How Many People Say This Is Why I Am The Way I Am.

[mamachick]

Nothing to add but wanted to say that this was a great thread and reading each post gave me so much thought...thank you

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@RavenGirl lol thanks. Much appreciation. I was also told to toughen up but it did not work on me. I was so messed up.

@brat17 You are welcome and thank you.

@Zoogal thank you.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Great thread. Thanks @gizmo it's good to know or feel validated for keeping things to myself. I tried a couple of times at the beginning to explain myself, but learned in a hurry to keep things inside.

I have one mother figure who knows everything and my therapist. I need for them to "get it" but other than that, no one even knows I'm in therapy for anything. I've learned a lot and now I'm a new me. You know... the new me is actually better than the old me. Once all is said and done, I hope I'll have more insight and strength of character. Right now...a work in progress. Good progress.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @stp2012 I do not do this anymore. I am closed with people and I rarely discuss what I have been dealing with. I have a friend who has no idea what I experienced in my home with my abuser parents. I have learned how to pick and choose what I will talk about.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am really blown away by how messed up I was. It has taken me years to get to the place I am now in my life.

 

[Recovery4Me]

It is a great thread- giz! (((hugs))) However, I do not feel the point of becoming better in our journey is to become our own harsher critic on how we coped previously. Just a gentle thought with respect to you putting your own self down. **Where is the shaking finger saying 'no-no' emoticon?

Insofar as myself, I have done both within life...over-explained and became a graveling, apologetic idiot (where no apology was really necessary for being a victim ) and then the flip-side as Stonewall Jackson defiant arsh with a get-over-it attitude towards the recipient. Extremes rarely work but this is what I think now~

Did I do the best that I could do with the coping skills that were available to me? Most often the answer is an resounding,"H3ll yes ! " or at least an sarcastic muse sputtered over the term- coping skills.:facepalm: Yeah, getting drunk does not solve the problem:sneaky:.:clown:

So whether or not we met our own expectations of radiant mental health or crawled to the finish line among our symptoms, considering that many of us have/had suicide ideation, substance abuse concerns, ect... I think being here, alive and with reflection of what we may want to change during or for the Holidays ... is a darn good start to a better way of healing our broken pieces!

A toast to you gizmo and the lovely woman you are in the moment! Congrats for being you.:hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

However, I do not feel the point of becoming better in our journey is to become our own harsher critic on how we coped previously. Just a gentle thought with respect to you putting your own self down. **Where is the shaking finger saying 'no-no' emoticon?

Thank you @Recovery4Me for saying this. I will pay more attention to what I am telling myself from now on.

You are right of course. Also thank you for sharing, perhaps I am more normal than I give myself credit for. I will be thinking about what you said and reframe towards myself.:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have you said this and why?

YES! Not anymore but before I joined this site and when I had joined as well for the first few months of being here, I wanted SOOOO badly for people to just understand. I would re-explain everything over and over and over again.

Did it in the real world too.

Thankfully JL helped me with it for the site and DBT seemed to have helped a lot. I am not sure what the actual "fix" was for this. Seeing that people don't need to 100% understand everything for me to feel ok but it did go away over time. I think just simply conversing on here over a long period of time helped a ton.

I automatically mimic people. It is how I learned to be out on the world and function. So I see what everyone else is doing and do that. It took a while for me to figure that out on here.

Anyway, not sure if that was even how this was fixed. I guess the best answer is yes I did it but over time of conversing with people it got better?

Sorry, not real sure how to explain it all.

 

[Ronin]

I used to explain myself (or, well, try to), but it was a part of abuse patterns / in which I had to explain & be on defense all of the time.

Not doing that, and explaining to people I want to (i.e. care for them & trust them & trust they would keep whatever I share with them safe) has been one of the more productive routes to take with my healing.

& I'm still working on the concept of 'Not everything needs explanations. Some times, you're allowed to be explanation less human :D'.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@lostforgottensoul

I automatically mimic people. It is how I learned to be out on the world and function. So I see what everyone else is doing and do that. It took a while for me to figure that out on here.

I think needing to be understood is a basic human need out of control for a long time in my life. Fitting in here and not having to explain myself meets that need. My healing and recovery has so speeded up since I first joined here. Thank you for what you shared, I really appreciate this.

@Ronin

I used to explain myself (or, well, try to), but it was a part of abuse patterns / in which I had to explain & be on defense all of the time.

This is so perceptive and ringing a loud bell for me. You nailed this one for me. I have something new for the tool kit now thanks to you.

 

[Ronin]

You're very welcome @gizmo.

Yeah, figured it might ring a bell or two for more people, abusers are unoriginal and making people feel information & personal details are owed for some nonsense reason or the other is quite an easy thing to do; and sadly functional long term, too, in what it does to self esteem and a sense of autonomy. So, glad to have helped.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I had to explain & be on defense all of the time.

^^^ This totally!