How Do I Beat Alcohol?

[Jade-]

I waited a few hours to post again james. Your little remark really pissed me off. Don't you freaking realize that if it were as easy as just taking someone's "suggestion" I would have done things differently?

I posted because I was upset with myself, and was asking what I'm doing wrong, not to have you criticize me for not listening to you.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Jadebear,

Feel free to tell me to 'get lost'. You do seem to be a little disappointed with the amount you drank when you went out. If this amount is once every couple of months, seriously, why worry? If it's once a week then maybe you are right to be concerned.

I have to say that making a bigger drink and sipping slowly is my best advice. At home I might drink a glass or 2 of wine. But I also get very anxious before going out, so instead of wine, I drink beer (larger) straight from the fridge. Before going out I might manage one, or maybe two bottles/glasses. If I was drinking wine, I could easily drink a bottle before going out. And I do the same thing when I'm out. I order a pint of larger and try it drink slowly. I know that I feel nervous when out, and the easiest thing is to reach for the glass, so if I have a large drink, and drink slowly then I'm okay. If I'm on a definate mission to reduce my alcohol, I'll order a large cola every other round.

You probably want to hit me now, but seriously, unless you have a BIG problem, large drink, small sips DOES work.

All the best, (:occasion: --- is this taking it too far!!)
CB

 

[Jade-]

Yes, I am disappointed with the amount I drank when I went out. The last time I went out with this group of people, I over-did it and made a fool of myself. They are my co-workers. it was 3 weeks ago and everyone is still talking about it.

When I was asked to go out again, I secretly had this plan to show them that's not how I really am, that I normally am not drunk before the night even begins, that I can have just 2 or 3 drinks and stop and that I can act civilized in public. Instead, I ended up doing the same shit I did last time. Except this time I think I have a broken toe from falling.

So I'm not really concerned about the amount I drink all the time, I don't have a drinking problem, I'm trying to control how much I drink when I go out. I probably just won't go out anymore.

 

[cherryblossom]

I've been where you are - I broke my toe falling over due to drink. Now I just try my best to drink less using the plan I outlined above. I hope your toe feels better soon. Mine was very painful. Be sure to get an xray, just in case any further treatment is required,

Take care,
CB

 

[James B.]

When it comes to battling life threatening self-destructive problems with alcohol, I have been there. I spades. I drug myself out of the abyss because I wanted to and needed to. I did my research on what alcohol was doing to my body (and my mind), got the shit under control, then tapered off and - to the best of my ability - have quit. I know how hard it can be because I did it. Anyone can do it, if they want to. :thumbs-up

When I was using alcohol on a regular basis, it whacked my system out pretty good. I became - for all intents and purposes - an addict. My cPTSD/anxiety disorder is already taxing my system with real stress. This creates a nutritional deficit. I have to counter balance this deficit, then bolster and make myself stronger still to avoid the (now life long) tendency to addictions. I do this by taking seriously what I put in myself, and getting the exercise my body needs - period.

Right now I'm ridding myself of nicotine. It's been two weeks and I am going for it, pretty sure it may get tougher (again) around the two month barrier, then the six month barrier. I don't care, I am done with nicotine. Same drill as for alcohol, only more intensive on the "no added stressors" side for about 1 month. The choice about this stuff, and about healing/recovery in general is every individuals call. Your call.

You can give it hell, give it all you've got and get results, or not. Doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me. I demand excellence from myself, and I won't stop at anything less. Demanding results from myself also means not taking shit too seriously, that's a tough one but I'm making progress. Learning meditation is not easy, but with time it will get way better, I know it. This is what I do. Am not willing to let my abusers succeed in wrecking my life. And I will not give up.


Best wishes to everyone who battles alcohol.
James B.

 

[Jade-]

Been thinking about why I drink so much when i go out. No, actually it's more like why I drink so much before I go out.

It's because I am too afraid to go out sober. I don't want people to see the real me, and alcohol loosens me up. I start out with a shot or two to relax and when that doesn't get me how I would like, I drink more. That turns into chugging it straight from the bottle. By the time my ride arrives, I'm completely trashed.

If I'm already drunk when I get picked up, at least there's an excuse for the way I act. If I say or do something stupid, then the alcohol can be blamed, not me. If I dissociate while I'm out, it's better people think i'm just out of it from jack daniels than because I'm ill.

I got so tired of not socializing. I got so tired of just sitting at home by myself not talking to anyone or going anywhere. I got tired of not being able to do all the things I'd like to do. So I started drinking again after quitting for 5 years.

I'm being completely honest here, and it's not easy. I don't do well in social situations at all. I don't do well around people in general. Alcohol helps that. It makes me less anxious, makes me less jumpy, makes me actually feel like I fit in a little. But it also makes me feel like shit and embarrassed. Because the truth is, I have more of a self-esteem problem than a drinking problem, and I get pissed at myself that I can't overcome it. I hide behind jack daniels because its easier and works faster than changing the way I think/feel about myself(But I am trying and working on that). I probably should have just been honest to begin with when i posted.

BTW, I'm not making excuses for why I drink, I'm just being honest about why I do.

 

[Jade-]

My last post sounded stupid and pathetic....... sorry.

 

[James B.]

Jadebear, You Are A-OK.

It's tough battling chemical issues. Very difficult. You're here, in the trenches, talking about your issues and facing them. Stuff with alcohol can be really complicated and persistent. It's my sincere hope you unlock the puzzle and get the thing where you want it to be. :thumbs-up

 

[Lucycat]

I have just reread through this thread. Here I go again.

I started drinking again. Cautiously, then Christmas went pearshaped and I again started drinking myself into oblivion.

Now I am back to no alcohol at all, and have not had a drink for about 5 weeks. I have not had a cigarette this year. That sounds better!!

I know I am better able to cope WITHOUT drink, I am more stable in the long term, but it is so tempting as a short term fix. It is hard to cope with the pressure to have ' just one drink', and have just taken to lieing that my doctor has forbidden me to drink. In reality my T has ADVISED against it and it really is my choice. It is back to me needing to be in control of everything. At the moment I am in control of my alcohol intake. I don't know how long it will last but I do believe in one day at a time!

 

[suzie q]

Hey there Lucycat...

I hear you about your control of alcohol intake. I agree with your T that it is your choice. I also believe in one day at a time because that is how I've lived for the last 15 years. I made that choice then and remake that choice every morning or every minute, whichever is necessary.

In my experience, one drink was never enough. I didn't know when or how to stop. Once I started, I eventually drank myself into consequences that I didn't like. The Twelve Steps helped me work through that and I continue to live life "on life's terms".

Coping skills are hard to work with, but I think that your choice of one day at a time is a great beginning!! Hope you continue to look for other ways to cope without using unhealthy choices. You can do it!!

 

[justwannabeme]

Interesting views,I'm in AA and just had my 24 year anniversary without a drink. Crazy ride
I must say this year has been one of the hardest ever to stay sober....really want to drink, but unsure about it.
My T at first was all into me facing my fear and having a beer, but as time goes on he is now of the opion that I should not try it. Such a daily struggle, add it to the pile. I am trying to understand and learn how this new PTSD label I have has affected my whole life. I am really glad that I don't have to deal with my drinking right now with everything else going on. Yes sometimes it sucks not drinking, but not as much as all the baggage that I created when I drank.
I don't miss the hangovers, being broke, and the guilt. I hated the way I acted. I did it cold turkey, had to, once I had one, I usually couldn't stop...like chips or peanuts or yorkies (dogs)! AA is not the answer for everyone, I agree with some of it, not all of it..take what you like. But for me, it was a place to start, there were not very many females when I started and not many young people, I started going when I was 25. Not sure if I would have ever began seeking help and opening up if I was still drinking. People giving help and support for any type of issue is never a bad thing. I meet a lot of really awesome people in AA, and some really nasty, just like life. It was a tuff ride, in and out of AA for a few years, then it slowly started sinking in and I started to noticed little changes. It took years before I spoke to anyone, even my name. I didn't plan on living this long or being sober, I thought somewhere way back in the baggage that if I made it to 24 years I would get a 24 of beer, some coolers (never had one of them) a little cocaine and a big stogie. I told my T, he was at a loss, again, but said we could go outside for the stogie sometime, how awesome is that! It is getting better to understand the more I read here. Thanks all for sharing, and good luck with what ever you decide. One of the things that I find helps when I'm trying to mind f#ck myself into giving in, and not just for booze, "it's not the cabose of the train that kills you it's the engine, so if you stay away from the first drink(engine), you don't have to worry about the caboose or how many you'll drink." and the other one when I felt really weak and down about my will power "the next time you have the diarrhea try to will it away". Just my slant.

 

[Lucycat]

Justwannabeme, what is a Stogie? Never heard that one before and I am intrigued!

I think its brilliant that you have stayed away from alcohol for 24 years. Don't see myself getting that far, but who knows?