Hi everyone, I'm new here, and although I feel as I haven't been through as most as some of you guys tbh, I hope I can still share my story and maybe some people can relate
All my life I've had struggles, from a very early age I moved from Holland to Israel, and then back to Holland at age 9. I never felt really at place anywhere, and I had a father with what my therapist calls a 'sadistic' personality, but i basically knew him as a psychopath. I can remember emotional as well as some psysical abuse. My mother is a (C-)PTSD sufferer herself
To make a long story slighty shorter, when I was about 11 years old my father decided he wanted to get rid of us. First destroying us financially, but then the death treats came. The part I can't even tell my therapist is, that he lives/works in Africa, in the arms trade (not sure if that's the right term in english, but some really nasty business if you can imagine)
By that time we found out he tried to kill his own father's girlfriend.
Since then my mother began planning on killing herself, i've had to say goodbye to her multiple times. She couldn't take it anymore, the fear.. she would have rather done it herself than let my father do it. I felt the same.
At the time I started suffering from severe derealisation/depersonalisation. And major depression. I was instructed never to tell what was going on, so psychologists decided to test me on autism! Of course this turned out to be bullshit and i hadn't been to therapy since.
A few years later, my mother got herself a new boyfriend, and moved in with him. Leaving me alone. When she got back eventually, she blamed me for everything. I made her think of my father. She rented my room and made me believe I had ruined her life.
I didn't want to be a burden anymore, so at the age of 16 I moved in with a pedophile.
Now I'm 18, and back home. Just been diagnosed with (severe) depression, borderline and (C-)PTSD. Also derealization/depersonalization and psychotic symptoms.
All my life I've had struggles, from a very early age I moved from Holland to Israel, and then back to Holland at age 9. I never felt really at place anywhere, and I had a father with what my therapist calls a 'sadistic' personality, but i basically knew him as a psychopath. I can remember emotional as well as some psysical abuse. My mother is a (C-)PTSD sufferer herself
To make a long story slighty shorter, when I was about 11 years old my father decided he wanted to get rid of us. First destroying us financially, but then the death treats came. The part I can't even tell my therapist is, that he lives/works in Africa, in the arms trade (not sure if that's the right term in english, but some really nasty business if you can imagine)
By that time we found out he tried to kill his own father's girlfriend.
Since then my mother began planning on killing herself, i've had to say goodbye to her multiple times. She couldn't take it anymore, the fear.. she would have rather done it herself than let my father do it. I felt the same.
At the time I started suffering from severe derealisation/depersonalisation. And major depression. I was instructed never to tell what was going on, so psychologists decided to test me on autism! Of course this turned out to be bullshit and i hadn't been to therapy since.
A few years later, my mother got herself a new boyfriend, and moved in with him. Leaving me alone. When she got back eventually, she blamed me for everything. I made her think of my father. She rented my room and made me believe I had ruined her life.
I didn't want to be a burden anymore, so at the age of 16 I moved in with a pedophile.
Now I'm 18, and back home. Just been diagnosed with (severe) depression, borderline and (C-)PTSD. Also derealization/depersonalization and psychotic symptoms.
