How does your t “fix” betrayal?

[Deleted member 37474]

Walked into therapy today and my T basically told me everything that I had been thinking about all week. (A bit amazed at her ability to read my mind through-out an entire week! :O_o:)

So we are on the same page and next week will be tackling betrayal via emdr to a time/place that I really do not want to go. I don’t even know if it really happened. Flashes from one night in childhood at a sleepover. I prefer to think of them as symbolic false memories. She says that people do emdr on dreams which we know aren’t real and there is still benefits to doing so. So, agreed. She feels that this is why I am blocked in what I consider my real trauma, and everything keeps coming back to this “memory.”

What are your experiences in dealing with, fixing the betrayal feelings in therapy? What techniques did your T use? Did you get better at not expecting it to happen with everyone in your life?

 

[shimmerz]

I've learned along the way that it really isn't about whether my memory is correct or not but rather that it keeps coming up. I like the idea of EMDR (I use EFT myself) to reduce the emotional charge of the memory. That really changes everything. So the issue of it being a betrayal is still there for me if I were to attempt to correct it, but the emotions, after treatment, aren't overwhelming or confusing. I have been able to file it away in this brain of mine as simply that.... a betrayal, and perhaps even be able to assign anger to it so I can release it altogether.

Sounds like you have a great T! It seems to me that she will direct it for you in such a way that you can leave that particular memory behind you and that is never a bad thing! Best of luck to you @TexCat .

 

[deeplyloved]

I think by being consistently trustworthy and reliable themselves, right? Sometimes the old wounds simply (ha!) have to be named and felt and witnessed. For worry about future betrayals, my therapist reminds me of the skills and capacities I now have to take care of myself—no matter what anyone else does.

 

[Friday]

I would suspect that since the effects of betrayal are so widely varied, that it would very much depend on what those effects are. Ditto, that one of the steps would be to identify those effects on you, personally.

Not all of those effects will be “bad”, or perhaps better said, unwanted.

As an example, I am fiercely loyal. Which is very much an effect of betrayal. Not a bad thing in and of itself, although it does come with its own difficulties, some of which are bad/unwanted. I have to be extremely careful to whom I give my loyalty to. Because I’m very on/off about it. Once you’ve got it? You’ve got it. I will have your back through almost anything. Including things that I don’t want to be a part of, and am morally opposed to. I also expect/demand the same in return... in most cases. Not all. (Kids are a great example of exceptions to the rule. I can be fiercely loyal to them, and expect no loyalty in return. It’s a one way flow, there. Because I’m responsible for them, not the other way around, and not equal partnership). <<< Which also makes me extremely leeeeery of forming connections with people. Connection in and of itself does not denote loyalty, but it’s edging near that territory. To say I’m gun shy about that? Is a huge understatement.

The whole thing actually gets fairly complicated (it’s extemely simple in my head/heart, as natural as breathing... which is a tell, by the by. The more simple something feels, generally the more complicated the effect).

And that’s just one aspect of how betrayal has affected me. I could probably go on for several pages outlining the ins & outs, cause & effect, that it has on my life and in my relationships.

Just one aspect.