How Do You Deal With The Child Within?

[Pixie]

I have been struggling for years to deal with what I call "insiders". The child parts of me that have been fragmented and segregated. Some of them I hear and some of them, while they don't talk... I can see them.

There are other parts inside too. Parts with names of their own and stories of their own to tell.

Sometimes I try to talk with them and reassure them but at other times I think I am simply crazy and have an overactive imagination. More often than not I don't believe they are real and whenever I say that or write that out, I feel terrible pain inside.

I really struggle to believe they are real, even though I have seen their notes etc. at different times. My psych told me once that I often sound "childlike" which I don't remember and my husband has even talked to one of the insiders a few times.

I just... don't quite know what to do with this and it is driving me crazy because they are starting to get more... um, vocal.

Am I crazy? Because I keep beating myself up over it and end up saying that I'm just stupid and go off on a self hate rampage... :stupid:

Pixie

 

[Nikki]

Hi Pixie

I have not heard about this before but I have heard that it is common to revert to the "child" in certain situations.

 

[trial'n'error]

I know exactly what you are talking about. Listen to what they are saying, re-process what they went thru but take care of them (your child self) at the same time. A good therapist should be able to help you through this and re-integrate. :) You are one person ... they are coping mechanisms.

 

[Pixie]

My psych calls them "fragmented parts" of me if that makes any sense???

Pixie

 

[bonnecanyon]

Hi Pixie

Yes, the soul can fragment when there is trauma. It's your way of coping with the horrible things that happened to you.

My therapist is planning to do a "soul retrieval" for me next week. Maybe that is something that would help you too. Please continue to reassure the inner voices that you hear - they are all part of you and need to be nurtured so they can heal.

You're on the right track.

Take care
BC

 

[Healing Survivor]

I understand this well. It's very frustrating and gives me a sense of out of control-ness. I do think it's common with those who were abused at a young age. My therapist called it...something. Frick, I can't remember! That happens to me all the time. Anyway, something like dissociation, but not that...If I remember I'll tell you. ;)

 

[Pixie]

Even thinking about them makes me feel very upset. Almost like, we are so fractured that they don't trust me... and probably with good reason as I've denied them and resisted them for so long.

Please don't think I'm crazy (and honestly I know you won't but I still have the fear...) but I took the little ones to see the one inside that I call "cave girl" and showed them that it is "her" that we have to save. Cave girl doesn't talk. She is completely immersed in her own "madness" and just rocks back and forth in the dirty cave, staring at nothing and I can see in her eyes that she isn't "there". Her hair is matted and she is all dirty but she is alone and I don't let anyone disturb her.

If my family knew of this, they'd have me back in their version of "ministry" and try and get rid of the d*mon within...

Ick!

Now I really DO feel crazy!

Pixie

 

[Healing Survivor]

I call mine Penny. And I feel crazy too! Nobody but my therapist knows about that name! And I have an extremely hard time talking to/acknowledging her. I'm supposed to be nurturing to her. WHAT?! I don't even understand what that means. I think that's part of what's keeping me back from my healing--not fully acknowleding and accepting that part of myself. I'm way disconnected from ME. Does that make sense? I worry so much that I don't make sense....

 

[Healing Survivor]

By the way, Pixie...I'm really sorry. :( It's so sad what our little girls go through. And what's sadder is that I could probably be there for yours, just not mine! Sadness...

 

[Pixie]

I know exactly what you mean. Not being able to move forward because I can't accept it, and being disconnected so bad that when I look at a photo of when I was that age, I just... can't connect to it and don't know who or what that girl felt. Actually, to be honest, I even think that about my wedding photos! I don't know that young woman... have no idea! ugh... what a mess.

I have no problem believing and talking too and comforting other survivors "insiders". To me it is natural... but I can't do that for myself though I'm trying very hard to do it.

My psych said that it was a good idea to put presents for them on my present tree, which I've done. Don't quite know how I'm going to explain THAT to hubby, but he has seen me in a childlike state before when occasionally I let them do drawings or colour in a book that I bought just for them. I feel stupid though so I don't do it very often... and it is scary to lose control like that. Seeing them in MY body doing child like things! Eeek!

I've worked so hard all my life to NOT be a child. Was taught to NOT be a child... so I find this a very difficult aspect to really accept but... at some point, I'm going to have to do just that...

Pixie

 

[Icy]

Inner child

One of my therapists brought up the inner child. The little girl that I once was is still inside of me. My therapist told me that I need to comfort and show love to that part of me because she is still very frightened and confused, and it has a lot to do with the PTSD that I suffer. I struggle with the very thought of it, but I think on it sometimes and it makes sense.

Inside of me, is this child (we all have it, the child we once were). and my inner child was not comforted when she would cry, or felt fear. She was tortured and humiliated on many levels. She doesn't feel loved, wanted, needed.......she doesn't believe that she is worthy of anything, and it's my job to convince her otherwise. She doesn't realize that she is safe now, and that the trauma is over. Once I bring her into the light, I can then move on more with the adult side of me now. She is the one who surfaces when the fear kicks in. She's a frightened child who is all alone.

If I turn my back on her completely, I will be doing to myself, what others have done to me. I think that the whole point here is to accept that part of yourself, to learn to love yourself, to deal with the things that tear at your heart, soul, and mind, and to learn to cope, and grow beyond the pain.

I am still struggling hard, but I am not giving up, and if loving my inner child can help, I am willing to learn how to incorporate it into my life.

She is the epitome of my PTSD

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Icy explained it very well. I'm also having a difficult time "reaching" my inner child. I don't know if she is resisting or if the adult me is but regardless, I'm at the point where I can be aware of what she needs but don't know how to provide her with it.