Relationship How Do I Tell Him I Can't Be In A Relationship Right Now :'(

[kahlan]

I can't deal with anything right now. I'm a complete mess and its not fair for anyone to have to deal with me like this right now. N. has been isolating for the past two months. We've had occasional conversations but I try not to take those for granted as he'll disappear again for a few days to a week in between. A good friend he served with committed suicide and he was asked to present the flag at the funeral. I know he was already having a hard time with that, then he had an accident breaking a few ribs, so he's been in a good bit of pain.

I've been having my own share of issues. Financially barely making ends meet, taking care of an extremely active three year old, and the ongoing drama and abuse from the ex. My depression has been worsening steadily, I dropped my new therapist as he seemed only to be going through the motions. Change in my antidepressants has not been for the better. Have had numerous panic attacks in the past month. Mostly in my typical stressor environment (large crowded places: the mall, walmart, art festival at the park) . Its gotten to where I'm having super vivid dreams. One is watching an argument between myself and my ex and instead of what actually happened (i lock my son and I into his room until ex passes out) it escalates to violence. The other is the night he locked my son and me out of the house when it was snowing and very very cold. The last time he came to my house the police had to be called (I love my neighbor! She's amazing!) because he tried to bust down my door. It's all getting to be too much. I don't want to go on. The only thing keeping me even slightly sane is that he will get my son, and thr whole reason I left was to protect my amazing little guy from him.

Anyway, I don't want to hurt N. any further by breaking things off even temporarily especially right now because he's in such a bad place already, but I don't know what else to do. I can't deal with his stuff right now on top of my own. I need help :'(

 

[Flyaway]

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now!!! I'm glad you have a supportive neighbour!

It's really hard when you're just feeling so vulnerable already to have to deal with major changes - like having to change your psychiatrist. Is there anyway you can get another one quickly... So you have that support and extra guidance when it comes to meds?

I'm so happy for you that the ASSWIPE is out of the picture! I know he's left you with some awful scars. They're going to take a while to heal... But it CAN be done!!! Hang in there! You have a son that just can't do without you!!!

What things do you do to self care? It sounds like that needs to be a priority right now.

I think you need to be honest with N. let him know that right now you're feeling overwhelmed with life and PTSD. Let him know that he means the world to you, and while you want him in your life you're relationship with him needs to change until you're both in a better place. Lay down some boundaries or rules that will give you both the time and space you need to heal and move forward. Maybe you can spend time with him once a week doing self care together?

I hope this helps a little!!!

 

[kahlan]

Right now honestly I haven't been doing much for myself. When I can actually have some time for myself I've been trying to pleasure read but am so distracted it just doesn't sink in. As far as the therapist goes I need to call and see if there's another at that practice that may be more suited for me I know, but having trouble motivating myself. I really miss my old t. but he's in another town and while its not terribly far he no longer accepts my
insurance :'( .

I'm just so frustrated and to be honest scared right now. Everything seems to be falling apart. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life but never this bad.

 

[kahlan]

Texted him the opposite of what I wanted. I don't know why. I couldnt bring myself to say what I needed to so I said what I know he would want to hear. I know I'm in a bad spot right now and I know I can't handle all of the emotions that go into a relationship this second but I just can't make the words come out!

 

[sisu]

I totally get it. This is something I struggle with all the time. I know exactly what I want to say, I know exactly what I need to say ~ but what I end up saying is no where near what I should have said. My dang co-dependence and fear of hurting others at my own emotional expense.

Maybe try to write out on paper what you want to say first, then text it exactly as you wrote it. Ponder and get exactly what you want to say written on that paper and when you are ready to text it, do it without thought. Just type it on your phone and send the text. That way you won't fall back and say what he wants to hear.

I'm sending good vibes your way hoping some of your anxiety and depression subside. I sadly know how that feels too. Take care of yourself and that sweet little man of yours!

 

[kahlan]

Have an appointment Monday, same practice new therapist :) He had a cancellation so I got squeezed in :) Hoping this one is a better match! The receptionist, who I've built a little bit of a frienly rapport with, spoke pretty well about him. Also going to squeeze me in with the clinical nurse to discuss the med change.

Feeling much better this afternoon since I made myself do this, plus had a blast joking around with my girls at work (nothing better than inappropriate humor with non-catty ladies to put a smile on your face :D). I'm still feeling pretty crappy but a few baby steps in the right direction at least make me feel like I accomplished something. Still dreading talking to N. though :(