@brightonguy
ahh yes the on edge side very much familiar to me.... Boundaries was something that both of us set. I initiated some space so he could cool off abit following a very unsuccessful attendance to a friends wedding where i sent him home "he was so far away and just not himself" I said to him that I would speak with him the following sunday and reassured him that he needed this etc and that I did not want to lose him....
After a very long and horrible week(8 days was way to long I was stressing the whole time and intense intense researching) I realised that if I was ever going to initiate space for him I would need it for myself aswell. soooo.... we sat down and had a big chat to see what we would suit...I came up with between the 1st and the 5th of each month we have some "mind camp" which is where you and the other person can have some time to rejuvenate and re focus and some time for yourself.... then following up with an un failed meet up on the 6th day of the month.
another boundary we talked about as my partner is currently "in a hell hole" as he describes it is that currently he just wants everything to be easy and less stress in his life, we both agreed to seeing each other with no fail on atleast one day on the weekend and to spend the night together..... and that during the week when we are apart either one of us will get in contact with the other on a day on day off basis, we are finding this okay only on our 2nd week but so far so good however I did initiate a little more than him but reassured him again yesterday about it....i also went around yesterday and it was the first time where I did not cry or become emotional or upset....I was cool calm and collected which is getting better each week.
some other boundaries is that when he is needing space for himself he needs to talk to me about it he does not have to explain the reasons why in depth. but he needs to provide me with reassurance that it has nothing to do with me. also in saying that if he is needing this for himself a text a couple times a week would be beneficial. (I have a generalised anxiety disorder myself and its important to think about yourself aswell when setting boundaries)
Its really important to think about you. Which is something that has all just come new to me in the last few weeks.... I have gone through a few grieving stages from what's happened with him and the isolation and this was my first intense one to experience it really did come in the 5 stages sometimes you may jump between two of them mine was bargaining and depression................................ grief, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I suggest researching there is a book that's fantastic its called the Post traumatic stress disorder relationship by diane England...I have read this in the last few weeks twice and has really helped me understand.
I think I have now hit the acceptance stage......... cant lie some bargaining is still happening lol.....also what I have found beneficial when I do see him at the moment on Sunday's is that only on that day his my focus on him but on the other days although.... yes he is still there and I love him but I try to focus on myself....do uni work, gym, friends..............just don't be afraid to text her as I know supporters can feel like they are walking on egg shells and if they know your worrying about them it could cause more impact on further stress for the sufferer.
don't mind my spelling and punctuation I have dyslexia
hugs if accepted
