Relationship How Do You Stay When You Feel So Tired And Alone?

[amethist]

You still need to do things just for YOU sickofit. This is vital for your own mental health, if you don't look after your own stuff you will fall down.

Carers cannot run on empty, we have to take a break somehow, not just from being with them, but also worrying about them too. You cannot put all your energies onto looking after them 24/7, it cannot be done. Some carers do say "But how can I leave them", been there, done that, until I took advice form carers on here who had been there before me. You have to do your own thing, or 1. They become reliant on your for everything, and 2, You end up doing more for then than you should. I am not saying this is what you do, but many carers do live like this when PTSD first hits.

It is hard at first just to have time out, but it is good for them too. If they can see you feeling less stressed, it does reflect back on them, as well as giving that well earned space. It also gives you another outlet too, especially if it not connected to PTSD.

Take care, sickofit.

Amethist

 

[hopelives]

Amethist I have joined the gym and I go to social bowling once a week. Also I am going to see a therapist more regularly.

I am also not taking the responsibility that I use to.

My husband last night went through my history on the computer. I dont know why trust issues again I would say. But anyway he found that I had done a search on complex PTSD and he read up on it. He was all excited when I came home from bowling and was almost elated and he said OH I found your search on complex PTSD is that what you think I have.

Now I said, Babe I dont know but remember that I am not your therapist and that is for him to discuss with you. Anyway he went on to tell me that he had found peoples storys about CPTSD and he said that is ME. He was almost jumping up and down with excitement that others had what he did. I felt accepted. I gave him a big hug and said hey go to the therapist tomorrow and see what he says.

My husband said that he was so happy that I cared enough to research his condition.

Now at least I know the therapist believes in CPTSD so that is a win. I just hope that my husband is able to stick to the treatment.

His appointment is today. He told me last night he didn't really want to go as he gets anxious about going. But he said to me he was happy to drive himself and that he wants to do this on his own.

So progress is coming.

 

[hopelives]

Well he went well today and totally got the diagnoisis of complex PTSD. He was very happy with that. The receptionist stuffed up some paperwork but I could fix that my end so it all smoothed out well in the end.

So he has an appointment next week. It is nice to know that although there is a long road ahead we are on a journey not stopping and doing nothing.

 

[amethist]

Hi sickofit

Great to hear all the positives that are now appearing. Still a very long way to go, but at least now you both know which way you are heading. Hopefully together every step of the way, no matter how hard it gets.

There will still be some really tough times to get through, especially once he start therapy big time. But you now know he is doing what he needs to do for himself and for you both.

Hang in there, it can and will get better.

Amethist

 

[anni]

I'm watching your thread with an awful lot of respect. It rearranges the picture somewhat to know he is grateful for you. That means so incredibly much. It also changes the lighting on the scene to reveal perhaps two people working on the relationship together, whereas before sounded like the load was mostly on you.

I do hope you continue to DO for yourself, the reasons for which Amethist wrote so well of.

 

[hopelives]

Im just so happy today. The happiest I have been in 5 yrs. Just feel like finally someone is believing that he is so sick and that there is help. Also feels nice that I dont have to have the stress on his doing the therapy his therapist is on the ball with all that and is encouraging him totally. :)

Taking a step back and letting the chips fall where they may is SO totally important. He is still distant but he is seeing what is happening and is trying to encouage me. Yesterday he even told me that he wanted to stop and buy me flowers. Now he didn't do it. But the thought sure did count. He also many times started to get close last night. But would disconnect and get a tad irritated when we did. But he kept comming back and saying nice things. It was like feeling emotions toward me was stressful for him. But I didn't take offense I just was looking at it as this is progress.

Last night he also came to bed and slept from 1am to about 10.30am. He slept longer than usually but that happen last week after the therapy. He got slightly distressed that he has slept so long but I just encouraged him that it is alright. When he got up he was concerned that he hadn't told me he cared his morning. And gave me a hug. UMMMM he hasn't done that in years. Also he laughed and talked to the kids this morning and totally engaged with them for about 15minutes. After that he was tired and a bit overwhemed.

He went and is now playing on the computer but will come up in a couple of hours he has said.

So all in all. Things have changed for the better although they are small things. I am taking each small step he takes as a huge step. There are things that will hopefully change but all in all I am HAPPY.

Amazing when you change your views and mind and stop living your life around the ill person. :)

 

[Jawn]

This is very encouraging news! Hang in there and focus on all the positive things happening.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Well today started out VERY shaky. He was awoken by the kids being kids and he didn't cope well with it. He was really angry and agro. I said how about earplugs and he raised his fists in frustration ( he was not threatening me to hit me) and SCREAMED. To be honest it really scared me and I just sat and said nothing but I did start to cry because it really frightened me. He very quickly said Im sorry. I had a lot of bad dreams and I was really stressed out when I got woken up. And than he came up with a solution for it. He repeatedly said he was sorry and wanted to hug me.

He has been skittish all day not handling any noise or interruptions. But he did cook me lunch and talked to the kids for a bit but was very quickly overwhelmed.

I have felt a bit overwhelmed today by it all. But I am keeping my mind focused on the future. And trying to enjoy the present. I'm very tired today as my 2yr old is teething so is very testy at present.

Also I have had to do a lot of home repairs today and have had to have our toilet replaced. All of which I organized without tell him as he stresses. He said thanks for doing that. Im sorry I couldn't help you. So at least he is appreciative of what I am doing. :)

 

[Jawn]

As difficult as it is for you, there are a lot of positive signs. He is recognizing when he reacts negatively and is stopping himself and apologizing. That is a huge step forward for him. Keep your chin up because what you describe is a man with a problem, but one that has realized it and is doing his best to make changes. It will happen slowly.....baby steps. Now is the time to have the patience of a saint and the hide of a rhino (for the bad times). And you can always come here for support or to vent.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

I have really found it so nice to be able to come here and vent. Before I felt so alone. And Thanks Jawn it is hard to see the positive sometimes.

 

[Jawn]

Yeah I know about that sickofit. Been struggling a bit myself lately to see the positives, but they are there if I try hard enough. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too. It's easy to lose track of yourself while worrying about them and that is not healthy for you. Been there and done that myself.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

well this morning I got a little down about his selfishness. To be honest he is just not seeing what he is doing and his therapist said that this is normal and that soon it will change with therapy. BUT serioiusly it does my head in a lot.

I have taken time out for myself in front of TV while kids are playing and it is helping me to relax. But yeah I do wish this was over.