How do you deal with "the silent treatment?"

[Changing4Best]

I am currently receiving "The Silent Treatment" from an ex-friend who is also a neighbor. I have to wait for the bus with him every morning, and ever since I got him in trouble for teasing me (and another person) he has been sitting next to me on the bus bench every morning, refusing to speak to me, and in general acting like a 12 year old kid who is pouting because he cannot have his way.

His favorite pastime has been in the past, to pick on people and tease them and make them squirm. Ever since we all got a lecture about this at the club with attend, he has been unable to carry on like this and he is peeved. Since I am the one who spoke up against teasing and being picked on (bullying) he blames me for his predicament. He cannot see anything wrong with picking on others and making them uncomfortable. Instead, he seems to think he has been denied some basic right or something!

The silence is pregnant. You can "slice it with a knife." It is hard to deal with and sets the tone of the day to be a rather bad one.

So how do you deal with "The Silent Treatment?"

 

[DharmaGirl]

It depends. With him I might just bring a book and read while waiting. If it were someone else, I might chatter away until they forgot they weren't talking to me. But in your situation, I would bring a book. He brought this on himself, and he is trying to lay blame on you? No. Ignore him.

 

[anonymous]

I agree, I would read a book or do something else. Don't take it on, it sounds like he's being manipulative.

 

[Rani G2]

Just like others have said here before, I would just ignore and mind my own buisness. The “silence“ itself, can feel somewhat -I will use a very strong word-- threatening. Its like lying in ambush?? Dealing with it means that some sought of emotions arises with it. Maybe you can see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better? Sounds like esoterical crap, but you are finding healthier and selfstrengthening ways to cope with it.

 

[joeylittle]

How do you know he blames you for anything? Has he told you, or are you assuming?

If you're assuming, I'd say work on changing that thought - or work on understanding that you aren't the reason for his actions, he is.

If he's told you - then he really is acting like a child, and if there's another bench to sit on, just get up and leave. Or, have something that will help distract you, like a book.

Either way - dealing with situations like this, to me, involves getting the attention off of the thought that is causing me to be upset about someone else's behavior.

 

[scout86]

Is it possible that he's not saying anything because he doesn't want to say the wrong thing and get in more trouble? Maybe he really DOESN'T know what he did wrong and he has no way to know how to avoid it. Since he's an 'ex-friend', maybe he's assuming you don't want to talk to him. (Are you greeting him and he's not replying?) Maybe he's really being childish too, but, if that's the case, seems like the best way to handle it is to ignore it.

How do you want him to handle the situation?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Or you could just broach the subject and ask him if he's upset and if he is, then why???? If he doesn't respond, then ignoring him is the only way to go!!!!

 

[Changing4Best]

He said, the day after the lecture we got about not picking on others or teasing them, that he will no longer be speaking to me, "... because of what you said on the bus yesterday." What I had said on the bus, to another passenger, not him (although he and his buddy had already been teasing me and picking on me, which I had been ignoring) was, "I am not in the mood to be teased today." I said this to a woman who is always excusing her cuts and barbs with, "I was just teasing." when in fact she is not teasing, just making excuses for her inappropriate behavior.

I suppose he is possibly being careful, not wanting to get into further trouble. I had thought of that too, but hey, it has been a month now or so, since the lecture. He's had plenty of time to think of things to say that are NOT teasing or picking.

I say he is an ex-friend because of his refusal to speak with me at all now. I had tried to work it out with him, and the last thing he said to me is, "I don't want to talk about it." So that is how it stands right now. We used to talk about the weather, current events, politics, whatever. He NEVER teased or picked on me when we were alone. Only when we were in the social club or on the bus which goes to it, did he tease me or pick on me. I couldn't figure it out back then, really. When alone with me, he seemed to be my friend. When in the group, he acted like an enemy, embarrassing me and being obnoxious. I still can't figure it out. It has me puzzled....

 

[Deleted member 541]

I wouldn't be puzzled!!! I would just forget about it. He doesn't want to talk, so end of story. Bring a book and read while you're waiting for the bus. He's pulling the kindergarten thing, and not being an adult. So you be the adult and respect his boundaries, even if they are childish and he doesn't want to work it out!!!!

 

[anonymous]

You set your boundary, he set his boundary.

I would do like others have suggested and just bring along a book, or reach out and talk to other people. It probably takes him a lot of effort to go from fairly talkative to silent. He may give it up after awhile and become talkative again.

Do you want to try to be friends with him again? Do you want him to talk to you? If so, you might need to tell him that you would like to talk with him, just without the teasing. He may still keep his boundary though and simply refuse to talk to you. Just carry on with your own life and it will seem a lot less awkward in time.

 

[Ivi]

This is the reason headphones were invented. Lol. I use them all the time anyway regardless since they help me not be paranoid outside and keep me calm. But like others have said if not read a book. He's 100% in the wrong and you shouldn't cater to that

 

[420kitty]

As far as ex-friends' and bullies go - I just ignore it. Like other have pointed out do something productive in the mean time. Hell, even playing a game on your phone would work and probably make you smile in the process. :)