How do you have compassion for yourself?

[EveHarrington]

Simple question.

How do you have compassion for yourself?

How do you show yourself compassion?

Thanks!

 

[Freida]

Great questions!!! Beats me! Hopefully watching this thread for ideas..

 

[Nessa7]

I think the biggest way is to pause and ask myself if I would treat someone else the same way that I'm treating myself. Usually, I wouldn't. It helps me to put things in perspective.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

By purposely breathing as soon as I wake each day, mindful consumption of things internal and external, staying fully aware of my self-talk and energetic exchanges with others (reminding myself often of what @Nessa7 mentioned above), gently moving and thanking all my body parts that still function on purpose each day, by continually educating myself on all things I choose to consume/speak/think/offer/create, by trying to be the love I never received when I needed it the most, and by learning how to finally be more open to receiving help with it all vs. remaining convinced more often than not that "I've got this" all by myself....even though I now fully realize that I truly am my own best hope, even though that's quite a scary thought some days.

 

[Freida]

thanking all my body parts that still function on purpose each day,

my body and are still barely on speaking terms --- any words of wisdom of how you got here?

 

[Friday]

I go for self respect, not self compassion. If I’ve f*cked up? It’s my responsibility to fix it, not make myself feel better about f*cking up. If I want to feel better? I can damn well fix the problem.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Some really excellent answers here I just wanted to add: practice.

It’s hard sometimes and it’s very easy to fall into my old ways of beating myself up and saying horrible things to myself.

Also I’ve found in the beginning I had a lot of guilt and icky feelings about self care and compassion and I had to trick myself into doing it. So for me I’m pretty much everyone else’s support (maladaptive childhood survival skills) so in order to be able to support other people I have to be well enough so that’s why I had to practice self care.

I eventually got to a place where I was capable of self care and compassion just for me but it took a while. And part of that practice now is to say no to being everyone’s unpaid counsellor.

 

[Freida]

And part of that practice now is to say no to being everyone’s unpaid counsellor.

I've been working on learning how to do that because I used other peoples problems to distract from mine for a long time. I felt bad at first, then disappointed in how many people bailed on my once I was no longer their go-to person. Now -- I'm starting to like the silence of only having my own crap to deal with

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

It's been a long strange trip, @Freida . After my ER visit that prompted my overnight drastic lifestyle changes, I was spending more time with what most folks would most likely call new age weirdos, snake oil salesmen, and such and they helped me become more comfortable with more nurturing self talk and the whole mind/body connection. I started by looking in the mirror each day, several times a day, making myself stare into my own eyes, and telling myself out loud, "I love you"...and it felt weird as shit at first. But I did it every day for a couple weeks and it became a habit. I'd also write notes to myself on my dry erase boards and the mirror to remind me to..."Be-YOU-tiful today, dahling...you're the only one who can do it the way you need it to be done."

I also started making it more of a priority to more healthily nurture my skin daily as I learned how to make my own hygiene products to avoid the toxic concoctions I'd grown used to and sickened by through the years, so that presented another chance for more body connections. I'd thank each body part as I moisturized and started learning more about what was actually underneath the skin and how it all worked....and started thanking organs, cells, bones, muscles, joints, etc., too....saying things like, "I know you're out of sight and out of mind, but I thank you for all you do to keep me going each day without ever having to be asked or reminded. You f'n rock!"

I was still feeling weird about it all, but also feeling more and more connected as I kept learning more about what truly makes each part of this meat coated skeleton tick, and how to best fuel it and treat it to maximize it's abilities to heal. What I learned was a helluva lot different than the small bit I'd been taught and exposed to up until that point....so much essential stuff had been omitted and totally overlooked by schools, family, professionals, etc. Blew my damn mind...made me crave knowing more once I kept finding genuine relief int he damnedest places.

Then I learned the Ho'oponopono prayer (still can't say it right, though...lol), which also sounded nuts to me when I first listened to the story of the man using it in the mental asylum, but figured what the hell, and it also seemed to bring an overwhelming peace to my heart that just felt right, so I continue to use it on an almost daily basis, too. When my what-ifness brain kicks into high gear, or when bodily pains take me down, or when I feel judgemental towards someone, or just whenever it feels right.

Chanting helps me a lot, too. Om Mani Padme Hum (loving kindness) is a favorite....and Ra-Ma-Da-Sa-Sa-Say-So-Hung (universal healing chant) are two that felt the most powerful. Still quiet meditation helps just as much, where I focus on my breath and scanning my body. It's been so many different things...I'm sure I'm leaving something out.

I feel like I'm babbling. Hope that helps and may you find the paths that feel right to you.

 

[Sideways]

Behaving (showing) compassion to myself is far easier than trying to believe I deserve compassion. So for me, I focus on behaviours that are compassionate, which is primarily about self-care, then doing things that have value for me (like recovery, getting out in the community, doing things that I enjoy). The goal is that if I behave compassionately to myself, the belief that I deserve compassion will grow with time (that’s a work in progress).

The big ticket item is trying to behave compassionately to myself when I’m distressed. That, for me, involves identifying the emotion (like, okay I’m sad/panicked right now), reminding myself that it’s valid to be feeling that way, then asking “What would I do for someone I cared about if they were feeling like that?” And do that. Trying to figure out how to be compassionate to myself directly is still too hard for me, but I can figure out compassion if I think about someone I care about. So, if my friend was sad? I would hug them and bring them something nice maybe...

When all else fails? I change the language, and instead of self-compassion (which seems to need a degree of self-acceptance that I haven’t always got), I aim for self-neutral. I’m an organic being, and like plants and animals and every organic being on the planet, I need food, water, rest and to not be injured. Right back to basics like that is helpful for me when it all just gets too hard, because it’s judgement free. Food and water, rest, and no injury - if I can pull that off for myself? Usually I achieve a level of self-compassion by default, but without the headtrip.

 

[Freida]

@Tornadic Thoughts no babbling - I am fascinated by all this. I've already do some alternative stuff (chiro, massage , natruopath) so I'm always interested in learning more. While I was still working I never had time - I was struggling to hard just to keep it together thru the day. Now that I'm off I have more time to decompress and think about how the whole system thing works

Then I learned the Ho'oponopono prayer

What's that?

Om Mani Padme Hum

I got to go to Nepal and heard this the first time there. It still makes me smile when I hear it

hen asking “What would I do for someone I cared about if they were feeling like that?” And do that.

Well. I can make that work! I know I can boss others around to help them so it would make sense I should be able to turn that back to me.

Food and water, rest, and no injury - if I can pull that off for myself? Usually I achieve a level of self-compassion by default, but without the headtrip

my guru used to make me repeat - I'm warm, I'm dry, I'm fed and I'm safe right now over and over. I haven't done it in a while. Think its time to reinstate it

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

This is the series of videos I first listened to, @Freida , after being told of the Ho'oponopono prayer by the healing practitioner who pretty much saved my life by helping to guide me through my new/cleaner/kinder consumption habits, who has practiced it for years with great results in her own life, and then learning it had been used in a mental asylum with criminally insane patients with amazing results.

He read their charts as he said the prayer over and over...never meeting them in person....and many experienced significant healing/improvements that no one ever expected, some even released.

It's yet another thing that fascinated the shit out of me and seemed way too good to be true, but it was free and can be done anywhere, anytime, so I had to try:
Dr Hew Len 1 of 9, ho'oponopono