nlittle1011
New Here
Hey there, I am new here and thought I would share my history with you. Here is a list of traumas I have suffered as well as behaviours that have resulted. I am currently medicated.
Traumas
· born dead (cord around neck, breech birth – behind first – dead for 2 minutes or more outside the womb – huge contusion on head as a result of tools)
· family was very unemotionally demonstrative – there was no affection/hugs/kisses, no life skills (brushing teeth, doing homework), no memory of playing with either parents,no stories being read at bedtime, no parents at sporting events/plays…..pretty much raised by the tv
· almost drowned at 5
· violent starting at a young age (when I was 5-6, pushed younger brother off a slide, would stab my sibling(s) with pencils if I was mad or lost in a game)
· bullied about weight and chest size throughout school
· played hookey from school starting in grade 1 and did not get good grades
· constantly defiantly late to come home
· punishments involved very hard spankings (that left bruises) on bare buttocks and thighs. The belt, wooden spoon, metal spoon, hair brush and whatever else was around was used.
· locked in room for hours for ‘punishment’. The door was tied shut with a nylon and couldn’t get out to use the bathroom
· had to be evacuated due to train derailment (huge fire)
· very few early life memories (I can remember about 10 different things from 4ish to 10ish) – must have blocked it out
· moved around A LOT….went to at least 12 different schools.
· Dropped out of school at 17 but eventually finished after had kids
· forced to be caretaker to younger siblings starting at 13 cause parents always worked. Always had to watch them and really resented that because I couldn’t be a normal teen
· kicked out at 17 and on my own in a brand new city that I had only been in for a few months
· a ‘friend’ touched me sexually while I was sleeping. I was too scared to stop him at first so I went with it then I pushed him off of me.
· got pregnant at 18, the father left me, no support at all
· met a new emotionally abusive partner and had a baby with him too, was 20 at this time.
· More emotional abuse than physical. I was a stupid whore in his eyes. I would react to his abuse by acting out violently (I’d scratch and hit him). The police removed him from my home and no support for his child at all
· brother killed himself from his mental illness
· mother tried to do the same at least 7 times (that I know of) but wasn’t successful
· two house fires, one of which could have killed me and my kids, and the other which took most of my material possessions and had to start my whole life over (all while I was in University)
· Got hit by a car going 23 miles an hour and was sent flying 15 ft! Broken leg as a result and this is when i was officially diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression, wanted to end it here. Took medicine for about 2 years then stopped cause I felt good. This was the first time I was medicated for my issues.
· son had ADHD and was a real challenge to raise
· had to terminate a pregnancy due to having severe pre-eclampsia during both pregnancies
· dad got cancer and died
· I got cheated on by someone i really loved and put full trust into
· In the past 2-3 years a lot of stress reactivated my depression/anxiety/violence…… the pressure of working 40 hours a week and trying to complete a professional specialization program which I spent an additional 30 hours a week on. Super burnt out. New bf moved in, kids kept moving in and out, knew I was going to get laid off soon.
· met a new man, so much stress, started to act out very violently, so I went back to doc and got meds
· Various health scares…dental infection and teeth removal (avoided dealing with due to embarrassment), pre-eclampsia with both pregnancies, pancreatitis/gall bladder removal (almost killed me), high blood pressure from 27 on (controlled now but uncontrolled it was at its highest 198/125), anaemia (from problems with iron absorption).
Impulsive/Reckless/Other Behaviours
· very promiscuous as a teen
· in trouble with law 3x (shoplifting, failing to appear)
· drug use as a teen (tried many things and used LSD a lot)
· drug use again in mid thirties, this time harder ones, really wanted my life to be over (but never had a plan, just would hope the drugs would do the job).
· more promiscuous, dangerous behavior (unprotected sex with strangers, lots of partners, ruined credit)
· very quick to get explosively mad…break things, say the worst things (before Seroquel)
· Violent behaviour (scratching, hitting)
· Pattern of pushing people away by saying inappropriate things (being too blunt and aggressive if I didn’t agree with their choices, off and on friendships). People are either in my life or pushed out completely
· Startle factor is very high (scare easily if someone comes around me and I don’t see it)
· Have extreme reactions to small things, especially anger (anger is controlled now cause of the Seroquel).
· Do not trust a lot of people, do not have many friends, don’t socialize much
· Prior to meds, no interest in activities, socializing, depressed, slept a lot, wished for death
· Prior to meds, under stress I would smell fire and see smoke (not real)
· Prior to antipsychotic, constant moving of hands and feet, brain going 1000 miles an hour, hard to concentrate. Those things do not happen now
· Don’t sleep well. No matter what time I go to bed I wake up at 430am. The sleeping pill I am prescribed doesn’t work
· Avoid problems until I can’t ignore anymore (ex. teeth)
Traumas
· born dead (cord around neck, breech birth – behind first – dead for 2 minutes or more outside the womb – huge contusion on head as a result of tools)
· family was very unemotionally demonstrative – there was no affection/hugs/kisses, no life skills (brushing teeth, doing homework), no memory of playing with either parents,no stories being read at bedtime, no parents at sporting events/plays…..pretty much raised by the tv
· almost drowned at 5
· violent starting at a young age (when I was 5-6, pushed younger brother off a slide, would stab my sibling(s) with pencils if I was mad or lost in a game)
· bullied about weight and chest size throughout school
· played hookey from school starting in grade 1 and did not get good grades
· constantly defiantly late to come home
· punishments involved very hard spankings (that left bruises) on bare buttocks and thighs. The belt, wooden spoon, metal spoon, hair brush and whatever else was around was used.
· locked in room for hours for ‘punishment’. The door was tied shut with a nylon and couldn’t get out to use the bathroom
· had to be evacuated due to train derailment (huge fire)
· very few early life memories (I can remember about 10 different things from 4ish to 10ish) – must have blocked it out
· moved around A LOT….went to at least 12 different schools.
· Dropped out of school at 17 but eventually finished after had kids
· forced to be caretaker to younger siblings starting at 13 cause parents always worked. Always had to watch them and really resented that because I couldn’t be a normal teen
· kicked out at 17 and on my own in a brand new city that I had only been in for a few months
· a ‘friend’ touched me sexually while I was sleeping. I was too scared to stop him at first so I went with it then I pushed him off of me.
· got pregnant at 18, the father left me, no support at all
· met a new emotionally abusive partner and had a baby with him too, was 20 at this time.
· More emotional abuse than physical. I was a stupid whore in his eyes. I would react to his abuse by acting out violently (I’d scratch and hit him). The police removed him from my home and no support for his child at all
· brother killed himself from his mental illness
· mother tried to do the same at least 7 times (that I know of) but wasn’t successful
· two house fires, one of which could have killed me and my kids, and the other which took most of my material possessions and had to start my whole life over (all while I was in University)
· Got hit by a car going 23 miles an hour and was sent flying 15 ft! Broken leg as a result and this is when i was officially diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression, wanted to end it here. Took medicine for about 2 years then stopped cause I felt good. This was the first time I was medicated for my issues.
· son had ADHD and was a real challenge to raise
· had to terminate a pregnancy due to having severe pre-eclampsia during both pregnancies
· dad got cancer and died
· I got cheated on by someone i really loved and put full trust into
· In the past 2-3 years a lot of stress reactivated my depression/anxiety/violence…… the pressure of working 40 hours a week and trying to complete a professional specialization program which I spent an additional 30 hours a week on. Super burnt out. New bf moved in, kids kept moving in and out, knew I was going to get laid off soon.
· met a new man, so much stress, started to act out very violently, so I went back to doc and got meds
· Various health scares…dental infection and teeth removal (avoided dealing with due to embarrassment), pre-eclampsia with both pregnancies, pancreatitis/gall bladder removal (almost killed me), high blood pressure from 27 on (controlled now but uncontrolled it was at its highest 198/125), anaemia (from problems with iron absorption).
Impulsive/Reckless/Other Behaviours
· very promiscuous as a teen
· in trouble with law 3x (shoplifting, failing to appear)
· drug use as a teen (tried many things and used LSD a lot)
· drug use again in mid thirties, this time harder ones, really wanted my life to be over (but never had a plan, just would hope the drugs would do the job).
· more promiscuous, dangerous behavior (unprotected sex with strangers, lots of partners, ruined credit)
· very quick to get explosively mad…break things, say the worst things (before Seroquel)
· Violent behaviour (scratching, hitting)
· Pattern of pushing people away by saying inappropriate things (being too blunt and aggressive if I didn’t agree with their choices, off and on friendships). People are either in my life or pushed out completely
· Startle factor is very high (scare easily if someone comes around me and I don’t see it)
· Have extreme reactions to small things, especially anger (anger is controlled now cause of the Seroquel).
· Do not trust a lot of people, do not have many friends, don’t socialize much
· Prior to meds, no interest in activities, socializing, depressed, slept a lot, wished for death
· Prior to meds, under stress I would smell fire and see smoke (not real)
· Prior to antipsychotic, constant moving of hands and feet, brain going 1000 miles an hour, hard to concentrate. Those things do not happen now
· Don’t sleep well. No matter what time I go to bed I wake up at 430am. The sleeping pill I am prescribed doesn’t work
· Avoid problems until I can’t ignore anymore (ex. teeth)
