Supporter Hi, I'm A Supporter Who Needs Some Support

[CMY]

If I may ask, have you tried talking to your girlfriend about this?

Thank you, for that. She is seeing a therapist, and is taking medication. I think I will speak to her about it. We always said that we have an open dialog. And for the most part we do. But I know that I sometimes don't tell her everything, because I do know she is going through a lot. And I suspect that she might not tell me everything too. I think setting up boundaries might help in keeping our relationship to remain healthy.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[safenow]

Researching and reading about it has definitely opened my eyes to a lot

I'd like to recommend a book for you both. "Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal", by Belleruth Naparstek. I was recently referred to it, and have found it to be very helpful. I believe you will too.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[StrongHeart]

I'll look into that book as well, safenow. My guy is in the middle of a dissociative episode and it's driving me crazy. He said he'd call me Friday night, had some bad news, texted it to me - and nothing since. I've reached out to him, but I never know how much is enough or too much. He said he appreciates hearing from me but he can't bring himself to respond. It kills me to be separated from him like this. When we're together and something like this happens, physical touch and holding him along with reassurance helps get him through it quicker. When we're not, like now, he just shuts down from everyone and it's days of this.

 

[safenow]

When we're together and something like this happens, physical touch and holding him along with reassurance helps get him through it quicker.

When he can handle physical touch again, he'll come to you. It's hard to explain where his head is right now. One in a while, just text and say something you two love about each other, like "Hi snookums. I'm here if you need a hug." Then, don't say any more until you hear from him.

I know for me, sometimes when I'm hurting or triggered, I forget the very person who can talk me down.

 

[StrongHeart]

I just got a short text from him and I hope it will lead to more, but we'll see. It's hard, too, because he travels for work for weeks at a time and we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. One time he said he had a dream while he was in the middle of a particularly bad episode and he dreamed that I was in his arms and he felt safe. I wondered at the time if his subconscious was trying to remind him that I can help.

I know for me, sometimes when I'm hurting or triggered, I forget the very person who can talk me down.

Thank you, safenow. I needed to hear that.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[CMY]

I would like to take the opportunity to apologies to the forum if I was abrupt in my first few posts; and my beginning blunders to replying to posts. I’m new to online forums and still trying to figure things out. Initially I was not in the right mindset and I think I reacted to certain things in the wrong way. Being new to the forum, that is not the best way to introduce myself.

Dissasociation, this especially goes out to you. Just as you don’t know me, I don’t know you. We are both here for the same reasons. I am sorry for my tone. I think you had the best intentions in mind, I just couldn’t see it. I do not expect anything in return; this just needed to be said. I don’t want my previous posts to represent my girlfriend or myself that way. Again, my deepest apologies to those who I may have offended. It will not happen again. I look forward to sharing more thoughts and experiences with everyone.

CMY

 

[CMY]

I'd like to recommend a book for you both. "Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal", by Belleruth Naparstek. I was recently referred to it, and have found it to be very helpful. I believe you will too.

I bought the book yesterday. It is very helpful. Thank you!

 

[StrongHeart]

In the middle of another dissociative shutdown triggered by an argument we had. He turned his phone off last night and then turned it back on around noon today, texted me quickly, and shut it off again without waiting for a response. I have a receipt on my phone so I can tell when people actually get my messages (I have this for my kids for when they visit their dad, not for him specifically). I'm not texting him anymore, though I did a bunch of times at first.

It occurred to me that much of his dissociation is related to a paranoia/fear and assumptions. He assumes that I want nothing to do with him and that he's bad for me. He also told me one time that in the back of his mind is the thought that maybe he'll piss me off enough when he dissociates for me to get fed up and leave. He said that he comes out of the dissociative state when being without me gets too painful. Things have changed in his world to that - he said he was always so lonely and withdrawing was just another way of dealing with the regular pain of his ptsd. He tells me he needs me, that I make him feel like a human being again.

It's very very frustrating, though. We had plans to go out tonight for Valentine's Day and that obviously didn't happen. That might sound trivial to those of you suffering from ptsd, but he was gone for 5 weeks for his job and I've only seen him once since he got back. We looked forward to tonight all week. Then, bam! plans were cancelled with no notification.

I don't want to lose him. i love him dearly. But I accepted a date from another man and I will be seeing him tomorrow; otherwise I would be sitting home crying my eyes out. I hate being in this position. It's happened more times than I can count, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight despite him saying he wants to work on us. And no, it's not okay to do this to someone who makes plans with you and trusts you to keep your word.

 

[CMY]

Jedi's Girl,

That's hard. I totally understand. It's been several weeks since I've seen my GF. She's having flashback from a different trauma that she didn't know was there. So she's been trying to recover from that. Yesterday, she said that she thought that she couldn't be a girlfriend anymore and that I deserved better. I think that our loved ones truly love us to the point that they want to spare us the pain from them being gone for so long. One of the books that I read said that that might happen. However, I think that some contact is a good sign. If he has ever withdrawn and come back before, then he will again. But, of course, only you can decide if it is really worth it. She gave me the option, but I told her I was all in. Who knows how things will turn out in the future. The only reason I could make that decision is because she still says something. So she hasn't given up. So I can't give up on her. Maybe after the pain of missing out on this special date dissipates, those feelings you have will provide a clearer path to a decision.

Best of luck.

 

[Nicolette]

I would like to take the opportunity to apologies to the forum if I was abrupt in my first few posts; and my beginning blunders to replying to posts.

Welcome CMY and in my opinion you have nothing to apologise for.

I do not agree with Dissociation's approach or opinion, so saying that, I welcome you to the supporter section to post and continue about your situation. The Supporters forum is a place where you are accepted to post from your point of view and while Sufferers can offer insight they have to respect you are on the other foot and that is your area to talk with like minded/situation affected people.

Saying that, over time, it has been beneficial reading how Sufferers respond to posts versus Supporters as it helps give some insight into how they think and process things with their illness.

Good luck - this is not for the faint-hearted. :)