Relationship How Do You Stay When You Feel So Tired And Alone?

[Tinyflame]

Dear sickofit,

I think I know what you mean but I'm guessing that your husband might equate (the word or comment) 'change' to zero ptsd/ 100% healing. That is not likely to ever happen, and if that becomes his (unrealistic) standard he will become very discouraged and likely to deteriorate. It is very much a 'progression' of 2 steps forward, 1 back, etc.

Hopefully instead you will be able to find positive things day-by-day and reasons to have founded-hope that things will improve, and a really strong support system for you both. Things/ 'we' won't ever be the same, because ptsd involves too much grief, but perhaps your relationship can ultimately become even better than before.

Best wishes to you both.

 

[hopelives]

You are so right Junebug. I think we are unrealistic and always have been. As when he had just depression we were told that within 3yrs he would be back on track. But complex PTSD changes things I suppose. I really hope we can make more progress.

 

[Jawn]

You will sickofit, but it's a long slow road with a lot of potholes in it. And remember, there will be 2 steps forward and 1 step back in the process, but slowly you will get there.

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear sickofit, I think will find more progress now, with a more accurate diagnosis. It has been my personal experience that the depression associated with ptsd can be very different from major depression, as a whole on it's own. I know for myself in trying to 'manage'/ fix myself over the last 28 years, I tried every cognitive technique that existed for depression but ultimately not only did none of them work but they never seemed to "fit", it was quite 'inexplicable' because it had (some) characteristics of depression, but that wasn't really the case. It had more to do with triggers and the rest, and this 'depression' more unique to ptsd, but I just thought it was "me".

Hang in there and do things if you are able in which you can relax/ treat yourself kindly. Give it time.

 

[hopelives]

WOW junebug I am crying because you honestly have explained the last 8yrs of our lives. You are such a brave woman.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear sickofit, thank you but oh no- I'm not brave at all. Just learned the hard way. I really truly believe you are going to have great improvement, now that you both know accurately what you're dealing with, and therefore will learn what to do about it, and it will also become easier in time. I found that there was no hope (or solution) to be found when things don't apply, but much more of concrete, practical applications that bring relief, when it does.

I think you are very brave! And loving. You've stuck with your husband all these years, and with all the grief and frustration and when your hopes were dashed. Even this diagnosis is bound to throw anyone for a loop- give yourself credit you must be a Very Very Special Person indeed and your husband an extremely lucky man.

 

[hopelives]

Thanks Junebug.

Well right now I feel very overwhelmed my house needs major work and I am going to have to do it all as he is not doing anything other than stay in his room and play on the computer. So I am trying to get everything cleaned and sorted.

Ah it is so hard to yell at him to get off his bum and do something. Im cranky.

 

[hopelives]

My biggest thing is the therapist said I shouldnt put any pressure on him as of yet to do anything. I mean he did go for a walk this morning so I should be happy about that and he did spend time last night playing in the bath with the two year old. I dont know. There is just so much to do and I am going to have to stop waiting for him and jsut do it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Most people would want to kill him sickofit, so short of that you're doing really well.

Maybe you can break it down into small parts, and I am hoping as he sees you work it will motivate him to join in.

-Best wishes and try not to over-do it.

 

[hopelives]

Ah at least I have tennis this afternoon. I hope he can care for the kids for the 2hours I am gone. He should be right. Lets hope.

 

[hopelives]

Ok well the kids dont want to left with him on their own during the day. They have begged me not to go to tennis again. I didn't have the best time at tennis. When I came home my husband was rude and angry at me. But he was appologetic 1 hour later. Very exhausting. Im tired of it and really want things to improve.

 

[hopelives]

Well tonight I am finding things way too hard. I needed a shoulder to cry on and he just can't cope with any emotion so he distances himself. He really kept saying I love you so much and I am just feeling like WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY FEELINGS. Where do I fit in? do I deserve to have my feelings met and needs met? I know the answer is yes and that he is trying his best. Well tonight it is not good enough and I just feel hurt tired and pissed right off.