How do you process and balance both the trauma and the blessings in your life?

[PamelaS]

I have DID and struggle with this a lot, especially because some parts of me have only experienced lovely memories and experiences while other parts of me have only existed in agonizing trauma time.

We have wrestled with this concept a lot. Because we have so many different viewpoints and experiences, it’s extremely difficult to know how we feel “as a whole person.” We have spent a lot of time being confused. Was it the worst thing in the world or was everything great? Does the bad wipe out the good or the good wipe out the bad? It can be so confusing day to day and we can be easily overwhelmed by the emotions/viewpoints of whomever part is nearby at the time.

For now, we have kind of settled on the fact that life consists of both amazing beauty and deep atrocity…and they co-exist side by side. It’s as if heaven and hell are here on earth….we find ourself in both of them from time to time in all the moments we are existing in/experiencing each day of our life.

I wish I had a better answer. I do know there are some studies that say that the bad holds more weight (as our brains are wired for survival) and it takes many, many, many reparative experiences for our brain to start to believe “things really are different now”….especially when it comes to trauma/ptsd type experiences.

We have also settled on it’s gonna be a roller coaster ride. So buckle up and make space for whatever shows up. The more we fight it, the less we are able to experience the entire gamut of what makes us human.

Funny that you used the description of heaven and hell coexisting. I see that all the time. They are like parallel universes that exist in the same space. There is evil which is what has caused our pain, and then there is good which gives us hope.
Sorry for the challenges of DID. I’m sure it is confusing. You seem to have a good handle on it and look at it from a well balanced perspective. I think that you appear to be handling it pretty well, considering. Much respect for you.

 

[deno]

For a long time, I felt like my trauma defined everything, and if I acknowledged anything good, it somehow minimized the truth of what I went through. But I’ve realized that my life, just like everyone’s, isn't a single story. It's a mix of hell and beauty, survival and hope. Neither cancels the other out. They just are.

I think part of healing is recognizing that the darkness is real, but so is the light. That doesn’t mean we have to be grateful for the pain... just means we don’t have to stay trapped in it. We can hold both truths. We can live beyond what happened to us.

I used to wonder if I would ever feel safe, if I would ever trust my own experiences without needing validation from others. And now? I’m finding that I don’t need the world to recognize my story in order for it to be real. I recognize it. And that’s enough.