Sufferer Hi New Here - Attacked 3 Years Ago

[geckoecho]

Hi everyone, I've come here because after 3 years of treatment I am starting to realize this may be the neverending story?

Just when I think its safe to "go back in the water" I'm triggered !

Is anyone ever really "cured"?????

 

[zaniara]

Welcome to the forum! :) It's a pretty good place to find a lot of support and information that can help you. What kind of treatment have you had? What kind of therapy? I think one can get a good life despite PTSD. But I know that I will have PTSD as long as I live, since it's chronic for me and not curable that way. But I CAN get symptom free if I work my way through the trauma-memories that lingers just beneath the surface all the time right now. And after I have gotten help with those, and worked my way through them, and then learned to expose my self and overcome the anxiety I really think I will be able to live with my PTSD without being bothered that much by it. I think it's the memories I haven't worked my way through that makes me easily triggered. And as I have less of those "untreated traumas" I'm not as easily triggered. And thus I will function more like a "normal" person. Except for maybe being a bit more sensitive to too much stress, and being "forced" to have good routines and taking very good care of my self. (But then again all people really need to do that, in order to have good a good life in the long run.)

 

[geckoecho]

Hi Zan thanks for the welcome I was attacked by a man three years ago. I was diagnosed with acute PTSD and began counseling weekly I am on antidepressants anti anxiety meds 40 mls a day.

I changed careers and moved away from my profession as that's where I was attacked at work. I felt I had a handle on stuff I mean I was still symptomatic but I could talk myself down, avoid triggers keep a lid on it. It's always there bubbling under the surface you know.

Ive changed so much I am just not the same woman I was. I am too frightened to be alone with a man in any capacity. I stay home a lot. I have pushed myself back to work. I put on an act like its all ok but inside I'm trembling.

My daughter has lost the easy going mum she loved and instead I'm moody, cranky, exhausted or just want to go to bed and sleep. Recently a man entered an elevator I was in I froze went into meltdown then somehow found myself sitting in the car for 2 hrs and didn't realise I was sitting there it freaked me out.

I've never lost time, I don't do drugs or drink. I'm really frighted. I think I'm going insane. I see my therapist on Tuesday so I best tell her. Do they lock you up for this?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I have suffered undiagnosed for nearly twenty years. I can't speak for anyone else but I have always had the thought that my life was a book. A chapter for every year. After coming to terms with the cruelty I suffered I have started typing up that book for real.

Recounting all the happy times interspersed withe the abuse is helping me not relive but accept that, yes I was brutally and savagly beaten and even forced to perform degrading acts. I am for myself finally at peace writing my book. Finally visualising the abuse is the most calming time of my life.

I really pray that you find friendship here like I have.

Sending massive hugs x

 

[a3a2]

I've never lost time, I don't do drugs or drink. I'm really frighted. I think I'm going insane. I see my therapist on Tuesday so I best tell her. Do they lock you up for this?

No, they don't lock you up for this. Not unless you are an immediate danger to yourself or others. Please be as honest with the psych as you can in an effort to better help them help you. Likely they will tweek your meds and encourage you to continue counseling.

Welcome to the forum. It is a safe haven for many of us. I hope you find that for yourself as well.

I LOVE your avatar!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

a3a2 is right. You'll only be locked up against your will if you're a danger to yourself or others (ie acted on self harm, likely to act on suicidal thoughts, or threatening others). Your doctor/therapist may SUGGEST hospitalization, but at this point it's your choice.

I wish you the best.

 

[geckoecho]

Thank you guys. Its nice to be able to spill without worrying who hears or what people will think. I'll be as honest as I can with my therapist Tuesday. I suppose it's sort of just really hit me " I now have a mental Illness. " I'll probably always have to deal with this and it sucks.

 

[a3a2]

geckoecho, I think a lot of people have a mental illness. In my opinion, it is better to know you have it than to live in denial, because then you can work on getting better. Most people just continue in denial.

Yes, having ptsd sucks. But it doesn't suck as much as having ptsd and NOT KNOWING you have ptsd. I can't tell you how much energy I used to spend on hiding my symptoms from those closest to me. Now, (with counseling and meds) a lot of the symptoms have subsided, and the ones that haven't, my loved ones accept.

Yes, it is so nice to have a place to spill!!!!

Is that a real gecko? A real picture? Do they really come in that color? I have never seen one like it, and I have looked at a lot of geckos! My son is a gecko NUT!!!!

 

[geckoecho]

Hi still trying to work my way around this forum so please forgive my forum etiquette , not sure how to quote paragraphs follow peeps etc anyway Ill get the hang of it .Back on Point...

I'm not ashamed of PTSD I really do understand its just like developing an other illness except and this is the big except It is bought on by Trauma. I'm pissed off I HAVE TO COPE with this thing every day! I am angry I was put into a position where I was vulnerable ! I am saddened that I am no longer the woman I was and that my children have had to miss out on me the real me the awesomeness that is me !! Because before this I really really liked me !And now there is this thing in me attached to my very soul that I hate !So a part of me hates myself & that scares me .

I have had thoughts of suicide Ive even planned it thought it through I don't want to do that !That's not me!! I don't think like that!!I wouldn't do that to me or my loved ones yet still there it is in my mind....

The gecko in the picture is real Its an electric blue day Gecko from Tanzania I like Geckos because they need to be treated like us PTSD SUFFERERS ...."While very cute and typically quite brave, it is not recommended to handle these geckos often. tHEY, they become stressed very easily when held, and so for their sake it is best to interact with them strictly on their terms. with patience, you can eventually gain your geckos trust and they will learn that you are not a threat.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Geckoecho,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

I think your analogy of the gecko is very accurate. It is also the same way that you have to treat yourself as you work on recovery. Be kind to yourself and do not judge yourself where you are at. I know this is much easier said than done, but as you work on healing you will find yourself learning to like yourself again.

Take care.

Debbie