How do you deal with triggers?

[jenkins]

if u do struggle with being shakey, what do y'all do abt it?

I stop what I'm doing, take slow deep breaths, like I'm meditating. For 3 seconds I breathe in, then 5 seconds I breathe out, or something similar according to your preferred speed.

I also carry a worry stone in my pocket. Whether it works by the placebo effect or not, it still helps me.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I don't tend to avoid anxiety-producing things, I engage them head on. Here's how I did it.

I was forced to take a speech class in uni, I got it out of the way in my first year, and it was the best class I took that year!

I took a serious look at how I viewed the world, which was really messed up. I was assuming people were thinking bad things about me, or laughing at me. But I had no evidence for that. So I stopped the "stinking thinking" and started thinking about other reasons people were laughing. Well, I'm a funny guy, I make jokes on purpose. The people weren't trying to be mean to me, sometimes my mistakes WERE funny! So I had to reprogram my bad habits by not thinking the worst all the time. This took me years and I still work on it.

2 years later, still in Uni I took a big risk with a job at a Fortune 500 company. My pay was more than minimum wage, and I learned a lot. I needed the money for college. Then towards the end of the summer I learned I had to make a presentation to a room full of Vice Presidents! I practiced my presentation for at least 2 weeks and when I went there, all the VPs were very nice. One even asked if he could get ME a coffee! I was stunned. I was learning all my assumptions about people were wrong, or at least over generalized.

All during college I addressed my social anxiety and practiced small talk. I went out to parties. I got invited to a lot of parties but I'm not really a party person. But I decided to go. I would start going for about 30 minutes at first, long enough to challenge me but not too long to make me sick of the whole experience. Do not over do this, but challenge yourself.

Gradually, with more practice, I got better at small talk. You can get better at just about anything with practice.

Around this point in my life I started to look back at my life and noticed how my friends and peers were trying to help me with my anxiety in their own awkward way. It didn't matter that they didn't do a great job, what mattered was they TRIED, because they CARED. They really cared. I was stunned at looking at these things again, my negative assumptions about the world continued to crumble.

I no longer struggle with social anxiety, but I'm not a big talker either. I'm fine being in social situations, because I challenged myself to meet a goal, and I didn't beat up myself when I had a bad day and just wasn't feeling great at a party and failed at small talk. I might leave that party, but I didn't give up... I went to another party the next day.

As another example, I'm a bit afraid of heights. So I went on an obstacle course about 2-3 stories up in the trees. Some obstacles were zip lines, and I did zip lines over an alligator park, over the alligator pens. What a workout, but what a rush! It was tiring and fun all at the same time!

Now I'm terrified of tarantulas, so to address that I might find a pet show or pet shop and ask to hold a tarantula.

All this takes years to do. Take baby steps, don't take too big a step at once. Don't put yourself down. Once I started conquering fears, progress started to speed up. Life isn't perfect, but it does get better!

This was a good read, today. I have been having a similar approach to problem-solving, groups of people, relationships/social anxiety, and yes.....other people trying because they care.....not the outcome, is the big thing. Thanks!

 

[Jane_]

Hi Eliza.

It feels weird saying that because my name is also Eliza! (Jane is my middle name)

I’ve just stumbled across this forum and saw one of your earlier posts, it caught my eye (not just because we share the same name) but because I’ve also been caught up in a terrorist attack in London. In September 2017 I got on the tube from my flat in East Putney on the way to work in the morning and then less than 5mins later once we pulled up at Parsons green station a bomb partially exploded about 5 meters away from me, i wasn’t very physically injured by the blast but as I was close to the door I got knocked over fairly quickly and was trampled by everyone rushing to leave the carriage.

I’ve never met anyone who even remotely shares any of these experiences (even from a witness point of view like yourself) and it’s been really hard not having anyone to relate to or having anyone who understands.

Fireworks are also a big trigger for me.. I had a *slight* (okay, major) meltdown over the New Years period a few weeks ago when watching some.

So I just wanted to reach out and say hi and that you’re not alone, tried to see if I could send this as a private message but couldn’t figure out how/if it exists on here! X

 

[Eliza]

Hi Eliza!
It’s nice to meet someone who has shared a similar experience.
I used to live in Southfields, so got the District Line every day. And part of what made my PTSD a bit more complicated is that I fairly narrowly avoided that attack too (I was hungover so running late!). So when people say, “You shouldn’t be scared - what are the chances of getting caught up in two terror attacks?” And at that point I was thinking it was pretty darned likely!
I also tried to respond in a private message - but I couldn’t figure it out either. I followed you, so maybe if you do the same to me we can do it that way??
It’s really nice to ‘meet’ someone who has been through a similar thing.

 

[Jane_]

Hi Eliza!
It’s nice to meet someone who has shared a similar experience.
I used to live in Southfields, so got the District Line every day. And part of what made my PTSD a bit more complicated is that I fairly narrowly avoided that attack too (I was hungover so running late!). So when people say, “You shouldn’t be scared - what are the chances of getting caught up in two terror attacks?” And at that point I was thinking it was pretty darned likely!
I also tried to respond in a private message - but I couldn’t figure it out either. I followed you, so maybe if you do the same to me we can do it that way??
It’s really nice to ‘meet’ someone who has been through a similar thing.

I followed you back but nothing new shows up, I think maybe messaging isn’t possible on here!

I find it really hard to cope when other attacks happen, even if they aren’t in London. I’ve become a tiny bit obsessed with checking the news headlines I think, but then as soon as something actually happens I absolutely shut down. As an example, last year there was an attack on a mosque in NZ and a lot of people died (I have NZ flatmates and a lot of my friends are from there) and I felt on the verge of tears all day at work and even the next day. I ended up having to move all social media apps and my news home page icon to a different folder on my phone for a whole week because I was getting so triggered every time I just automatically opened up one of these and there was something about it.

It’ll be a big relief if I’m able to just process these events like a normal person one day, to feel the grief but still be able to go on functioning like a normal person for the rest of the week - that would be nice!

 

[Eliza]

I know how you feel. I simultaneously want to avoid the headlines, but then end up obsessively reading up on news stories when these things happen.
I hope you're doing ok after the Streatham attack at the weekend btw. I found it fairly triggering, but I've managed to mostly avoid the headlines.

 

[Jane_]

Yes luckily I’ve also managed to avoid most of those headlines, also there seems to be not much posted on social media or other non-news websites about it which helps.

I’m traveling at the moment and I think not being in London helps a lot for me, especially not having to get the tube everyday and being in popular areas of London that I’d consider to be more vulnerable for those kinds of attacks (although I know technically things could happen anywhere!... like Streatham!)
. I’ve still had a lot of triggers while being on this trip (loud noises, fireworks, crowds.... and basically anytime I have too much to drink! ??‍) but in general I feel much better on a day to day basis. I’ll be back in a few weeks through so we’ll see how I go after managing to avoid all the triggers of London for the past 6 months!

 

[Eliza]

Yes, I do find when there are lots of social media posts after an event, it makes everything a lot harder.
I have moved out of London now too - not far out (Watford), but it does make a difference to feel a little more distanced from it.
I find people talking about attacks is a major trigger for me. I work at a large tourist attraction which could potentially be a target, so that does always worry me.
The last big panic attack I had it was our onsite paramedic talking to our duty managers (I can't remember the conversation, but the green of his uniform added to the general memory), there were also lots of other conversations going on, and someone was talking about the life insurance policies we have, and saying that they could get hit by a car and their parents wouldn't know where the insurance info is. And all of this added together led to a massive flashback/panic attack. It was around bonfire night too, so the fireworks were already making me permanently on edge for several weeks, and I was panicking about going to a fireworks display that weekend.
I hope you've enjoyed your travels. Hopefully having a bit of distance from all the triggers will help you when you return.