....Wishing I hadn't added the last 2 paragraphs above....I know how it makes me sound/look.
Not at all, Jadebear. Actually, I think it is fascinating. My theory on your leg pain is just that, but I have had similar "delays" in the body/brain processing. Here goes with my personal theory, and you can tell me if I'm off the track.
When a child is abused over time in any way, the child learns to "leave the body" a little. This is called Dissociation. It is difficult to teach an adult how to completely or even partially Dissociate. But children, as Anthony stated above, have a different brain set up that is more resiliant, and Dissociation is something they are very good at. Once learned, Dissociation is not unlearned until the adult choses to retrain and find other coping mechanisms that work better for adulthood. Sometimes, Dissociation seems the best way for the brain to deal with trauma, pain, emotions, and even basic physical stimulii.
So, for example, your leg getting hurt in the early morning was a physical trauma on some level, even if you don't think it's emotional enough to invoke the Dissociative response, your body and brain said "Okay, the nerves are acting up. Some physical injury has occured that she's not wanting to feel and process right now because _she has to go to work_. So let's do that Dissociative thing and not let her feel the pain of the injury until later, when she has time to deal with it. Boom, you suddenly feel the pain of the injury and the memory of having the injury at all on your break, when your brain says good vibes from the ciggie are on the way to help cope with life and this injury, so your brain let's you have it all then.
I actually think you have made a very good point here, Jadebear. Before I even knew about my abuse, I have known for years that I do this all the time.
When I am busy at work, I don't feel hunger, thirst, or even the pain from my headache or backache. NO, it all hits me when the adrenaline of work stops, and I'm in my car on the way home. By the time I reach home, I feel like a wreck.
I have had to learn to "check in" with my body and not forget I have one, while I do mental work. Frequent check ins keeps me from doing what you did with your leg. Some call it "high pain tolerance" but it's really the brain's skill at Dissociating from whatever is keeping the mind from moving forward in life after traumas (until the body gives out). When I don't do the check-ins, I can exhaust myself easily and start to feel dizzy and faint a lot from working too hard without giving myself food and water. I just work, work, work until I am practically passing out from physical overload. My T. and I call it SuperWoman Mode. :cool: It feels cool at the time to be able to take on the world without self care, but after a while, I crash down hard.
Your original question was about how the mind holds onto stuff and then dumps it later, and "why NOW?" Well, I think your brining up the leg issue is an attempt to work that own for yourself. You're seeing a pattern in your system: you experience minor traumas, and the memory/pain is delayed and hits you later that day at work when you finally allow yourself to "rest, take a break."
My Shrink from 14 years ago said people will remember if and when they are strong enough to handle it.
Muse
