How do you create a meaningful relationship online?

[woodsy1]

Maybe it's a little different for each of us? I find meaning in all our discussion here. It's one of the only communities where I feel safe and understood.

 

[blackemerald1]

What kind of relationship are you wanting to create? Romantic/shared interests/friendship etc?

How much time & energy, caution & courage do you have to invest into doing this?

 

[woodsy1]

What kind of relationship are you wanting to create? Romantic/shared interests/friendship etc?

How much time & energy, caution & courage do you have to invest into doing this?

Good questions! It was more a matter of curiosity as to how people do it.

Let's say companionship. All the time in the world. Sometimes energy is pretty low. Caution would be lower on the online side of things, higher if ever meeting in person.

Enough courage to inquire.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@woodsy1 Well, I think it depends upon where you go online, what kind of person you are, what you are really looking to gain from the experience, and the integrity of the person you are sharing with ....(you can't know what someone is like sight unseen online.....because people are used to "not being themselves" at dating sites and even on other sites-people want to be accepted or be noticed, so all is not authentic online.

However, if they have meet-ups for shared interests (e.g. photography club, church Bible study, book club, charity groups, animal rescue folks, etc.) that might possibly merit a higher level of authenticity because of shared known interests......you are there to share about photography. We come here, because we all have something in common.....trauma....and this site, people are looking to tell their story. But it really depends upon what kind of people you want to meet that have something in common with your interests, eh? So, what kinds of interests could you share online?

 

[RussellSue]

I think it is a lot easier to create meaningful relationships in here than it is in most virtual situations because we all have a common survivor bond. On the other hand, many of us are really good at isolating when things get rough, so we might disappear from time to time, which makes it hard to maintain relationships.

I don't have any advice - just making the observation.

 

[Skywatcher]

Online relationships are contained, much like therapy. It’s a different type of relationship, supportive, but limited.

 

[Friday]

The exact same way I would create / allow for the possibility of a meaningful relationship IRL : Gradually get to know someone, in an increasing variety of contexts.

Whilst I also have a bit of a longer answer? It’s also probably more worth mentioning this, as it hasn’t been brought up in a while
>>> Members Take Note - Everyone Is Not Who You May Think

 

[coraxxx]

I don’t have many answers for this specific forum in which I’m new :-) But I did have very meaningful relationships online on random forums in the past. One has lasted until now—we chatted nearly every day for 10 years, and in the last years we’ve visited each other from time to time. It feels like a very old and comfortable relationship.

What made me get in that forum (it was a teenager forum that hadn’t any specific aim other than social) in the first place was the lack of availability of fulfilling social relationships around me.

In my prison-like world (horrible school, stressing home), it was a way to get out to find something different, and also to show facets of myself that were more authentic, bolder and more enjoyable. Also, the ubiquity of the availability of the friendship on the same mode across the world (important in my case as I was constantly displaced) made her more or less the most stable thing I could have as a friendship, as no matter where I was, the mode I could see her was always the same. With other friends they’d get bored with the written form and wouldn’t spend so much time anyway, and it’s perfectly okay that they’ll conceive it and do it that way.

Reflecting upon it, I think I have kept something of that form of written competence — how do you convey your tone, make jokes etc, on dating apps. I know, it’s a very different thing and I definitely could tell when conversations hit a point where the other person wants a result and not casually continuing to chat, which at times did upset me.

Just as in the "real" world, when making relationships online I think there is a moment for a rather large buffer zone when you speak about stuff without too much aim and eventually it converges into a relationship. And I don’t know if it is necessarily due to the topic of a forum, it’s more a question of personal affinity.

 

[woodsy1]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I appreciate your perspective!