Relationship How Do You Stay When You Feel So Tired And Alone?

[Nicolette]

Well maybe it is.

Careful...........this is 'walking on eggshells talk'............basing your responsibilities and behaviours on a Sufferers reactions. Granted you have to pick your battles and some times you have to bite your tongue at times but don't take on blame which is yours not to hold.

My take on this is.....what's the point being in a relationship if you are being alone?! We are all humans and have needs and sometimes they don't meet but that still doesn't mean what you feel and want doesn't hold merit. You are no lesser a deserving person than each other.

 

[hopelives]

Nicolette you are so right. I find myself trying to make sure that I pull myself up on this type of talk. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

[hopelives]

OK well a lot of stuff has been happening and my husband is going well with his therapist. He also went to the doctor and we are having bloods taken soon.

He is not really here much but is here just for meals and for talks. He has taken the kids for short burst and gave me a night off the other day putting kids to bed.

Now for the last week I have been really really tired and sick and well boob hurt. Well first thought is pregnant. Now I have been saying virus all week. But reality is this is how I am when pregnant. I have done a test but too early to be sure. But I did get a faint positive today. But I will be sure next week.

Now my husband just was like I can't have another kid and stressed out and said Im sure youll deal with it all as I can't cope. So no real support. Doesn't want to talk about it and said we will just cope like we always have.

I feel really REALLY stupid. To be honest sex has been sparadic at best for the last 2 months since he started therapy. I mean I can pin point the day and time kind of no existant sex life. We have been careful. So I dont see how this has happen but alas it is possible. I dont know what to feel

I am not down over it as there is no point to be. But I am sad that my husband and I can't celebrate this new life. (if I am) As he sees it as just another stress. My parents will be stunned shocked and I dare say angry if I am. Seriously this was totally not planned and I have resigned myself to the fact my husband and I wont have any more kids due to his illness.

Anyway I am sure I must sound so irresponsible to you. I feel so stupid. Anyway next week I should know for sure.

 

[anni]

No, you do not sound irresponsible, or stupid, or any of the other things you might be throwing at yourself. It's not good timing for you or him, of course it isn't. Others might react badly, and if you are pregnant sure, it's going to be stressful. But you know what? A baby is just never anything but a nice thing, in the end. I've had 4, and not ONE of them with someone who I'd faintly consider now to have been supportive-one was a monster. Still- there was this baby. I always think having a baby in the house is a little bit like having Christmas in the house 24/7, you know? There's just something kind of special there-things feel different, and better, no matter how anyone else looks at it for you. I don't even know why, since we're tired, the house is a mess, things smell awful and the scedule is shot-hardly a glowing picure. In my case, especially when I had my daughter, I was being literally terrorized and brutalized-and there was STILL that wierd baby 'thing'. I don't know.

No, it's awful timing. But you'e not stupid, etc. etc. It does sound like it will throw a spanner in all kinds of works, be upsetting to others, stress the healing in the relationship but a baby is just going to be nice to have around.

Maybe he won't react as badly as you think, either, you know? It's a stress, but this PTSD thing really is unpredictable.

Do take care, and since it's not good timing I hope it's just a scare.If not, I hope you'll be ok with us offering sincere well-wishing. Babies just do that. All the best,

Anni

 

[hopelives]

WOW Anni you are special. Thanks so much.

 

[anni]

OH I was soooo worried you wouldn't like any of that, sickofit!! Whew! And with things the way they are, what if it just made you feel WORSE?! It's really, really what I THINK about babies.

I realize others might read that, and think well, easy for her to say, in a stable marraige, someone who loves her, with the bills paid, a roof over her head,she's making it too easy. Easy for HER to say. I'd have LOVED to have brought any one of my children home to this. I did not, and in point of fact should NOT have had a family with the worst of my husbands-and yes I've had too many. I had none of these things, then and in the worst of possible circumstances brought this teeny tiny little girl home. God. I can't post her photo publically but wish I could. She's 19 now, a Chem/Math major at a wonderful school, beautiful, happy, and I love all my children but oh my- she saved my ass, as a baby. That Christmas in the house thing just feels real. I won't get into what was going on- it's a good thing she doesn't remember since the houses included a safe house, but it was THERE.

This will lose it's effectiveness if I become emotional about 'then' so will not, but I'm so glad you thought it was ok to say all that.You're married to someone you do love, and have children with, and are trying with. Everything else is a moot point,since it's probably a fact now, and distracting, too, because then one doesn't get to acknowledge that babies are GOOD things, in the end.

Rambling so will shush. :)

 

[hopelives]

Well I went to the doctors today. And they are doing blood tests to see if I am pregnant or I have a virus. I do believe I am pregnant.

Anyway I will know as of Tuesday either way hopefully.

And my husband has got his head around it and we are joking about it. He is being very nice and loving.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

:) wish you well

 

[anni]

It's terribly personal, but if it's ok with you, and not too much, let us know? If you can't, I understand. Beyond all the other things going on, you know we'll be there for you with the puffy ankles and that thing which happens where one feels you're not actually walking forward anymore!

It must be nice he's joking about it- having a laugh together is a sort of closeness I treasure so much anyway with my husband.

 

[hopelives]

Well although Im still sick and I am only able to just tolerate fruit iceblocks. Pregnant or not I have lost 5kg in the last week. :) I am going back for my blood test results tomorrow. But I am going to do another pregnancy test today as I feel a bit impatient.lol

Extremely tired and I can't handle thinking or talking about or smelling food. But I am ok at about 4pm and I eat than but it can only be a small meal..

Ah will be good to know. My husband has been nice and he is trying ot be supportive. :)

 

[anni]

Please don't feel you have to keep repying to ME on your own thread, or anything but doing journaling. I'm kind of laughing over you feeling awful but there's that smiley face after having lost 5kg. Hee! I know the feeling! :)

I used to hate it then when people would say 'maybe try to eat xyz' because it would be a FOOD conversation..... . Argh. They mean well but your stomach does not think so!

Have some rest, where you can with little ones, too. :)

 

[hopelives]

Ah Anni it is nice to talk.lol My adult conversations are limited.lol

I go and get my results for my blood today. I hope it has some answers. I can't keep going on like this and not know what it is.

My husband is not coping with the stress of not knowing either. So it is quiet stressful here at present.

His grandmother on his mothers side made contact yesterday and although nice I told some home truths. I have nothing to lose. My husband cant have contact with any of them. I thought his nan woud be safe BUT he had a mini breakdown when I mentioned her name and become agrivated and stressed. He was happy that I told her the truth though about his mother and that I didn't hold back at my disgust and distress at being left to deal with this totally on my own.

We will see what happens but his mother will twist it again. I dont really care. Doesn't that feel nice to say. I ahve stopped wanting their approval in a twisted way and I am stepping forward saying go near my husband and I will rip you to shreds. (not literally) The ugly truth is his mother doesn't have the guts to contact or to turn up here as she would have to have heart for that.

But anyway heres to hoping I get my results today and this whole thing calms down.