How Do I Know When I Am Done "processing" With Emdr?

[zoie33]

I have been doing EMDR for almost two months now. Every session I tend to be all over the place remembering various issues and childhood memories. None of them are ever good. Even when there are some neutral memories the next one usually sets me back all over again. While some sessions don't end in me crying for days, I never seem to make any real progress. I know I am probably doing it wrong although my T says there is no right or wrong. Any suggestions? When does it start feeling better?

 

[Kintsugi]

My understanding is that EMDR follows many, many steps, the process for each of which can be months long. In that sense, I think there is a right and a wrong way, but it's the practitioner's job to ensure these steps are being followed.

 

[Bananie]

I was really skeptical of EMDR....until I did it, and then was like, whoa man, this actually works *too* well. T had explained it, and then I had a few sessions, and he had said "You may continue to process things over the next few days."
And I did, I totally did! But it usually turned me into a weeping vegetable for awhile. Or the tin man, cause I didn't really feel anything, but my whole body hurt. I dunno. Basically, I personally ended up overwhelmed, but thought it was normal, and that I had to be tough, and stick it out, get over it, pull myself up by my bootstraps, etc. FINALLY I told T, yo, I think this has pushed me a bit too far, and we haven't done any movements since...August? Maybe even July. And we didn't start until May, so, not long at all. He mentions every once in awhile "and we'll get back to movements again.." and I'm just like, ok! Because I wouldn't mind starting again, but I'm not gonna push for it either.
I don't think that I had put enough coping mechanisms in place for myself before, so I'm taking this time now to get better at that. However, it was going through the movements and getting some things processed, in however sorcery like way emdr did it (lol), that got me to take my abuse history more seriously, and be kinder to myself about it, and to recognize the value of having coping skills, and to sort out behaviors. It really did jostle things up in the ole noggin, in a good way, even though sometimes it *feels* like a bad way. Sooooo, it may feel better, someday, but I don't think there's a set timeframe for it, and, it could feel waaayyyyy worse for awhile, or get better, then worse, and so on and so forth. Ain't life grand? :) ;)

 

[zoie33]

That basically sounds like what happened to me. I was totally a basket case and all this stuff was flooding out and I wasn't really feeling any better. T even admitted that I have been getting worse over the last few weeks so we decided to only focus on the one main memory versus jumping around as we were for a while. We are still doing EMDR on a regular basis sometimes we have a session of talking between to deal with my mess but I know that at some point they are supposed to install better memories or something and I'm just wondering when does that happen?
Am I supposed to just keep getting memories and "processing" until I'm blank? When I finally go blank is that when we start installing the positive stuff?

 

[Agatha]

Hi - I have C-PTSD and I've just started EMDR after trying various other therapies for years. I've had about 2 months of weekly sessions so far and I can totally relate to everyone's comments.

We started with my earliest memory and it really is incredible how the EMDR helps re-jiggle all your memories around. I really felt like I was back there and could really engage with all my senses from that time (it's amazing how your brain keeps all this stuff locked away). To start off I was processing the memory from the perspective of a child with raw fear and emotion - now I can honestly say that I am able to look back at this memory with distance and as an adult. It's still not a nice memory but I'm 'feeling' it differently now.

HOWEVER, this is where I could do with some advice. Not we're getting onto the difficult stuff and there are years and years of abuse to go through. The sessions are hard but I'm very positive about engaging with the process. The awful part if then going home and having days and days of having a tsunami of emotions pounding at your from lots of different angles. I have a huge 'toolbox' of coping strategies that I have learned over the years in other therapies, however I find that I am really just freezing and going numb and disassociating as I can't cope.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
I do want to continue with the EMDR since I can see that in the long term its going to be incredibly valuable.....

 

[June1960]

Seems this thread is full of people who are confused about EMDR. Add me!

Agatha, I am in the same place, except I have had just one session so far and now I am terrified to go back. I have C-PTSD. Trauma at the hands of a therapist is one component, so just being with a therapist is triggering. I don't know how to proceed.

Zoie, like you, I was all over the place in my session. We picked one little-t to target to be on the safe side but then she had me all over the place. I did not want to go all over the place. I do not understand what is happening.

 

[zoie33]

I will have another session tomorrow. The last one brought back stuff I don't want to think about and I am not looking forward to doing it all over again. I just wish I knew when you stop reliving the crap and start adding the positive thinking into it. I know that happens at some point but I have no idea when I will get there.

 

[June1960]

Exactly, zoie. I thought the stages included installing positive cognitions. But my insurance only allows 50 minutes per session. I wonder if it's possible to to EMDR this way.

 

[Agatha]

My understanding is that your brain should wander all over the place as it tries to resort the memories so it can put them away correctly. It is really weird what connections your memories make. I'm trying not to think to much about why those connections exist and just go with the flow

 

[June1960]

Agatha, how long are your sessions and do you do any installing of positive cognitions?

 

[Agatha]

I'm doing an hour once a week. I've been told it could last for a year. Initially we did work on finding a safe place to visualise so that I've got somewhere to 'retreat' if things get too overwhelming. Each new memory we look at we start by looking at a statement that this memory makes me feel like , eg I feel unsafe, i feel like i cant trust my decisions. We then look at the opposite of this statement with the aim that this is what we are working towards. I hadn't notice any obvious positive work but reflecting on it after reading your post i can see that my therapist is very subtly shifting the statement in her responses to me. I guess I'm lucky that being in the UK this therapy is for free on the NHS although I've had a very very long wait for it and there are very few specialist therapists doing this on the NHS.

How does this compare to your sessions @zoie33 and @June1960?

 

[zoie33]

Start out the same way but we never discuss the positive idea. He said a couple sessions ago that eventually we will start looking at a more positive way to look at it but because I'm big on honesty and truthfulness he suggested ways that we can word it so that I can actually believe it. I don't think he's going I don't know when he's going to start incorporating the positive stuff until i run out of negative memories or images. I guess I'm not sure that's why I was asking the question. I haven't asked him because I don't know I just I tell him every time I don't understand what the heck's going on with EMDR in the I am totally clueless. From what I have read they don't start incorporating the positive ideas until after the desensitization processing part is over that's why I'm wondering when is the processing part over?