How Do I Control Panic Attacks?

[LhasaLover]

Hi Jlso111187,

I have to agree with SafeNow, this is not what your grandmother would want to leave as a legacy. Your grandmother would only want the very best for you.

People stay alive in our hearts where we celebrate their memory and there thoughts, past actions and words resonate from within us for a lifetime.

I cannot imagine being around a person that raped me, I know just talking to my abuser(s) on the phone can set of anxiety for weeks. I really feel for you right now and am sending postive thoughts.

Be gentle with yourself, I send strength and prayers at this time.

LL

 

[safenow]

So had to be around him.

If it was me, I wouldn't go to that event. She is not there anyway. You can talk to her in the privacy of your own home, or outside. She'll know.

You don't need to be around him or anyone you feel uncomfortable with. If people talk, let them.

((((Jlso111187))), from a sister of distress.

 

[LhasaLover]

I hope you never have to see this person again, Jlso111187.

 

[Jlso111187]

I agree with Safenow, LL you should do something to honor your cousin. In August we are holding a candle light vigil for my cousin, grandpa and grandma as they are all buried right by each other. And in June we are holding celebration at the park as my other grandma who died in Nov. Didn't want a funeral or any sad sappy things like that, she wanted us to have a good time and in her will it left money for us to do this with but her condition is NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CRY. That is what it said in big bold letters. So, two things to look forward to as well as another time to morn my grandmother who we just buried.

 

[Jlso111187]

Its hard to be around him, but the only people who know about it are my mom and sisters. I have not yet told the rest of my family I have been waiting to bring it out til my grandma passed. Now that she has god rest her sole I intend to tell the whole family about it as well as my sister and cousin as they were both raped by him too. But none of us wanted to tell this with grandma being so sick. But I dont intend on seeing him anymore if I can help it I know there will be weddings, and funerals he will be at but as for anything else like holidays and stuff like that if he is there I wont be.

 

[LittleGirlLost]

Safenow, that was not the only trigger, my rapist is her son. So had to be around him.

I 100% relate to that. I was molested for two years by my cousin on my mother's side and nothing was ever done. My parents let me stay at a friend's house when they went to visit my grandfather (my cousin lived with him) for about six months and then Christmas came and from that point on, I had to see him every time we visited. The molesting stopped, but I never felt safe.

Recently I opened up to my parents and asked why they never protected me and explained that it made/makes me feel unsafe and that I'm less important than the rest of the family to them. They offered to do something now (please don't misunderstand; they're amazing parents, but they were dealing with two heroin addicted sons and a million other horrible things and I was the good child, so I slid through the cracks), but I also told them it was too late. I said I don't feel victimized by him anymore, but that I never ever want to see him again or even hear his name. I want to completely forget he exists.

My father, ever the engineer, pointed out that I'd probably have to see him when my grandfather dies. And I panicked. For days.

And when I then brought that up to my parents, they agreed that I didn't even have to go to my grandfather's funeral if I didn't want to. That if I did want to go, they'd keep me away from him. I wouldn't have to talk to him or hug him or anything like that.

Is there anyone in your family who could play bodyguard if you have to go?

 

[Jlso111187]

My husband and mother both play bodyguard as well as my sisters boyfriend who knows that my uncle did it to me as well as his woman. So yeah they do protect me as much as they can. For the most part, I feel safe with my family who knows around because we all watch eachother as well as all the kids running about to make sure nothing happens to none of them. My mom has no time to even talk to him anymore or even want him around.

 

[LittleGirlLost]

Then maybe the thing to remind yourself of is that you're not going to let him hurt anyone else and he can no longer hurt you. He has no power over you. You're stronger than he is because of what you've been through. Don't even let him on your radar except to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else.

And breathe.

 

[Jlso111187]

I remind my self that all the time. I refuse to let him do what he did to me to anyone else in our family. The ones we watch him with are my kids and my neice and nephew they are really the only young kids in the family and I WILL NOT let him hurt any of them.

 

[raven123]

Use the following:

It's the 21 Method.

1 - Inhale deeply and slowly.
2 - Exhale deeply and slowly.
Repeat.
Do till you count till a total of 21.

If you are hyperventilating, use a paper bag. You basically are distracting your body's flight response by focusing on something else. Panic really is just too much stimuli and thinking something bad is gonna happen. That 21 method takes about 30 seconds or so. If the bad thing that is gonna happen, it would've happened by then. I assume this method will ground you, too. Worked for me.