Hi My Name Is Jo

[jo may]

Hi

I was told in may 2011 that I had PTSD conbind with morbid depression. My CPN said to find a forum with people who understand what I'm going through.

2 weeks ago I was watching a film with my hubby and I got really upset, I repeatedly asked him to turn it off. He did after I ran upstairs and he couldn't understand why I'd got so upset and he was a little bit childish and nasty.

I decided I had no more fight and took an overdose. I'm not proud of this but at the time I thought it was the only way to get out of my hell.

I suffer from nightmares daily and flashbacks and I hear his voice everyday everywhere I go. My PTSD is from my first relationship I was 13 he was 26 and he got me into drugs, he use to beat me daily and sometimes would rape me. I stayed with him for 4 yrs and in that time he beat me so badly I miscarried my baby.

I told no one and buried my feelings for a very long time. But at Xmas 2010 something happened to me and it all came out and I feel like my ex is haunting me. Some days I just cry others I want to but can't. I live in my own world and rarely tell my husband what is really going on in my head. I do push people away and I honestly feel like I hate people, I'll never trust anyone again.

Well that's basically the lot. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

jo

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jo,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I believe you will find the members here extremely understanding and supportive as you work on healing.

Wishing you the best.
Debbie

 

[jo may]

Hi Debbie
Thank you for that, I have found it helpful so far.
Jo

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the Forum! :)

 

[jo may]

Thank you people are being very nice and helpful:)

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum, I'm glad that you have found this site. There is a Sister Site as well, all you have to do is ask one of the Mods and they will get you the link. I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy to go through something like that but especially as such a young girl despite it being in the past. My thoughts are with you.

Peace,
Rain

 

[jo may]

Thanks Rain that means a lot. I think about my baby everyday.
But I honestly think god knew he'd be safer with him
jo

 

[anni]

Hi Jo,

Welcome here. It was awfully good advice, to have you come find a place like this. Sometimes one of the most helpful, healing and comforting aspects of being here is not being alone with 'all of it'. It starts there, of course there are many, many aspects about being here which are valuable for you and all of us.

I wish you much Peace. Please do take care and do know you're not alone. It's something. :)

Anni

 

[jo may]

Thank you Anni, it's very good to be here. And I'm shocked how many people feel the same way as I do
Jo

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum jo may, so very sorry for your loss. You have a good attitude in believing the baby is safer elsewhere. Rain mentionned a sister site, here it is : [DLMURL]http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org[/DLMURL] You deserve the extra support.

 

[bittersweet]

Welcome Jo. While my trauma isn't exactly the same as yours, in some aspects there are similarities and I know some of what you are going through. Once you take the initiative to help yourself, you can only go up from there. Despite how difficult and impossible it seems, you can heal. I recently hit a positive point in my recovery and it took a while to get there but with the support of my T and the people of this forum I can finally begin to feel normal again. I feel that you will have the same success. Remember we are all here for each other when no one else can understand.

 

[jo may]

Thank you Froggie I will look at the site, it's all good if it helps.
Jo