Sufferer Hi, I'm So Lost.

[Dennis # 121]

Thank you Safenow. I'm no ones doormat. I have had my second EMDR today, all I can say is WOW. It really brought something to the surface that I never knew existed. Don't get me wrong, I still love my wife, but I have to be strong for myself now. I'm the priority. Met a young female Police Officer today at the Therapist office. Had a real long and helpful conversation about PTSD and EMDR, she is going through it too. She will also be in the Support group. We have already decided to meet and have coffee after group starts. It was real comforting to me. From our conversations, it sounds like she is in the same boat with her husband, as I am with my wife. Just no support. We agreed to try to help each other if we can. I told her about this site and hopefully she will glean knowledge and support like I have. Again THANK YOU.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well I did something to better myself and to protect my treatment. I filed for divorce today. I told my wife last night what I was going to do and why. I was tired of the snide comments about being crazy and that I will never get better. I am not going to live like that. It just shows disrespect on her part. I gave her till the 30th to leave. I sat down with her and divided the household furnishing in less than 20 minute. Who know what the future holds for me or her, but i needed to rid myself of the torment. Now all I have to do is just concentrate on myself to get better.

 

[Dennis # 121]

I do want you to know it is normal to fall down once in a while.

Well had a little difficulty with some anger last night. But before I took it out on anyone, I took a step back and left. I went outside and took some deep breaths in order to calm myself down. After about 10 minutes I felt ok to rejoin my company. I explained why I did what I did and that was accepted with no questions.

 

[safenow]

I explained why I did what I did and that was accepted with no questions.

Dennis, I am so proud of you. You are a good man. I wish there were more men like you in this world.

If I may, I send you a hug long distance.
safenow

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well the EMDR really brought something to the surface. I have discovered where my anger now comes from. Wow, life is full of surprises. My wife is still here, I just avoid her like she has the plague. She was supposed to move out tomorrow, not one item is packed. Not sure what she is doing. She found out that I have a female friend, and that's all it is, she was so angry about it, I heard her on the phone, calling her all sorts of nasty things to her work spouse. I just need her out of here, so I can get my heard straight. Just needed to vent.

 

[myvetswife]

Dennis, it's ok to vent!

You know when my husband drove me up the wall I could not make him to move out or look for a place myself. I hated him (I thought) but I still loved him!

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well, She moved some of her things on Saturday. I feel this is going to be along term for her getting her thing out. She came here on Sunday and we actually talked. I even offered to help her move her larger items. A few things she told me, she cried all Saturday night as she wasn't sure if this is what she wanted. I told her of a job offer, which would mean spending 6 weeks in Malaysia, and then home for 6 weeks, then back to Malaysia for 6. She told me I should turn it down. She told me she noticed a big change in me since starting treatment, and I need to continue with it. I sense she still loves me. I've done alot of research and believe she is going through a mid life crisis. She needs to take care of herself, as I am only going to worry about myself at this point. I need to get my PTSD under control. If we would get back together some day, great. If not life goes on. I really enjoy this site. I really don't have too many friends here in MN. My female friend with PTSD is a great source for venting. But she works and needs her time to herself also. Thanks Dennis

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well it's been a little over a week and she is still moving things. I have been busy this week. Submitted my resume last week to get back into the work force and have 5 interviews already. Told my wife about it figuring she would be excited, just the exact opposite. EMDR has been going well, still have some anger afterward. Learning meditation now, that is really awesome, I get so relaxed. I find when I get a little stressed, it breaks that stress cycle. Other than that all is well.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well she is gone. I helped her move some bigger items to her new place. When I was done, I took the garage door opener out of her car and just walked away and never said a word. I'm moving on with my life, therapy is going well. I finally can eat a little better, dropped about 35 lbs, but I feel better. Sleep is still an issue, average about 4 hours a night even being medicated.

 

[Dennis # 121]

EMDR has been put on hold for a couple weeks. Therapist feels I needed to reflect on the pending divorce and not any issues related to the PTSD. Still doing the cognitive therapy. I really have no issues with the separation and pending divorce. I feel as if we have been nothing more than friends. I don't know why that is, maybe the lack of support that she gave me. Who knows. I met a young lady and went out with her a couple times. She moved here from the UK, and is staying by her mother. I was upfront with her and told her all about my issues with PTSD and the anger I get from it. I never have felt this supported from someone in my life. What a great feeling.

 

[Dennis # 121]

Well completed EMDR. What a difference in the way I feel. I have a support system and I am doing GREAT. I just thought I would check in after being away for awhile from the forum. I did give some insight to folks wanting to know about EMDR. Recently that had a whole segment on it here on the evening news. I give the two folks that were interviewed credit for talking to the media about it. I know I wouldn't have been able to do that. Privacy is the utmost importance in my life.