying, not knowing if he was dead or alive. It is the worst.

We are all pulling and praying (well some of us are praying...because that is what we do) for both of you.

Kat

 

[CCurry]

I know you're right SheCat and I know what you've said is exactly how is feeling. I've heard him say the very things that you have said in your last post so I know that you understand from a sufferers point of view. This is so hard to deal with, all I need to know is that he is safe, that he has not caused harm to himself.

Kat, I know you understand the pain that I am going through, the crying on the floor is something I'm familiar with.

The latest though...he just called me after about 7 hours after he left, he didn't even know I had left messages, he blanked out. He told me where he was going, I told him I needed to know. He said he spent all this time trying to ground himself and calm himself down. He's calmer now but I have to come up with a new game plan for myself, I cannot go through the agony of what I've been through this afternoon. I just don't know what the new game plan would be.

Now, I need to take care of myself with a bubble bath, a glass of wine and maybe some sleeping pills to get me through the night.

Thanks for everybody's support and James thanks for putting a smile on my face even though you may not think you did at all! I totally appreciate your kindness.

Carmela

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Carmela, always remember the 3 C's

You didn't CAUSE it.
You Can't CONTROL it.
You Can't CURE it.

And then there is the R one, which is hard at first, but it will help you both: RELEASE it.

What is bound on earth is bound in heaven. What is released on earth is released in heaven. Which means, sometimes the Universe works mysteriously and wonderously for the good of all concerned... if you let it. But you have got to open you hands and let go of what you are holding, trusting that what happens will be good.

Kat.

May I ask what state you are in?

 

[ISupportHer]

Sometimes I hate the phrase "Hang in there" but that is were we live sometimes.

It is good to see the rather quick support you received here tonight.

I truly think it is a prime example of how the forum works. Everyone helping everyone.

Of course, it is not over you you, your husband or any of us really.

So, "Hang in there" :smile: We all care!

 

[CCurry]

Thanks Kat- I understand the 3 C's, the rest is work in progress. Oh and we live in Canada.

James (Isupporther)- I couldn't have said it better myself, thanks to all for your support!! Now that I'm calmer I can give it back but I'll have to start tomorrow all this anxiety has given me a huge headache.

Carmela

 

[blackemerald1]

CC you are obviously closest to him. Are you talking to each other meaningfully or, is he reclusive? Does he go out alone and if so, can you ask where? If you think he might be angry with you for calling support services, is it possible for you locate a former member of his Unit or a friend that he might be able to relate to, and who is doing okay with civilian life or might be experiencing PTSD but doing better? It might be a way to reach the part of him that is beginning to regress. Maybe he will steady up if he can talk to this person.

I agree with the other members, this behaviour does not appear to be rational, and your instincts are telling you what is happening and with each change in his behaviour, appears to be an escalation. I think you and the other members are absolutely spot on. So,the time to act is now I think.

Try not to be too worried if he is angry with you for finding support for him, because not doing so, may have disastrous results for him, you and possibly the community.

Should he get angry with you, you can plainly explain why you are worried and bring up the subject with what else might comfort him, besides what he is doing. So, maybe him being angry with you and, if you can, reassure him you are there to help and that is why you have done what you have done, may help to settle his anger. It’s hard to say if he will see your attempts as some sort of betrayal but, I really feel, if he has not gone right over the top already, it is a risk you may need to take.

You are in a precarious position, but you are also in the best position to observe, engage him with you in talking and comforting him in his pain and PTSD and look for things that will pull him back from the abyss

Of course, you cannot understand what he has seen and done, but he is with you now and he clearly needs you.

I agree with the members comments in this forum, he needs the specialist treatment that should be available to him because of his service. Please don’t just take ‘no’ from these support services. You are his advocate and, you might have to get back to writing and ringing to get him the support he needs now.

Even though they are saying no to you now, push on for everyone’s sake. It is simply not good enough that having served his country,he does not receive all and everything he needs to assist him. It is a disgrace and I really feel you are going to have to be very strong and keep pushing and pushing.

Until you can get those specialist services, maybe offer to take him to the counselor instead of him going there alone. The counselor hopefully might pick up on his behaviours and even assist you in getting the proper treatment he needs.
Go well,
Kind regards
blackemerald1

 

[Deleted member 541]

Carmela,

I hope that you got some rest last night, and are better able to cope with things today. I also hope that your man will be more grounded today, and will be able to come home, and be safe till tomorrow.......