Tornadic Thoughts
MyPTSD Pro
As Pink Floyd would say..."...Tongue tied and twisted, just an Earthbound misfit, I."
I've long since painfully learned that "belonging" to external things, as I'd been taught to strive for, is the wrong goal to aim for if I wish to sincerely enjoy the time I have in this existence.
Belonging to self first is where I feel I, and many others, really got tripped up along the way.
Self tends to be the least comfortable place to hang out, that space in our own mind, the place that issues out such hateful self-talk, the place that what ifs everything to death, that judges each move so harshly, that reminds us so often how others didn't/don't value our being or our life, etc....a lot of scary shit goes down in there sometimes, ay?
Now that I feel I'm able to more thoroughly innerstand and relate to (sit with) my own damn self, based on facts this time vs. other peoples' perceptions, I'm much more comfortable being the square cog that will never fit nicely into the round hole known as society, as my truth doesn't seem to fit comfortably anywhere anyway.
Some days it can be frustrating, some days it simply hurts my feelings, other days it can be absolutely infuriating, while other days it can be the most entertaining spirit lifting thing that happens, but no matter how emotional I get about any of it, it doesn't change the outside circumstances or the behaviors of another.
I only have total control over my own inner circumstances...ever...and I still work hard each day continually learning how to most healthily recognize, utilize, and manage all of that control.
I no longer have a burning desire to feel as if I belong to the twisted actions that go down nowadays and are considered to be normal, at all. Many of the things labeled as "normal" are some of the most sickening things taking place.
I've long since painfully learned that "belonging" to external things, as I'd been taught to strive for, is the wrong goal to aim for if I wish to sincerely enjoy the time I have in this existence.
Belonging to self first is where I feel I, and many others, really got tripped up along the way.
Self tends to be the least comfortable place to hang out, that space in our own mind, the place that issues out such hateful self-talk, the place that what ifs everything to death, that judges each move so harshly, that reminds us so often how others didn't/don't value our being or our life, etc....a lot of scary shit goes down in there sometimes, ay?
Now that I feel I'm able to more thoroughly innerstand and relate to (sit with) my own damn self, based on facts this time vs. other peoples' perceptions, I'm much more comfortable being the square cog that will never fit nicely into the round hole known as society, as my truth doesn't seem to fit comfortably anywhere anyway.
Some days it can be frustrating, some days it simply hurts my feelings, other days it can be absolutely infuriating, while other days it can be the most entertaining spirit lifting thing that happens, but no matter how emotional I get about any of it, it doesn't change the outside circumstances or the behaviors of another.
I only have total control over my own inner circumstances...ever...and I still work hard each day continually learning how to most healthily recognize, utilize, and manage all of that control.
I no longer have a burning desire to feel as if I belong to the twisted actions that go down nowadays and are considered to be normal, at all. Many of the things labeled as "normal" are some of the most sickening things taking place.