How Can I Be Functional If I Am Dis Functional ?

[Nikie]

Okey this is my problem... My kids and I am going on a trip this weekend.
I need to prepare ...
Washing
Cleaning
Making food for hubby that's staying home

There is so much work to do ..
And I am only able to get stressed up and for not letting me get frustrated and take it out on my kids I just disappeared to my room and be out of the way no work to be done ...

Feeling paralized cos I just know I am so out of line ... Just told them to pack their stuff.... they are so use to do that...
I use to pack the bags with little love letters in each days packet of clothing
I can handle only one thing per day and its getting up and making food. Everything is an endingless effort

I just feels like a useless mother :sorry:
But that's not the problem

My quiesion is how can I be the organized person I was back then again?
:oops:

 

[digger]

My quiesion is how can I be the organized person I was back then again?

Slowly. Add back in one very small thing at a time. I have similar problems and it's by no means a straight line back. I make lists. Break tasks down into their smallest parts. You don't always have to aim for the whole thing, aim for one part at a time and try and see managing the part as an achievement in itself rather than seeing not managing the whole as a failure.

I can handle only one thing per day and its getting up and making food.

This is two things ;) more if getting up involves getting dressed or any self care even simple stuff like brushing hair or teeth. If it doesn't involve any of that, then make one of those tasks your first target maybe? Wait until you are managing to do the new thing consistently for a week or so before adding another one in.

My T suggested pretty early on I need to take things in small bits. I get overwhelmed by looking at the whole thing because there is just too much. It's frustrating having to go so slow, but it's also frustrating being so stuck. Slowly is still moving at least.

 

[sun seeker]

My quiesion is how can I be the organized person I was back then again?

Patience.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but the truth is with PTSD some things we used to be able to do have to be put on hold. Many of us here have been in a state where we need help with basics like buying groceries or getting to the end of the block. Going away for a weekend with your children, without any help from your husband, is a lot. It's only logical that you would feel overwhelmed. Have you read the PTSD cup explanation? If not, I urge you to. It will explain why what seem like little things can be overwhelming.

ETA: Here:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

That doesn't mean it can't get better. But it doesn't get better overnight. Is there anything on your to-do list that you can let go of?

 

[Nikie]

Slowly. Add back in one very small thing at a time. I have similar problems and it's by no means a straig...

I can cope with the everyday life just do noting... Brush my hair and get dressed if I notice we are in the next day :oops: days just seems to flow in to each other.
Most of the time when I get up I rush to the kitchen. Why... I do not know.. If I get there doing noting I just don't feel like the dressing up thing of brushing hair ... Its an total in ending spiral..

So this is a crisis for me I freed
Did the dishes ..
Busy with washing

Came to the kitchen 3 times and really do not know what to do next. And went back tonthe room.. In have to make 7 meals for my husband ..

I have to pack I do not know what.. ? Might ask my oldest sun to do that :unsure:
If i think of anything my mind just go like shut down feels like my brain do not want to work with me.
Thanks for the reply I will brake them down the mountain before me now. Just need to see the mountain I known it's there ..

 

[Nikie]

Hu

Patience.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but the truth is with PTSD some things we used to...

Husband is actualy a burden .. He don't have wheels this weekend .. I am taking the car if my parents known I am going to take the kids they will make a "flikflak " bacwords he could have fixed the bike he didn't it's putting a lot of stress on me ..
I am trying to hide my uselessness ... But I really can not cope doing the groceries.. By husband give me money and say buy today. I can not I have to think about that for a week or so to get myalef to do it .. I can not compare prices anymore.. I am shy to do groceries..
I am going to read the link now thanks sun seeker.
I am sitting here texting I feel nauseous cos the work is standing .. But its standing anyway
?hen I am tense cos any moment hubby will come in and ask what's for dinner .. Dinner is done .. But it feels like he is going to get mad at me for what ever I might have not do .. I'm going to read now :hug:

 

[digger]

Came to the kitchen 3 times and really do not know what to do next.

This is where I find having a list helpful. Otherwise I have a lot of time spent aimlessly in a fog not knowing what I was thinking to do! The list helps me focus slightly better. I still might need to look at it several times before it registers what I'm trying to do, but it does help.

I have to pack I do not know what.. ? Might ask my oldest sun to do that :unsure:

I don't know how old your kids are, but yeah, get them involved. Delegate. Make it a game if they're younger, get them to help you figure out what you need to pack "Hey kids, who can figure out what we're gonna need to take?". Get them to write the list. It's good practice for developing independence anyway.

If i think of anything my mind just go like shut down feels like my brain do not want to work with me.

I get this. A lot. Again, I'm back to lists though - one basic one of a few things that it would be good to get done, or need to be done, on a daily basis. I make copies of it and check the things off. On better days I can vary it and add other things. Bad day? - stick to the very basics.

 

[Nikie]

It all make sense a lot thanks I am going to ask the kids to make a list 3 boys 17,16,14 and a girl 13 I guess thy can take over I have trained them the past 2 years to cope with out me .. Thank you very much

 

[digger]

Those are good ages to be developing their own life skills and independence and personal responsibility anyway.

I have trained them the past 2 years to cope with out me ..

When shit hit the fan for me this time around, my son was just hitting thirteen, and while I do have a lot of regrets about the impact it had on my parenting abilities, and our relationship, it hasn't all been negative. It meant him becoming more independent in perhaps a slightly earlier and more forced way than I would have planned otherwise, but he has proved himself very capable and has a much more 'can do' attitude about things that I've ever had. End of the day, one of the aims of parenting is for your kids to be independent and to be able to draw on the own resources to live in the world. Packing their own bags for a trip really isn't going to do them any harm ;) :hug:

 

[Nikie]

I am doing homeschooled they are quiet okey
regrets ...yes a lot ... I totally stopped teaching them in 2013 ... Husband refused to sent them to a publick school. I f*cked up big . they played computer games and watched TV .. While I was sleeping
So we did the list and share responsibilities .. Its lunch now and after that I am going to just reboot and then we can finich the list ..
It relay made me think more clearly thanks .. :)

 

[sun seeker]

3 boys 17,16,14 and a girl 13

Well my goodness, they can do a lot at that age. I was picturing them much younger. Thank them a lot for their help, and one thing I would add is to make sure they know that what is happening is not their fault. "Kids, I'm having a bad day today, but it's nothing to do with you." But you certainly don't have to do it all.

I have a friend who had ongoing physical problems when her daughter was a teenager. Their relationship doesn't seem to have suffered. She just shifted to quieter things they could do together. I know, PTSD is a whole different thing, but I don't think you are going to damage them by getting them to do more of the chores.

I'll add, I was a single parent, and the whole story is very complicated, but one part of it I will share because it relates somewhat to this: we lived in very unstable housing for some time when my daughter was little. When she was older I asked her how she felt that had affected her. She just shrugged and said it hadn't, she was fine with it, the only hard thing for her was seeing how stressed I was because of it.

Whatever you can do, within reason, to reduce the burden of stress you are feeling, is going to have positive repercussions on them. At the end of the day they won't care whether you packed their bags for their trip or whether lunch was perfect and on the table at the right time every day. (Your husband might - that's a whole different story.) What they will remember is the mood you are in and how able you are to care for yourself. That is modeling self care for them, and especially for your daughter.

 

[sun seeker]

Just wanted to say because I see you have already read and liked my above post, please read it again because I edited it to add something I think is an important point.

 

[Nikie]

They do a lot .. I feel guilty for pushing it all on them. .. I do have great kids. And they are very caring well the cept the house running for 2 years when I was feeling self-centered and all wacked up.. Or what ever I did.. I just was not present... It was like " my lights was on but I were not home .. "

"Sigh ". eneway my day is over and i have only one thinges of washing to do. We made the list and split chores only the smaller kids was home the other 2 helped there dad to split the trector ... it was a great idea it helped a lot ..
You really did help me a lot today thanks :hug: