Hopeless

[Pauline]

I feel pretty hopeless at the moment I feel like my treatment is going around in circles and there willl be no end to my painful flashbacks or no resolution to what happens to me after I talk about my experience I just feel worse like I can't go on nothing good came out of this situation just a dog of confusion terror and isolation from my memory loss I know my memories will never come back and my flashbacks are me not being able to remember people like I could recognise their face but not know who they are I have so many gaps but I think therapy will just make it worse I'm starting to wish something else happened to me because at least they know why after my last suicide attempt things didn't get much better for me but I made a promise to myself I wouldn't do anything for my family I cry a lot because I miss my cutting at least that gave me some relieve I don't know I'm just at a dead end at this point I didn't want to bring up to my therapist that I thought I was abused because I may be wrong and I have no solid proof I just really want this to end and get some clarity from my horror

 

[EveHarrington]

It’s ok to talk to your therapist if you think you may have been abused. The truth is that 99.99% of us who were abused have no real proof (in the legal sense) that it happened, but that doesn’t make it any less true or real.

Is your therapist working with you on coping and grounding skills?

:hug:

 

[Pauline]

She is new so I'm trying to build up trust with her I also don't want to bring it up first cause I'm too nervous I did with my last one but I forgot what he said to me and I really miss my last therapist i try doing a lot of meditation at home which helps

 

[ladee]

Hoping you continue with this new T and trust is built, so that you can start to talk about this.

Many of us question if things really happened, or if we have our facts straight. I did, for years. And then, like you, became so hopeless, I really had nothing to loose by starting to talk about it.

And if we really think about it, why would we make up things that would cause us to do such self destructive things to our selves?? I have very few memories, but my body and emotions do. Something happened to us to cause us to feel and think the way we do.

Baby steps. As much as we get so tired of hearing that, this is the only way to the other side. Glad to hear you are in therapy and giving this T a chance to help you. And giving yourself a chance to heal.

 

[Survivor3]

I feel pretty hopeless at the moment I feel like my treatment is going around in circles and there willl be no end to my painful flashbacks or no resolution to what happens to me after I talk about my experience I just feel worse like I can't go on nothing good came out of this situation just a dog of confusion terror and isolation from my memory loss I know my memories will never come back and my flashbacks are me not being able to remember people like I could recognise their face but not know who they are I have so many gaps but I think therapy will just make it worse I'm starting to wish something else happened to me because at least they know why after my last suicide attempt things didn't get much better for me but I made a promise to myself I wouldn't do anything for my family I cry a lot because I miss my cutting at least that gave me some relieve I don't know I'm just at a dead end at this point I didn't want to bring up to my therapist that I thought I was abused because I may be wrong and I have no solid proof I just really want this to end and get some clarity from my horror

I'm really sorry you feel like this. I too suffer from hopelessness and its depression. I've just reinstated my therapy which I'm nervous about but I have faith that it's the right thing to do. I'm trying to take things one day at a time. I hope that life improves for you. All the best.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you I kind of agree with you on that but I wanted to hear it from her first maybe because then I wouldn't doubt myself as much and also I read a lot about how you can heal the body but I don't know where to start with this I really just want a good outcome from my therapy and if it did happened to me I want to heal I couldn't care less about the details just that I become more of a whole person and more functional on a day to day basis I am trying to look at my healing that way because if I obsess it's just not good for me I have not self harmed for a whole year so I'm pretty proud of my progress with that I just want this rapid clueless cycle to end

 

[Abstract]

Hi Pauline,
So sorry you are feeling like this. Personally I think its best to work on what we remember and take it from there. If something is a vague memory then we can just work on that and see what happens. If there is no memory of something at all then we can talk about our symptoms and feelings and hope the rest comes up if it needs to. I would start on those flashbacks that you are having to the memory loss and see where that takes you. Maybe look at EMDR. Good luck with the new therapist. We can definitely start healing the body and the mind by talking about our symptoms and the body and emotional feelings we are experiencing. Its best not to try to fill in gaps when there are gaps. That can lead to more harm.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m confused....

I think most therapists aren’t going to say you’ve been abused unless you go in and actually describe the abusive behaviors.....that is, they aren’t going to stick “abuse” in your head based on symptoms alone because they may be wrong.

 

[Mach123]

I remember saying "I can't go back over all this again unless it's going to accomplish something, it's too painful." That's the process though I think. Now it's not nearly as painful anymore and we have gone through so many levels. But I was lucky and got a good trauma therapist. I went through 4 who were not so great first.

 

[Friday]

unless it's going to accomplish something,

So important. This part. Right here.

 

[Mach123]

So important. This part. Right here.

Yes and I didn't want to because I'd sat with a bunch of therapists and I remember at one point thinking "this is it," especially after the trauma center but ... IDK. I knew I was onto something and what else was there to do anyway? I think it's got so much to do with the client/therapist relationship and so much of that is the luck of the draw. That makes it hard. : /