How do I begin to tell new boyfriend about past sexual abuse that I experienced from age 3 to young adulthood by various people in my life? I wouldn’t want to go into detail because no person would be able to listen and be okay, imho. I get exhausted trying to recount the numerous awful situations. Molested as a child by different people, some family members, at ages 3, 10, 12, 15, 16, 18...Telling my mom I was molested and her denying it happened and then blaming me for it.
Almost kidnapped by a stranger, age 5; actual kidnapping by a stranger, locked in a home & assaulted age 22; locked in a room by family member molesting me and assaulted, age 12. Stalked at work and then locked at the back of the grocery store I worked at and assaulted, age 16 by a 32 yr old manager; reporting the stalking & assault and then getting fired while the man kept his job and got transferred to another store. Stalked on two other occasions by strangers I had 1 conversation with and then they wouldn’t leave me alone-one threatened to slit my throat etc. until my roommates reported him, there was a trial and he was shipped back to his home country.
Raped by a “friend” while another friend held me down, age 21 and not even realizing I was raped until years later.
Molested by a physical therapist and local, famous orthopedic doctor while receiving treatment (in my 20’s)... other medical traumas from rare medical condition.
I have done incredible work to heal myself with therapies, self care, etc. and I feel I am enjoying life for the first time. I was a happy child and the suffering and mental anguish has only made me more myself, happy just to enjoy life. I also have a lifelong medical condition that causes chronic pain with dislocations, subluxations etc.
But no one would be the wiser because I’m generally a happy person, albeit quiet, shy.
I feel I have a great, happy relationship with this guy now but it’s still early in our relationship and I resent having to share this pain with him. Through my own persistence and the grace of God, I am healthy and sane. i feel learning how I was abused so many times in various situations, etc, - It would disgust and traumatize him, and affect our relationship in a negative way.
I have been relatively free of triggers... Except, I had one recently. I freaked out and said some things :( and now he’s backed off. I didn’t realize I had had a trigger until 2 weeks later when I noticed he stopped reaching out to me. We were communicating almost daily and seeing each other weekly and now it’s been 2 weeks since we’ve seen each other. I’ve tried texting and there has been no response the past day.
I dated quite a bit, more than I ever had before to find this person. I care for him and now he may think I don’t because of what I texted him....
The only incident I’ve ever shared with him was when I was assaulted by someone I went out with on 1 date with but i got away unhurt; this person was essentially a hacker by trade & was savvy enough to hack into my accounts online and give me a good scare though. My BF Seemed concerned maybe disturbed by it and kissed and hugged and just held me.
How do I relay the extent of the abuse I experienced without traumatizing him but still being open and honest? How do I begin a conversation I don’t want to have?
Almost kidnapped by a stranger, age 5; actual kidnapping by a stranger, locked in a home & assaulted age 22; locked in a room by family member molesting me and assaulted, age 12. Stalked at work and then locked at the back of the grocery store I worked at and assaulted, age 16 by a 32 yr old manager; reporting the stalking & assault and then getting fired while the man kept his job and got transferred to another store. Stalked on two other occasions by strangers I had 1 conversation with and then they wouldn’t leave me alone-one threatened to slit my throat etc. until my roommates reported him, there was a trial and he was shipped back to his home country.
Raped by a “friend” while another friend held me down, age 21 and not even realizing I was raped until years later.
Molested by a physical therapist and local, famous orthopedic doctor while receiving treatment (in my 20’s)... other medical traumas from rare medical condition.
I have done incredible work to heal myself with therapies, self care, etc. and I feel I am enjoying life for the first time. I was a happy child and the suffering and mental anguish has only made me more myself, happy just to enjoy life. I also have a lifelong medical condition that causes chronic pain with dislocations, subluxations etc.
But no one would be the wiser because I’m generally a happy person, albeit quiet, shy.
I feel I have a great, happy relationship with this guy now but it’s still early in our relationship and I resent having to share this pain with him. Through my own persistence and the grace of God, I am healthy and sane. i feel learning how I was abused so many times in various situations, etc, - It would disgust and traumatize him, and affect our relationship in a negative way.
I have been relatively free of triggers... Except, I had one recently. I freaked out and said some things :( and now he’s backed off. I didn’t realize I had had a trigger until 2 weeks later when I noticed he stopped reaching out to me. We were communicating almost daily and seeing each other weekly and now it’s been 2 weeks since we’ve seen each other. I’ve tried texting and there has been no response the past day.
I dated quite a bit, more than I ever had before to find this person. I care for him and now he may think I don’t because of what I texted him....
The only incident I’ve ever shared with him was when I was assaulted by someone I went out with on 1 date with but i got away unhurt; this person was essentially a hacker by trade & was savvy enough to hack into my accounts online and give me a good scare though. My BF Seemed concerned maybe disturbed by it and kissed and hugged and just held me.
How do I relay the extent of the abuse I experienced without traumatizing him but still being open and honest? How do I begin a conversation I don’t want to have?
