Relationship How Do You Stay When You Feel So Tired And Alone?

[Tinyflame]

Just personally speaking though I would like to "get it over with ASAP", for me that would be positively devastating, one memory is more than I can take, all of them would be such flooding I can't even imagine it. Like the difference between dealing with a normal rainfall vs a cataclysmic Tsunami.

 

[hopelives]

Junebug I know that my attitude is insensitive about the memories. I suppose I was just thinking out loud. I dont think he could cope with them at all. But even a small memory that would release just the slightest bit of pressure on him would be nice.

He washed the dishes tonight.; YAY I was just stoked and really happy. He was overwhelmed by the end but he did it. He is wanted acceptance above all else from me. So I am giving him it. I am praising him for all the good he does. We will see what happens. I am seeing his therapist next Monday and seeing what he has to say. My husband also has an appointment with the therapist on Wednesday so I am interested to see what will happen. He is overwhelmingly tired after the sessions so I might have to drive him there and back we will see. I am letting him make the call on this. I have a bit of a thing of near smothering him with my help at times. But the last day I have stood back and I am interested in what he is doing.

 

[anni]

I can only speak as the half of the equation in a hellish marriage where I was given the hell. I'll try not to personalize my reaction too much thereby, but it is difficult, reading of his self absorbtion, manipulations and nastiness. It's much too familiar to the person I'm so indebted to for launching this PTSD boat in the first place. Or helping to, since I was obviously willing to marry him in the first place.

You have 5 children? All of them needing and deserving your best energies, not what's left over after your husband has tapped the well dry. You quite obviously do your best but noone is actually Superwoman. There's no balance here, nowhere for you to go for energy and regrouping and healing as is the case in a balanced relationship. I'm quite impressed, in point of fact, that you've held together so well with SO much responsibility, even if it doesn't feel like it. Kids can be wonderful, also. I know my youngest can make me enrgized in the midst of absolutely the worst day just by being HIM and doing something endearing or hysterical. They give back, without knowing it or trying. Your husband does not, nor return love like they do.

It's so personal, 'telling' someone about their marriage, you know? I can only say that you know your limits, your heart and your needs. Hopefully you know what you deserve, also, which is peace. PTSD never turned me into a selfish, hostile, petty and hurtful little toad. I may wear the crap out of my husband in a ton of ways, have zero geunine ego but can at least say that please do disallow yours this reason OR excuse for his excrable behaviour. Again, I'm awfully impressed with all your energy and willingness to work so hard. The children of course deserve it, at this point it seems he just doesn't.

I hope one of your children does something fall-down funny today, like they do, to give you some moments of joy.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear sickofit, I'm so sorry I didn't want to make you feel that way, that's insensitive of me!

I guess what I meant is the memories don't seem to release pressure but increase it (and negative behaviours), until they can be worked through.

You just take care of yourself!

-Hugs-

 

[lonetree]

I understand sickofit. There are times I want to take hold of this thing with both hands and throw it out of our lives for good. Thats when I know I should not be near my SO until I get a handle on myself.
I prayed for a quick fix but the more I understand the more I pray for patience.

 

[hopelives]

Dear sickofit, I'm so sorry I didn't want to make you feel that way, that's insensitive of me!

I guess what I meant is the memories don't seem to release pressure but increase it (and negative behaviours), until they can be worked through.

You just take care of yourself!

-Hugs-

Oh please no. Honestly your thoughts started my husband and I on an interesting talk about stuff. So please you were not insensitive at all.

 

[hopelives]

Well I have an appointment today with his therapist. I am just going to be honest. We will see what he has to say. I honestly am feeling but kind of just observing my husband a lot.

I dont feel as wound up about things. But just unsure of how to proceed is all really. He is very stessed and can't even tell me what about.

 

[hopelives]

Well I went today and I must say I was happy with the type of therapist he was. Down to earth VERY on the ball. He has actually told me that he believes my husband has complex PTSD and that it is a servere case. He has told me he is not keen to give my husband a diagnoisis yet and is still testing the waters with him.

He gave me some great coping skills and things that will help. Also we had a good talk about things my husband hadn't mentioned. Also I am not going to see the therapist again as my husband needs to be able to be open and relax. I am in all a lot more positive about things.

We will see what happens when he sees him on Wednesday but WOW it is encouraging to have someone actually picking up on things and seeing the situation.

 

[hopelives]

Also the reason that the antidepressants haven't helped is due to complex PTSD being very resistant to drugs. Also it explains his behavior on a lot of things. Although it doesn't change things the therapist has made me feel like Im not hated and that there is a reason he is so angry and stressed and pushing me away. Hopefully we can work through it all and finally get somewhere.

 

[anni]

Facts are terribly helpful, and it sounds like they are giving you comfort hence some energy to keep moving. It's an awfully smart thing to do-proactive as heck and he's terribly lucky to have you in his CPTSD corner. Do try to make sure you take time for yourself as you help him process life plus take care of 5 children. Even small time outs help, like a good laugh. In point of fact, thought of this thread this morning, since I'd mentioned hoping one of your children doing something fall-down funny. I'm more than tired and shredded at the moment, getting the 11 year old boy ready for school even, takes so much effort! Well, you must have boys, with 5-they're resistant to things like brushing their darn hair. So I do it, but this morning he grabbed the brush away and amazingly did it himself. I did ask why, and he told me when I did it, he felt like someone was cutting through a jungle on his head with a machete. From an 11 year old!! Laugh??? Wayyy too hard.

Anyway, do please make sure you're taking care of yourself, also, even in little ways.

 

[amethist]

Hi Sickofit

It can take a while for the right combination of drugs to be found and then work, if the right ones can be found.

If you both want it all to work out right for you it will, not going to be easy as you know, but it can and will get better in time, if you work together as much as possible.

Hang in there, but remember to be nice to yourself too. Try and do something just for you, not him or both of you, just you.

Amethist

 

[hopelives]

Amethist both the psychiatrist and therapist believe that drugs is simply not an option for my husband. As in actually fact they are more dangerous than good for him.

It helps just knowing at this point the disconnection is very normal and the anger stress is also normal and that they can be worked through. Also just finding out that PTSD was not a complete diagnoisis but it being complex PTSD has helped a lot as the info on complex PTSD actually matches what my husband does and says.

Ah it is nice to just feel that i can do something and move froward.