How Do You Respond To Other People's Anger?

[mary1979]

Other peoples anger terrifies me.

I will ALWAYS back down when the anger is directed at me, blame myself, apologise repeatedly and then cry and blame myself for that too.
Victim mode I suppose.

Last year my boss was under an incredible amount of pressure from management, and became quite short tempered with us all as a collective.

I responded to that by trying to make her laugh, usually by putting myself down.
I cant stand the awkwardness of it all and instinctively try to defuse it with jokes.
Looking back at the situation later, I realise it was a similar 'victim' type reaction.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

how do you handle that?

Personally, horribly.

Anger is a weird thing with me. Im diagnosed BPD; I feel emotions in extremes and cant regulate them very well (though trying to learn) but i also explode, badly. Its why i was forced into therapy to begin with.

Today i can recongize cues that im about the explode (so, if possible, I can get myself out of the situatuon) but i have the blind rage explosions but at the same time my internal self is crawling into a safe corner. It almost feels like something else takes over. On the other end of the explosion, im wanting to numb out (cut, get high...anything)...i think thats because the explosion has tapped into emotions i cant identify nor handle yet.

If someone is spouting anger at me where i dont explode; i can think (like lowering my voice to disfuse them) but that anxiety is climbing fast and if it doesnt disfuse and if i cant get myself away from it, it will end in a blind rage explosion. I dont know what im doing or saying in those times...ive never been violent but that still scares me and i dont like going there at all. I think part of the wanting to cut after is to "punish myself" for exploding.

But thats how i handle it, horribly. I think handling situations correctly, any situation, is going to take time. We havent learned how to correctly handle stuff so we do the best we can with what we have.

 

[sun seeker]

Well, what I did so far was decide what my needs are in this situation and calmly but firmly communicate that. I left repairing the situation in the hands of the person who exploded at me, if she decides she cares to. So far, no answer.

I can see that my mistake in many such situations in the past has been to let people walk all over me because I have so much empathy for the situation they are in. I don't want them to suffer. It is honestly just beginning to sink in that having empathy doesn't have to mean letting myself be treated badly. If people want my help, they can ask nicely. And asking, as @FridayJones has pointed out on other threads, implies being ready to hear either a "yes" or a "no." This friend wasn't asking for what I ended up refusing to give, she was assuming she could just take it.

It makes me sad. It is inevitable I will run into this person, and I feel like I have done something wrong, even though I know I haven't.

 

[katz]

My family was always yelling while I was growing up. When a situation gets out of hand, or someone is very upset, I quickly try to calm them down. I comfort them is they are upset. Or if they are angry and loud, I tell them that I understand them and try to ease them down enough to talk about it.

I feel like I'm trying to "get control" of the situation, while satisfying everyone. Although, I do tend to put my own opinions aside while I am doing this. I try to find a place later on, to put in my opinion of the situation.

 

[Changing4Best]

I try to remember to pray for them to calm down, if I remember to do so. Sometimes it is hard to remember to do this when you are being yelled at! But I try.

 

[Mallaky]

Scared. Because I am better at being angry then most.
I will get angrier. I will get louder. I will win.

So I distance myself from angry people. I cannot allow them to infect me with their anger. It's unhealthy for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

React defensively

Fight back

Fight back

Fight back

Go numb

Give up

It's done

:-/