Relationship How Can I Better Handle My Fiance's Ptsd?

[Synonymous Oxymoron]

I'm not very good with posting things on forums, but I feel awfully alone right now and I could use some advice as to how to assist my fiance in treatment until we can get professional assistance.

My fiance is the strongest man I know. He is not a soldier, but he's been through more pain than even I will ever realize, and the fact that he is here with me today is a testimony to just how strong he is. For four years we've lived together, and we've spent that time working together to make his PTSD manageable. I've finally persuaded him to get psychiatric help, but it's still going to be some time due to our financial situation. We just finally got the money to afford our own apartment as opposed to living under someone else's roof, so until we can get some money saved the professional help we need is just out of the question.

For the most part we have it managed, but every once in a while it gets completely out of hand. For the first time in two years it happened last night and I guess I just need advice on what to do if it happens again, because I felt like nothing I did worked.

Rather than simply emotionally shut me out, he has intense flashbacks and becomes violent, remembering only past events. (As a note, I'm going to point out that he has never hit me, threatened me or even insulted me in any situation and I have never felt threatened by him despite his outbursts.) He'll throw nearby objects, and if he finds something sturdy enough he'll punch things until his knuckles bleed. He takes his emotion out on inanimate objects and fails to remember where he is despite the fact that we are in our own home. He'll hear and see people who are now dead, and sometimes relive entire events while my words aren't even being heard.

We've been working our entire relationship to help him express all of this in a way that doesn't result in broken items and self-harm, and while it's been working like a charm until we can get psychiatric help tonight was a huge step back in everything we had accomplished. I saw a nightstand fly across my bedroom and I saw my computer get punched to the point where his hands were bleeding. Once he finished his outburst he began having an immense anxiety attack and flashing back to past events. For an hour and a half more I had to talk him down and try to bring him back to the real world before I could finally get him to relax enough to go to bed.

It was a very stressful ordeal and even though we have somewhere to be today I haven't been able to get to sleep because I can't stop thinking about it.

I just want him to know I'm not angry at him, or scared of him. I'm just distraught that he's sick, and I want to make sure he feels happy in any way I can, because I can see the way these outbursts wear on him just like they do on me.

I'm sorry again that it's so much rambling. Is there any advice I can get as to the best way to help the love of my life?

 

[Al_Lurker]

There are charitable organizations that may be able to help. There are also support groups out there. You don't say where you are but I would think a Google search might turn up something. Someone else may have a more precise answer...

 

[ScruffMcBuff]

There is a fantastic website which has a downloadable app that helps with managing symptoms of PTSD and members of my support group have found it extremely helpful. Give me a moment and ill find a link for you.

 

[scout86]

You sounds like a great couple with a good relationship!

Have you talked to him, to ask what he thinks would help? Probably different things work for different people.Personally, I don't have flashbacks much anymore and they've never been that dramatic, at least not from the outside. All it ever took with me was for the person I was with to notice something was going on and then remind me that what ever it was, it wasn't something that was actually happening NOW. But, this one is a pretty minor thing for me.

I would guess it's important that he knows you're not mad at him or afraid of him, and that you're planning to stick with him (since it sounds like you are.) I'll echo what the others have said about getting help. When I started therapy, I didn't have insurance. My therapist has a sliding scale and he charged me the least he could. Now (thanks to "Obama-care"!) I have insurance. In my state, the insurance costs about $21/mo, no extra fees for mental health stuff, so it's really cheap. Maybe you've already checked into it, but if you haven't, don't make assumptions until you do check. You might suggest that he drop in here and visit too.

Good luck to you both!

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm a sufferer, and it is really encouraging to hear from someone who has the understanding and compassion that you seem to have. I'm genuinely touched that you see that he is re-experiencing something extremely painful from his past. From your post, it seems that you handled it very well and hope that I can give you that encouragement too - but I realise that handling the flashbacks as they come, isn't a substitute for getting the proper medical support that is needed.

As others have said, there are charitable organisations that may be able to offer therapy. There is the network of forums here that, although they can't offer the therapy that's needed, they can offer support or somewhere to talk, whatever his trauma. You can also ask in the sufferer section of the site for more information about how trauma effects people.

I so hope you and he find what you need to help get him to get better.

 

[Synonymous Oxymoron]

I just wanted to thank you all for the support I found posting here. In the little time I've been here I can already see that this is a wonderful and supportive community, and I appreciate you taking time out of your day to give me a response.

Since the incident we've been talking about possible solutions to ease any future flashbacks until we can get him help, and have hopefully found a few methods that will help. It was a little rough after he first woke back up, of course, (he was so upset by what had happened it took me a bit to persuade him I wasn't mad. I swear, he worries too much!) but since we had a long drive that morning we had a lot of alone time in the car to talk about feelings and the possible ways we could address the next episode.

If you all have any more advice, I would love to hear it, and thank you so much again for responding! We both appreciate the support and assistance.