Hey There- This Is My Story. I'm Not Proud, But I Need To Tell Someone

[wishingonastar]

Hi there,

I suffered sexual abuse when I was around 7 to around 12. The horrible thing is, is that it was done by a family member. My own grandad.

I remember the first time it happened, I was so confused-a young naive girl who had no clue what to do/how to react/ why he was doing it.

He told me that 'everyone needs a bit of pleasure', and 'you must not tell anyone- its our little secret'.

I sort of blocked it out of my mind for a long time, I didn't want to remember it.
This all happened when my Grandma was still alive, and when I used to stay round stuff used to happen and she was completely clueless about it.

Then she died. I was petrified. I had to go round every week and I was horrified about what was going to happen. He made me do stuff to him, and he did stuff to me. But it was 'our little secret'. I couldn't do anything, if I'd said no I don't know what he would have done to me.

I never told anyone.

My grandad got diagnosed with terminal cancer in November and yesterday he died. I still haven't told anyone about it, but I'm confused as to whether I should. My family are all in pieces saying how much they miss him and what a great man he was and how kind and lovely and gentle he was.... Little do they know.

I don't know what to do, and its tearing me apart inside. My family would be devastated.
I've never told anyone about this, but I need some advice. Anyone?

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Wishingonastar and welcome to the forum :)

What a turmoil of emotions you must be in. Everybody grieving around you and you feeling distanced from them.

Don't do anything in a rush. Take your time and work out what is right for you. However you might just find that Grandpa had other grandchildren he was abusing. I have come to the conclusion that these events rarely happen in isolation - in my case I discovered that I was one of 6 being abused that were able to admit it, and others that were victims but were not prepared to come forward. They spoke to police but declined to make formal statements. I would be very surprised to find you were the only one.

As I see it, it is about who is going to spill the beans first. That does not have to be you if you don't want to.

Take care
Lucy x

 

[Lucycat]

I meant to add that your title including 'I'm not proud' says a lot. I read shame in that. Perhaps I am wrong. But I just wanted to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed about. It was NOT your fault. Telling you to keep it secret is such a common ploy, and we are taught as children to do as we are told.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Wishingonastar,

Welcome to the forum. I really feel for what you are going through. I tend to agree with Lucy. Don't rush into anything. Everyone's emotions are likely to be all over the place right now.

You have done really well to come here and share your past with us. If you don't already have a therapist, have you thought about seeing someone? It might really help to talk to someone. It might help you to decide where you want to go from here.

I don't think this is necessarily about deciding whether to speak out, just now. I think firstly you need to work through some of the emotions and difficulties you are having as a result of being sexually assaulted. It must be really hard to hear your family talking about how gentle he was, when you know different.

I would really encourage you, in the first instance to seek some support/ therapy from someone not connected to your family. Explore your feelings more, before you make a decision as to whether or not you want to talk to your family. You might want to start a diary [DLMURL="http://www.mysexabuse.com/forums/survivor-diaries-members.38/"]here[/DLMURL], to talk about what you have been through. It might sound scary to share what happened, but it can have a great healing benefit to be heard and understood.

We're not a bad bunch of people to talk to :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)