Sufferer Hi, I'm So Lost.

[Dennis # 121]

I hope to find some help in this forum. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and it is a very severe case. Going to try EMDR and be placed on Zoloft. Long story short, I took everything out on my wife.

I love this women so so much and I drove her away. I pray to the good lord that someday she will find it in her heart to forgive me. I was a Police Officer for 34 years, I had to shoot and kill a 16 year old girl at a Domestic Violence case, she stabbed me as I was arresting her father. That was 34 yrs ago and I still see her face in my nightmares.

I have also had a 6 month old baby die in my arms from SIDS, this was the same age as my daughter at the time. I sat many of nights next to her crib watching over her. I saw two young boys burn to death in a car accident in front of me and wasn't able to do anything but watch.

When I was in the Military I was at a plane crash and pick body pieces for days. Not sure what to expect out of the treatment or my marriage. I feel like a mess, I just recently moved to the area approx 18 months ago as my wife took a new work position, I have not worked since my retirement and have been pretty much a home body with really no friends in the area. I feel so lonely all the time, now with her leaving it is even worse. Not sure what to do anymore.

 

[Finding Shawna]

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your experience. This forum has so many who understand us PTSD sufferers. I wish you well on your journey to finding peace.

 

[safenow]

Hi Dennis.

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. You are more than welcome to join us. There are lots of wonderful, caring people here, who have suffered similar traumas in our lives.

I am so sorry for all you've gone through. I know how hard it can be in life. I've dealt with life and death and I can understand the feelings that come with such things. I have also been the victim and felt the compassion of the police when they rescued me, more than once.

I believe now that you are in treatment you will find ways to cope with your feelings and how to deal with the memories. I wish I could tell you it will be easy, but it won't be. Even so, it will be worth it.

I'm sorry your wife left, but she needed to take care of herself. I hope for both your sakes, now that she sees you getting help, you will be able to get back together.

It's nice to meet you. I know you will find lots of good information here. See you around the forum.

safenow

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Dennis # 121]

Thanks for the warm invite. Found out another set back today. Insurance won't pay for my EMDR treatment. Not sure what to do now.

 

[safenow]

Is it the military Insurance you are using? Are you willing to try any other type of therapy? Take some good cleansing breathes.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Dennis # 121]

Is it the military Insurance you are using? Are you willing to try any other type of therapy? Take some good cleansing breathes.

No it's my wifes insurance, Blue Cross Blue Shield. I have no personal insurance.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Bernie's_mom]

Hey safenow,
Can you recommend any alternative therapy options for our new friend? You seem like you'd have a pretty good idea of what's available.

Oh, and welcome to the forum, Dennis. I hope you find the support and encouragement you need here.

 

[safenow]

You seem like you'd have a pretty good idea of what's available.

Thank you for the compliment, but actually others are better versed in what is available now. I go for long periods of time without a therapist.

Although I do have this that was listed today which can help:
http://www.janinafisher.com/pdfs/stabilize.pdf

Good stuff. I wish all therapists did this type of work. Millions of PTSD sufferers around the world would be blessed by it.

Dennis, I'm sure others will be here to recommend the different types of therapy available.

 

[WillyKat]

Hey Dennis,

I would just pick up on what safenow said about your wife. Maybe letting her know what you're going through and that you're getting therapy would help.

What do you think would happen if she saw your original post?