Other How many of us have agoraphobia?

[Grama-Herc]

Kathy

The final straw that caused my complete breakdown in 97 was over the issue of my work attendance. I went from missing 6 days of work a year to missing 60 days. So I know how Evie feels.

I do however, have another quirk to this issue of driving. Do any of you "Have to take your car?" I can not go anyplace--LOL--in someone else's car. I have to have my car with me. If it is not there, I feel trapped. Is this a case of fear or control?

 

[AmazonBelle]

This thread is hitting home with me, too. When my ptsd flares up the worst, I won't even answer the phone. My husband does the shopping. I stop going anywhere, except to therapy. I always go to therapy. When my ptsd is at it's worse, I just drive straight there and straight home.

I start back to college next week after being home for 4 years. I am taking one course that meets 2 days a week, and one online course. I hope that I will be able to handle this. My inability to work as a nurse has ruined our finances and I really need to get back to work (which means get some new training) if I can.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I have to admit from the ag side I am really surprised so many find comfort in a car. I am stuck to a ceiling in it. I cannot cope with other's driving as I cannot control it or accept they do it right, and I can't well cope my own as much as used to, I can see the decline. I never know if someone is drunk, going to stay in their lane, brake lights work, use a signal, see my brake lights, will mine go out... OK, you see how it goes. I fruit loop in cars too.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Belle

Sometime ago we discussed the fact that there was an rather large group of medical people here--nurses & emt's. I was a ward clerk in an 11 bed open sicu ward. I wish you all the strength and courage you need to be successful on your new journey. Keep us posted on how it is going.

Without being personal, was your issue car related? Just wondering since your reaction to driving is so strong. You did however, hit a nerve with me about my driving. I seem to be declining a little myself. Mine is probably just age, but since we are all easily distracted that could also be a possiblitity.

 

[pandora]

There are times when my symptoms seem to take over and leaving the house just to get groceries is awful....it seems to have lessened a little.....when I feel well, I push myself to go out at least every other day. I wish it was summer all year round...that seems to make it easier...not sure why. I hate seeing poeple...I never want to see people I know as well. I fear others to a certain extent. The car...if I am driving...I am ok...someone else driving...I am jumping out of my skin...apologize for doing it...much easier when I am the one in control of the vehicle.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I wasn't sure to which this question was aimed... But I will answer anyway as I feel nowhere near the shame I used to and do openly share it :) Will admit it gets to me, but much better about it.

My traumas before I was finally hospitalized with PTSD symptoms was in no way vehicular. I was kidnapped and raped, and abused/phy and sex. But the same night of my first hospitalization I was being driven from hospital to pharmacy for first round of drugs (I think still a year or more before PTSD diagnosis). We came upon an accident as it happened. Stalled car on side of road with twin infants and toddler. Drunk driver swerved and killed the children. The part that ****ed me up even more than the toddler ashen was knowing CPR but I was still flipping out as hospital did not get my symptoms under control, I fled. Later read toddler was briefly resuscitated. If I had stuck around I may have been able to relieve person I saw doing CPR and saved the lil one on the trunk of a car. All three babies died. I fight not to feel as at fault as the drunk was. We did get 911 call out.

My driving fears are greater I guess since then as I still used to drive the country roads but I have an especially hard time with them now. Response time is bad on them as well, in middle of no where. And add in not traveled highly so who knows when someone will see an accident. Just so much negligence on the roads.

Tonight as per my once a week out resolution the lights played tricks on my eyes as one car went around another and my depth perception was way off. Hands went up in my face as I yelled and tried to use the "passenger side brakes". As mentioned else where about PMS mine is kicking up so I am seeing "spiders" drop from ceilings not there and jumping and flinging around and in a car is bad unless the driver knows to not jump because I do. Hubs said he knew the routine and said I looked bad tonight and swore I would be up till 4 AM, of course I said screw you... But here it is 3 53... Hate it when he is right but glad he knows my personal PTSD inside out.

Sorry for the ramble, guess it has been a while to just talk about my stuff.

 

[Grama-Herc]

It helps to talk about your "stuff". That's how we heal.

You have been so busy watching us and tryhing to help us that you forgot to take care of yourself. Not good!

But now, you can concentrate on how you are doing and how you feel and What is best for you. The main reason I asked if your trauma was care related---you seem to have trouble with even being in a car.

My heart goes out to you over what you saw. Having worked in emergency rooms and intensive care units for years, I understand the effect of what you saw. It is a very difficult thing to witness. Even the biggest, strongest and nastiest of ER personel are taken to their knees when an injured child comes into the ER.

So, talk about your "stuff" any time you want to Your buddy Herc

 

[Deleted member 93]

Thanks herc. I think I will start a new diary to get back to issues on myself actually. It is time to get back to work.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I WAS writing in a journal in my new computer. Got it as a gift Last year but being my 1st computer I am just now getting able to use it with some ease!

I emphasized the word was because I seemed to have hit the wrong button and thought I had emailed the thing to my brother-in-law. It was one of those journals where you tell yourself what an idiot your sister is, what you think of your neighbor and lovely personal stuff like that.

I even thought I had mistakenly sent it to one of the forum members. Well STRESS was the least of my problems. I almost had a heart attack over this. I went into a crying, weeping panic attack. This was the king of all attacks. I start sending emails to people begging them to simply delete anything from me sent over the last 4-6 hours and PLEASE do not read it. Had to break down and tell them what I had done and beg them to respect my privacy.

So, a word to the wise---Use pen and ink! Fearing that someone was actually reading your inner most thoughts is a killer! I would not wish that on anyone! So remember

Pen and Ink LOL HERC

 

[Deleted member 93]

LMAO, OK, not funny but still... I sent out group mailings for xmas wishes. I sent one to my ex sadist as he was in the group list. Did I get responses from family??? You can imagine who was pleased and responded so. Yeah, I get that panic. HE was tickled to get it!! UGH.

 

[baileysemt]

I have recently had the urge to just get in the car and drive. No special destination, just drive, and drive and drive!

I have always had that desire, ever since I got my license, I didn't need no stinkin' PTSD to feel that way :thumbs-up LOL!!!

Actually I process things mentally when I drive. It is some serious mental chewing time. Have always been that way. Driving has always been outstanding therapy for me. :smile:

I would love to drive to Key West. Not smart. IF I got down there I probably would want to stay. No plan, no money, nothing!
See poor decision making skills.

See now this is where we differ, a little. I too would like to drive to Key West ... actually, for me it's South Carolina, to visit a dear friend who's stuck with me throughout the past 3 years, bless her heart.

The trouble is, I would never get there. I have had to learn the hard way, I have a limit to how long I can be away from home before I melt down. Oh, I want to drive to SC -- desperately!! -- but I would never make it 800 miles. I can handle 90 miles/10 hours away from home right now (on a shopping trip where I set the itinerary -- I live out in the boonies). And happily, that is up from 12 miles in the dark only, just eighteen months ago :thumbs-up so see, improvement is happening ...

I am quite confident that I would get to SC and not want to leave. I have seriously considered moving to NC/SC over the past 2 years. I don't know how much of it was just my life sucking (I had the brainstorm to do this long before my trauma) or if it really is the direction I want to go. Finances are holding me back currently, so it doesn't matter.

It is so interesting how we have these feelings in common. :) I hope my slowly increasing mileages are inspirational for you :) keep the faith Herc!!!!

Bailey

 

[baileysemt]

When I take my dog to the groomers sometimes she tries to have a conversation with me and I freeze up. All I can think about is getting the f--k out of there and back home to the safety of mommy and daddy where I can hide away from the rest of the world.

Morgan, I am so there, too.

I have always been good at putting on a good small-talk conversation, it's like a "recording" of sorts that just clicks "on" when that situation presents itself (like bumping into someone I know @ the grocery store).

BUT !! put me in any other sort of social situation, and I feel exactly the way you do. 100% spot on.

I have finally resigned myself to "that's the way I am right now." I have observed myself improve slowly over time without my doing anything special -- no specific ritual, no specific pill, nothing I can put my finger on. I want to get better, and I try to work on my symptoms as best I can, when I am able. But that's all I do. And slowly things are coming back... a teeny tiny bit at a time.

I actually put the groceries away yesterday, which was a function of house cleaning!! First time I have felt compelled to do that, in a positive/normal way, in two years.

:eek:


So I am thinking, if putting away the groceries just spontaneously returned, then so will social strength and confidence.

If being okay with being looked at by absent-minded strangers in the grocery store returned, then so will social strength and confidence.

If remembering how to do my job spontaneously returned (not the energy, LOL, but at least I remember how again), then so will the social skills.

It has to. (Because I have nothing else to cling to or believe, quite frankly)



I'm sorry I don't have a magic answer for you, Morgan -- if I did, I'd have used it myself already!!! LOL

Bailey