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Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

Because the extreme state I was in I only eat a ok amount of junk food then made my room optimal to sleep. I thought I only needed one hour I slept 3.
One waked up I found the plate I asked the today's cook to keep me but salad wasn't included and was was still feeling awful so I didn't even consider walk two literally foot to open fridge and take some. The mere thought of my worst group home enemy just next the kitchen able to hear everything I was doing was scaring at this moment and I just eat the saved meal, place it in the dishwasher and retreat to room.
 
I ate the cheesecake one portion part I bought to fill more myself because the rest wasn't better as meal if not worse
 
My ergo thinks my group home enemy actually feels bad about me leaving if not because she got attached to me because she hate this place as much as me but can't find a way to leave
 
She splitted the residents in two groups. At least one resident is afraid of her (in addition to me I mean) one another feel insecure because of her. Seems educ resent her for putting all of us in this situation at home but communication with her is completely blocked and they said me they won't force her to leave.
 
My therapist seemed to be sure what kind of person she is and rightfully guessed her family ( she's grandmother) never visit her
 
To be fair only one person here get regular visit of their family. Even me who has good contacts with friends who doesn't mind my problems and the fact I'm living in group home only got one visit per friends so it didn't disturb me at all the rare visiting she got
 
I mentioned my cousin in an another thread here. Actually I have like 10 cousins it's just I only consider one as family these last years other never deal with me or stopped doing it. Don't get ideas. They don't because I spent my entire life running away from them not because they're uncaring. I only can get attached to one cousin at time it seems.
 
In my childhood and.. teenager hood ? I barley knew she was existing. I more of less was knowing she was my cousin but interacted with her and her brother like one time in all
 

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