Sufferer Hi, I'm So Lost.

[myvetswife]

Not sure what to do or expect

Go through therapy for _yourself_ not for your wife. You will sometimes fall back into old times. The hard thing is to get back up. But you can!

Expect nothing. So you can not get hurt. Take everything as it comes. She needs time to see if you are meaning it.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Finally on Zoloft, I realize it will take a few weeks before it is actually effective. Lost 25 pounds in a month, no wonder my pants keep falling down. My wife is still here, barely talks to me, we stay in seperate parts of the house. Overheard her on a phone conversation yesterday talking to her work spouse about hiring a lawyer. She knows how to push my buttons, I just ignored it. Had a real sleepless night, not sure if it's the Zoloft or her comments. I can't get tossed into the streets here, no friends and no family. This is my only chance to get the treatment that I need. I don't know what to think. One day at a time I try to keep teling myself, but the worry is just compounded with her pushing my buttons. I don't trust the guy she works with, I believe his motives are not good. Just needed to vent.

 

[safenow]

Feel free to vent any time you need to, Dennis. I hope she doesn't do anything stupid, especially since she can see how hard you are trying.

 

[Toria]

Wishing you the best of luck Dennis

 

[myvetswife]

Medication can take up to 4 weeks to work. They can make everything worse or make you sleepy.They can make you hungry aswell. Keep watching it, it could be you have to change to a different Medication.

Hope your wife doesn't get stupid ideas. I did and I still regret.

Hope everything works out. Fingers crossed!

 

[Dennis # 121]

Having a real crappy night. Can't sleep more than two hours a night lately. My wife told me she has seen a lawyer and is filing for a divorce. I'm here with no friends or family, and started with a new therapist. Moved here for my wife to better her career. Just not to sure what to expect or do. I need the treatment, and want to do the EMDR , but no sure about if I want to remain in this area for long. I'm retired limited income and can't find a job. I feel better just being able to write this and get it off my chest. My family Dr. here told me he would be my support if needed, and I can e-mail him any time. I never had that type of treatment from a Dr. before. Just a true caring professional. Time to try to sleep again.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Found out my wife went and saw a Lawyer to end our marriage. Also found out that she has been telling her Work Spouse all sorts of lies about why she wants out. Never realized I was the sole cause. I am really a monster is how she has it. I read this in a chat log on our computer.

This guy is stringing her along, and wants nothing more than to get into her pants. He's a real schmoozer, and has a live in girlfriend. He has her soooo brainwashed at this point it is pathetic. I told my therapist about this and she had no answers, except to say the guy was scum. He really has a knack of the Don Juan syndrome. She barely says boo to me anymore.

Yesterday we had 8-10 inches of snow fall. She sends me a text message that she made it to work safely and " If you go out please be really careful as it's very slippery and the road are snow covered." Wow mixed messages in that one. I responded "I'm glad your safe. I am not your concern." Not sure if that was the right thing to do or not.

When she came home small chit chat which was civil. But as the night progressed and her chatting with that guy her mood changed to just despise me. I know she looking for a place to move to. But, my god the places she is looking to rent are more than our mortgage payment, not sure how shes going to swing that alone. Plus I will ask that she still pay 1/2 of the mortgage so I can have some relief, seeing I need to keep in therapy and the insurance doesn't pay a dime.

Oh well enough for now. Not sure what to do. One thing I can say is the PTSD has been pretty quiet, I've been coping pretty well with all the upheaval in this house. No anger, I feel anxious at times but I just take some deep breaths and try to relax, it's been working OK.

 

[Dennis # 121]

She finally told her family that she is divorcing me and rented a place. I wish I could have heard the reasons. I bet she never mentioned PTSD. I saw an e-mail she sent to a mutual friend and she said I was a manipulator. If they could only read the chats between her and her work spouse, he is a manipulator . I can't believe she don't see it.

Going to start EMDR in approximately 2-3 weeks, I'm excited, yet scared. No support is my main problem. I hope my wife is gone by then, therapist told me some of the possible side effects. If I do feel anger, I don't want her to be the one in my path. I still know she doesn't believe I have PTSD, told her work spouse it's an excuse and I'm buying into it. Enough for now, going to try to sleep some more.

 

[Dennis # 121]

My wife says I don't have PTSD, I'm just an emotional abuser. I can't believe it, she was in one of my meetings with the therapist, and even commented on my symptoms. I guess it just makes her look better to everyone she tells that shes moving and divorcing me.

I've been diagnosed as PTSD by two therapists and my family Doctor. What more proof does she need..

 

[safenow]

Dennis, the more you try to figure out her logic, the crazier it will become.

She is just talking to hear herself talk. She wants to justify what she is doing. There is no logic in that.

 

[Dennis # 121]

TThanks. I agree it has no logic. Yesterday she told her dad she was dragging her feet in completing her divorce paperwork, as she wasn't sure if thats what she wanted. Then I hear her talking to her Work spouse that she was working on it all day. Every time I saw her, she was either sleeping, or in the basement doing laundry.

Last night I put my written diagnosis and treatment plan from my therapist on the kitchen table for her to see. I figured maybe seeing it in black and white may show her what I am fighting, and the hopeful outcome. I guess I'm just trying to prove my case.

 

[myvetswife]

The question is do you want to spend energy to somebody who will not stand behind you?