We are all constantly changing. What we want at 20, at 30, and at 40, are usually all very different. At my age I can look back and see that so clearly. Those who are very young early 20") may not believe that because they dont know the direction of their growth. I think that is one of the reasons of the high divorce rate. Second marraiges are twice as likely to fail. That is been attributed to the fact that people dont fix what caused the break up the first time around. Example: Say a guy is a workaholic and spend no time with wife and kids-they divorce- he cleans his act up temorarily, he dates, pays more time and attention to the relationship needs, and remarries one year after his divorce. Now that he is married he goes back to his old ways.. Happens a lot.
In a new relationship where we feel in love, or in lust, the chemicals in our brain actually change for the first several months. This prevents us from seeing things as they really are. Our perceptions are skewed. We have all heard about some good looking sociopath coming along and meeting up with a recent widow with money. He wines and dines and in less than a year her life savings is gone. Often people say, "how could she be so foolish" Those of us that do not have a big bank account can have our life disrupted just as bad.
Prettysimile-an old saying with some truth "Women marry hoping the man will change, men marry hoping she will stay the same". I think it is more difficult for many men to express their emotions, to seek counseling, etc-to do the things that ultimately lead to healing and to change. I think you nailed your own question as to weather you would be getting along better-I don't know but it sounds like a very valid point that you likely know best as it does happen. When one person becomes healthier, grows, achieves their dreams, etc, and the other does not-both are blatently aware of it regardless of if it is discussed or not. Often a break up ends and one of the three A's appear to be the cause (Abuse, Addiction,, Adultry) but something else was going on first. Sometimes that something else is a character flaw as in your fiance. How can a man be planning a wedding and cheating? That is horrible and I am sorry that you had to go through that but glad you did not get stuck with the guy. You must have been very vulnerable at the time. I can see how your marine could come along and make you feel so much better, take away some of the pain of the present situation. I have been there too- I had someone who make me feel beautiful, smart, etc who adored me. I need to feel those things about myself without a man and then I will be ready to meet a guy who also has his own self confidence. I also know how it feels to have to comfort someone who says "Im not good enough for you". That must be hard right now
Anthony posted something about relationships that was very good but I cant remember the thread. He talked about all of the realities in a relationship and being compatable on issues of money, parenting, etc. I think if we dealth with a relationship as if we were in a business together, we would be asking more of the right questions and we would be more inclined to hold ourself and partner accontable for behaviors.
Spokane I think youre right about guys wanting to get into a quick relationship. I think its easy to put your best face first for many months-but you cant do it forever. Men and women both do this. Somethimes I do think these fast relationships do work out but just more the exception than the rule.
In a new relationship where we feel in love, or in lust, the chemicals in our brain actually change for the first several months. This prevents us from seeing things as they really are. Our perceptions are skewed. We have all heard about some good looking sociopath coming along and meeting up with a recent widow with money. He wines and dines and in less than a year her life savings is gone. Often people say, "how could she be so foolish" Those of us that do not have a big bank account can have our life disrupted just as bad.
Prettysimile-an old saying with some truth "Women marry hoping the man will change, men marry hoping she will stay the same". I think it is more difficult for many men to express their emotions, to seek counseling, etc-to do the things that ultimately lead to healing and to change. I think you nailed your own question as to weather you would be getting along better-I don't know but it sounds like a very valid point that you likely know best as it does happen. When one person becomes healthier, grows, achieves their dreams, etc, and the other does not-both are blatently aware of it regardless of if it is discussed or not. Often a break up ends and one of the three A's appear to be the cause (Abuse, Addiction,, Adultry) but something else was going on first. Sometimes that something else is a character flaw as in your fiance. How can a man be planning a wedding and cheating? That is horrible and I am sorry that you had to go through that but glad you did not get stuck with the guy. You must have been very vulnerable at the time. I can see how your marine could come along and make you feel so much better, take away some of the pain of the present situation. I have been there too- I had someone who make me feel beautiful, smart, etc who adored me. I need to feel those things about myself without a man and then I will be ready to meet a guy who also has his own self confidence. I also know how it feels to have to comfort someone who says "Im not good enough for you". That must be hard right now
Anthony posted something about relationships that was very good but I cant remember the thread. He talked about all of the realities in a relationship and being compatable on issues of money, parenting, etc. I think if we dealth with a relationship as if we were in a business together, we would be asking more of the right questions and we would be more inclined to hold ourself and partner accontable for behaviors.
Spokane I think youre right about guys wanting to get into a quick relationship. I think its easy to put your best face first for many months-but you cant do it forever. Men and women both do this. Somethimes I do think these fast relationships do work out but just more the exception than the rule.
