Sufferer Hi, I'm So Lost.

[Dennis # 121]

She finally came to this site looking for information. I think she has allot of hurt from me and doesn't know what to do. Her biggest issue is trust. I have a hard time trusting anyone at this point.

We haven't said more that a few words to each other in the past week. I care and l
love her deeply. At this point my only concern is getting myself better. I take each day as it comes.

 

[Dennis # 121]

I believe the medication is finally helping. I have actually slept more than 4 hours a night. Now I wake up and can fall back to sleep. Still not much of an appetite. Have no emotions what so ever, I wanted to cry on Sunday, and I could feel that I wanted to but just couldn't. My wife is in a holding pattern on divorce. Lots of guilt, and remorse. Her dad told her maybe a separation would be in order, and that if she did file, that doesn't mean it has to go through. My Attorney told me if she files, we will have it adjourned for at least six months so I can get my treatment. I have no personal health insurance. I keep telling myself, just one day at a time.:)

 

[Dennis # 121]

Did my first EMDR session yesterday. I felt completely exhausted when I was through. Felt a calming effect from it. My wife dropped the bomb on me when I returned from the therapist, she moving out on the 30th. Good. I'm surprised I feel that way, but I don't need negative Nelly dragging me down when I'm trying to get better. Alas I will have peace and quiet to think about how to better myself and move on with my life! Feels real good to vent,

 

[myvetswife]

Sometimes you only realise that you love and miss someone when it's too late or if that somebody isn't around. Thats what I discovered. I fell back in love with my husband after we splitt up.

I will have peace and quiet to think about how to better myself and move on with my life! Feels real good to vent

Good thinking!

 

[Dennis # 121]

I have to just let her go. I have to realize what she does in her life is her own concern. She has crossed some bridges that I don't know if I could ever forgive her for. I have been offered to join a PTSD support group with other Police Officers. My therapist had to clear it with these men and women, as they are all active officers and I'm retired. They accepted me and I will begin that in about a month. He wan'ts to get more EMDR done before I join. I'm really looking forward to it, meet new people and develop some new friendships. I feel stronger day by day. Still not much of an appetite, and still loosing weight, but it maybe for the best too, as I was probably 25 lbs over what i should be. Taking life day by day...

 

[myvetswife]

Sounds good, very positive!:)

 

[Dennis # 121]

Thanks. I have a more positive outlook. I'm working hard to better my life.

 

[ms spock]

Hello Dennis and Welcome to the Forum.

Thanks for the warm invite. Found out another set back today. Insurance won't pay for my EMDR treatment. Not sure what to do now.

What about seeing a psychriatrist?

 

[Dennis # 121]

I found a therapist I can afford. He works on a sliding scale and doesn't accept insurance. We already had one session of EMDR last week, and going to do another one tomorrow. Thanks for the thought.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Hi Dennis. You are doing all the right things getting yourself help. Focus on you the best you can. I understand you have other issues in your personal life besides the PTSD. From experience I warn you not to over think everything and take blame. It takes two in a relationship. Peace in your journey to wellness.

 

[Dennis # 121]

That is what I am going to do. If she leaves, she leaves. I'm tired of her drama anyway. I don't think she likes the idea of me trying to get my self better. She knows she has issues too, and tries to undermine what I am accomplishing for myself. That shows me disrespect for our marriage. I have been giving her the silent treatment. Keeps my own sanity. I thank everyone for the great ideas and the wishes to get myself better.

 

[safenow]

I am so proud of you, Dennis. You are doing everything in the right way. I hope you can keep up the good work.

I do want you to know it is normal to fall down once in a while. But the important thing is, you get back up. Each time you do, you move forward and gain more strength to help you get through the next slip up.

I am really happy to know you will have a good ptsd support group now. I think those new friends will be a big boost for you. Talk to you soon.