How Does Memory Work?

[Nyx]

I really don't think I could handle it if It was true. So since this is associated with her, I don't want to remember.

I understand. Let it be for a while, don't think about it anymore, maybe your brain will just tell you what to do. I know it's not easy to just let go, but what else is left?

I'm sorry I can't be of help here...

 

[jadebear]

eventually, there will be no more memories to deal with.

That's exactly what my T. says.....but it just seems/feels never ending.

don't think about it anymore.

That's the problem....I don't want to think about it, it just pops in my head....and then the pain comes. I think the more I try to not think about it, the more I do.

I guess maybe I will just bring it up 2morrow during my session and go from there.

 

[anthony]

What do you do with a partial memory that you've had pretty much your entire life? One that you can't let go of or forget about, yet one that you try so hard to not think about?

You acknowledge it, you document it, you accept it as it is, for what it is, a partial memory that you "currently" and may "never" regain, though possibly "may" regain more in the future if it exists.

The more you think about trying to dismiss or forget it, the more you actually think about it. So #1, stop trying to dismiss it is the starting point.

What is the pain and where do you feel it when the memory comes up?

 

[jadebear]

I told my T about the partial memory today...and that was it, we didn't discuss it or anything.

Now it doesn't seem like such a forbidden(?) thought, if that makes sense. Like now that I said it out loud, I don't feel like I'm not supposed to think about it(?)

What is the pain and where do you feel it

It's just a stabbing, cutting, ripping(?) pain. And I feel it in the anal area.

 

[anthony]

In other words, your somatic pain combined with memory snippet is telling you that your body and brain is saying something happened to you with anal rape that you don't remember.

I think what you have done above is an excellent move on your part, well done. Like you said, its not a secret now, and you know what secrets do!!! Well done.

I would leave it at that though, being your assumed conclusions, which are accurate if that is what you feel... but without the rest, that is all you have to deal with... assumptions based on somatic pain. Your brain may be testing you to see how well or not you deal with this, or this may be all your brain has, the memory of feeling which is now is feeding you via somatic pain.

I wouldn't expect anything else to be released, though if it does, then its a bonus for you that allows you to hopefully put more pieces together in your mind.

Either way... you have dealt with what you have correctly now... its out and you just need to accept that until more is shown, if released, then you just have to go about your life as usual... but without another secret. Well done.

 

[Becca]

Hi!
Great question! Most of my childhood I still cannot remember except for the abuse and a very few other memories. My memories of the rapes and abuse didn't come back to me for more than 10 years. I had a few triggers that caused them to come rushing back.

I still have memories creeping back. I am not sure if/when it will stop. For me, it is easier to deal with if the emotion comes with the memory because I can work through it. I have to deal with every memory as it comes, I am not sure if others do as well. I prefer to deal with it instead of surpressing it because I hope it will bring back some of my good memories too.

Please be kind to yourself and take care!
Best Wishes,
Becca

 

[jadebear]

For the first few days after I told my T. about the partial memory, I really had alot of pain. But now, when I get the memory, the pain is less. And....I haven't been having the memory as often as I did before. So telling him must have been the right thing to do.

 

[Nyx]

Telling IS the right thing to do. It doesn't matter who you choose to tell, what matters is you tell.

 

[Danielle_Beare]

Any type of memory remembered outside of therapy, you could just about cite as accurate. Any memory remembered within therapy, or pieced together within therapy, you could just about cite as inaccurate, because the memory was led towards a topic, you didn't just remember.
Its like saying, was there a pink elephant that you saw? Just asking that question, your brain now has gone searching for pink elephant and even pictured it. This is the most basic explanation for leading questions in therapy that can induce false memories.
If you walked into your therapists office, told them what you remember, then they began exploring specifics of a memory, lets say... you told them you were in the basement, you remember 3 boys, only one of their faces, two names, a distinguishing mark and that you were naked and so where they. That's it... that is all your brain actually remembers, without being deceptive and secretive, your brain physically only remembers that specific detail.
Now, the therapist asks... did the boys touch you? That question immediately led your brain to abuse, and to an assumption that you were all naked, so you answer yes, even though you have no actual physical memory of them touching you, the therapist just led you to say they did.
The therapist should have asked a non-leading question, such as... what happened next, or , do you remember anything else about that event... the list is long where the therapist could ask questions that do not imply a thing or lead you towards an answer. I the therapist leads you, then that is memory implantation, because you didn't have the memory, the therapist asked you if something happened, which you cannot remember, but answered yes... so now the leading questions continue and you build a completely false scenario based on assumption. Therapist do this because their idiots... they want to make the client think they are worth the money, they want to make themselves feel good that they helped you remember, they think their helping you to have a story of an event.
All false memories.
Now... if the therapist was any good, they would simply poke you with specific non-leading questions to get your brain thinking, to provoke it into reviewing the past event. When you leave therapy, then suddenly you begin having memories, snippets, of events that occurred around the previous snippets you had. These would be real memories, because at no stage did the therapist lead or implant thoughts into your head, they merely poked at the right places with non-leading questions to invoke your brain into thinking about a specific time. If the memories are there, your brain will flash them to you over the course of days / weeks, which you will then continue to raise in therapy and possibly building a more complete picture of the event, yet you will not EVER remember every detail like a running movie.
These are all absolute NO-NO's in every type of therapeutic training, yet individuals think they know better, or simply don't even think that something they said is leading... yet it is, and instead got lost in themselves trying to help, but actually are doing more damage than good.

I have never had a fallible memory until recently. My abuser and I met on a different day than I remembered. I think it's because he kept saying one day consistently. I recently found the ticket stub from the concert we met at and it's about a week later than I remembered. I gave my statement to the authorities , but now I'm worried that I will be discredited, and it's continuing to make me question myself. I have found a therapist who is letting me just "go" and talk about everything that I went through the ups and downs, and not just about my abuser but my severely dysfunctional (not to mention mentally abusive) family as well. He did say one thing that upset me which was "all families are dysfunctional" I am pretty sure he meant - to an extent in the eyes of society, but all the same it doesn't make it right. I really like this therapist because he is really listening to what I have to say and how I felt about everything that happened. He never interjects with leading questions, he responds like a good friend would; that sounds like it was horrible, and he is seemingly not judgmental in any way. When he let me just "go" and talk, I got a lot out and finally got around to talking about the abuse, which is what I have been trying to do but no one else wants to talk about it or hear about it. It makes it very hard for me to not talk about it, I want to get it out, it helps me realize that it was real and it helps me put the pieces together of the puzzle he created in my head.

<Edit by Nyx>

 

[anthony]

So telling him must have been the right thing to do.

You're learning well JB... keep up the great work please.

 

[krystina]

Telling IS the right thing to do. It doesn't matter who you choose to tell, what matters is you tell.

It does matter who you tell, what if the person you told went around and told everyone in the school that you were sexually abused? This happened to me and I would only tell someone you really trust, like a therapist because they understand. I understand you Nyx, but I don't agree, because so many things could occur that could make your situation worse.

 

[krystina]

Hi!
Great question! Most of my childhood I still cannot remember except for the abuse and a very few other memories. My memories of the rapes and abuse didn't come back to me for more than 10 years. I had a few triggers that caused them to come rushing back.

I still have memories creeping back. I am not sure if/when it will stop. For me, it is easier to deal with if the emotion comes with the memory because I can work through it. I have to deal with every memory as it comes, I am not sure if others do as well. I prefer to deal with it instead of surpressing it because I hope it will bring back some of my good memories too.

Please be kind to yourself and take care!
Best Wishes,
Becca

I agree, every time a memory would come up I would feel sad or angry and every time I would call up my T and she would make time for me to get it out and to deal with it.