Sufferer Hi, I'm So Lost.

[WillyKat]

Also, I couldn't help but notice that in describing the 16 year old girl incident, you mentioned that you had been stabbed, almost as if it wasn't that important. That's got to be tough to defend yourself like that, but it seems to me you didn't have a choice.

 

[a3a2]

Hi Dennis,

I am sorry for all you have witnessed and experienced, especially your wife leaving. Even if you cannot go through EMDR, I hope you will still go through counseling. I have found it to be very helpful without the EMDR (I went through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I believe).

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Doolali]

Hello and welcome Dennis,

I am very sorry you had to go through those awful experiences. You must stay strong and have faith that as long as you are doing all you can to support yourself, both emotionally and mentally, that everything else will fall into place. Hopefully your wife will see this too.

Be strong and use this forum as the superb resource it is...you're not alone :)

 

[Bernie's_mom]

I wish all therapists did this type of work

Great article, safenow! I've only read part of page one, because I can't concentrate longer than that:(, but I'll keep at it. Looks like good stuff. Thanks for sharing! Do check it out, Dennis. Might be some good info in that for you.

 

[Hashi]

Even if you cannot go through EMDR, I hope you will still go through counseling.

I agree. Talk therapy helps me a lot. (I don't have EMDR.) Maybe a possibility for EMDR will open up later on, but either way I think doing counselling/psychotherapy now can help.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[dms]

Welcome Dennis. We understand you here. i am a sufferer and was a Carer. Pain, pain and more pain. You have to believe that God has your back. I spent some of my rent this month on make up and clothes last week. Now I'm $140 short. This is how I cope with depression. What a catch 22. I always create drama in my life. It's hilarious because I always figure it out but I'm tired!

 

[zaniara]

Welcome to the forum! So sorry for all the pain you've been living with, but don't give up hope! Try to breath, take on thing at a time and be gentle with your self. There is great support here!

 

[Dennis # 121]

What do you think would happen if she saw your original post?

Not too sure if she cares any longer. I know she Loves me, but has had enough. The reason she Left was the Counselor thought it would be better for her safety. I have been verbally abusive, but then last week I snapped and pushed her on the bed. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm here in MN alone, no family or friends. All I want to do is cry.

 

[safenow]

All I want to do is cry.

Crying is not a bad thing, Dennis. it is actually a very good vent for many emotions. You have a reason to cry. You have lost the person in your life who means so much to you. Just last night i wept because I wasn't able to raise my children. They were kidnapped when babies. For over 40 years, I didn't know if they were alive or dead. Just last year, I learned that my birth-father has known where they were for over 38 years. The anger I felt didn't help the hurt to go away.

But, the fact they were able to stay together, and are alive really did help. For the first time since 1965 I didn't cry on Thanksgiving. This year, I can see pictures of them as they grew up. Something I'd never had before my father died.

After you have had a good cry, pick yourself up and do what you need to do. Find a good therapist who can give you some tips on how to cope with all you've had to endure in your life. Put what they teach you into practice. Be grateful you didn't really blow it and harm your wife to the point she didn't survive.

When PTSD gets out of control, it can end up that way. I know for a fact, you have seen what happens when anger or anxiety gets out of control. Take some good cleansing breathes, when you've allowed the hurt and frustration to come out in tears rather than anger. You can do this, Dennis. I believe in my heart, you are a good man. This time will pass.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Thanks.

 

[a3a2]

Dennis,

I think it would be best for YOU to be honest with her. Tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are that you didn't recognize your need for help sooner. Also, acknowledge that living apart is probably what is best until you get the help you need. But that you hope one day to be the husband she deserves. Perhaps she'll hear you. Perhaps she won't. Either way, I think you will feel better knowing you told her how you feel.

The day you recognize (REALLY, REALLY RECOGNIZE) that you have ptsd is an awakening. It will take work on your part, Dennis, but things can get a lot better. And it is worth it.

I hope it is okay to say that I am praying for you and for your wife.

 

[WillyKat]

I think it's worth while telling your wife (A) that you're in therapy and (B) basically what you said in your original post. I think she will see the huge difference there is between someone who has PTSD and someone that's doing something to heal. She'll see someone that has admitted mistakes and is doing something to correct them.