How Much Do You Tell Your Therapist About Day To Day Events?

[Sandstone]

How much do you tell your therapist about day to day events?

In my mind, I 'm seeing her to deal with the past, and going on about what feels like a problem today is just a distraction from that. Especially since I know that my feelings are so ephemeral. I want to fix the big things from the past, not run around today's crisis. I also don't want to drag it out any longer than I need to ,as I'm paying her. The NHS was worse than useless.

I've been seeing this therapist since June, and she's worlds away from the disastrous one I saw for the preceding year. I trust and like her, never leave a session with an urgent desire to be dead, and rarely regret going.

Last week though, I reported a conversation in which I said to my CPN "I haven't taken an overdose since September". She leapt on it and wanted to know why I hadn't told her at the time. It simply didn't seem relevant to me - I'd had a very low patch when someone else had let me down, taken a lot of sleeping pills and sleepy anti-histamines, slept for a day and a half, got up , felt stupid and carried on. I hadn't told anyone, and I saw no need to waste my precious 50 minutes of fixing time on a current wobble.

If anyone should be picking up current stuff it's the NHS CPN, but in September my assigned one had been off sick for months and no-one was assigned to cover.

So - in my place, would you have told her? Or would you have focussed on the job in hand?

 

[Abstract]

I can see your reasoning but have to say that I think something like this is essential to tell your t. They need to know our general stability for many reasons and need to understand our reactions better.

I have done many things like this. Sometimes because I don't feel I need to work through anything about it and don't want to get sidetracked. Other times I didn't realise it but in retrospect it was a way of protecting myself and distancing my t. It has also been a way of avoiding facing the full impact of what has happened.

She will probably see this as you not fully trusting her so I would explain that you want to make each session count and deal with the past.

Glad this t is so much better! :) Gives me hope too.

 

[Leah123]

Present day triggers are tied to the past, and identifying and mitigating them is critical. When you overdosed, that lack of control (the inability to keep yourself safe) reflects on past harm, becomes part of the cycle and I think it's important to discuss holistically.

I've identified so many triggers this way and gotten help focusing on key past elements by discussing present day challenges. I understand what you mean about focusing on original trauma, but can you look at it as *underlying* trauma, instead of just past trauma in isolation from the present?

 

[Abstract]

I just want to say that I think you might want to rethink labelling an overdose as a day to day event. That concept would be shocking for anyone seeing things objectively. Do you think you minimise these things? I think that is part of what I was referring to here.

avoiding facing the full impact

I totally agree with what Leah said too.

 

[Sandstone]

I hadn't considered it as minimising (I know I do that in terms of the things that caused my PTSD), but it does seem that no-one considers any of my behaviour as out of the ordinary. I suppose when you don't see anyone but MH workers and other sufferers then judgement may become a bit skewed. Yet I genuinely do think that the professionals think there's nothing much wrong with me, so I try to avoid bothering them.

Based on what my T claims about my mother being narcissistic, I suppose I'm just used to dealing with things by myself.

Leah123, yes my therapist said something vey similar about the present throwing a light onto the past. I'd assumed that was more relevant for people who don't recall their traumas, and I have clear memories of them all.

I've never hidden my general level of instability from this T. From the first I told her I was at risk of killing myself. I just saw no need to get into specific incidents, and in any case this specific incident had no suicidal intent, I just didn't want to be experiencing the pain for a while.

 

[samson]

I have learned the hard way that even though it seems ridiculous and unimportant, nearly everything I struggle with on a daily basis is related, not to my present, but to my past. I try to pare down things and only discuss things that were extreme. Seems that taking meds to sleep for a day and a half is an extreme reaction and an unhealthy coping skill? Hang in there. I totally get where you're coming from. I have "wasted" an entire session talking about my week and in turn not getting any real relief.

 

[scout86]

I think I'm safe in saying that "most people" wouldn't see and overdose and an everyday, not note worthy event. I'm trying to imagine how my T would handle it if that kind of remark came up during a session.... Let's just say that I think it would get a reaction.

Actually, I'm a little more likely to want to talk about NOW. As far as I'm concerned, the past is the past. I can't change it. The only things I can do anything about are in the present and the future. If anything, I think he's patiently pointing out how stuff that happens now relates to stuff that happened in the past. He has mentioned, nicely, that maybe I should try not to do his job for him. LOL

I think the whole point of having a therapist is that, if they're good, they know more about this that we do. Probably the best thing to do is work together to come up with the direction therapy needs to go. But, I'm pretty sure suicide attempts are the kind of thing you should mention. (Now, I might NOT, because I'm like that, and I know he'd disagree with my choice. And I'd probably say, "You didn't actually ASK." like he should have to begin every session by asking, "Any suicide attempts this week?" ) No, I'd say trying to not kill yourself IS part of the job at hand, don't you think? What's the point of rehashing the past if you plan to kill yourself tomorrow?

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh my, @scout86 has a point in the last one. :(

Dear @stenni , I so relate to this. For me I just wouldn't think of saying it. I did a stupid (unintentional) similar thing on new year's.

I think we do really try to manage stuff on our own (that we have tried always to do so).

I think @Leah123 's word of *underlying* is really accurate.

You have really helped me a lot by posting this, thank you. :hug:

 

[Abstract]

Stenni, I was thinking back and if I am not getting it wrong things were very bad for you for a while in the recent past with repeated suicide and serious self harm being a constant problem and your team just telling you to carry on. Is that right?

It seems like things have come a long way on from that if it is and that is wonderful and you should be proud. I wonder if that is part of what adds to the minimising of this for you. Your team wasn't hospitalising you for way more and over many incidents so it would make sense that you too have started to think of these things as nothing.

If you had a niece or a daughter do this then what would you think though? Would you think it right that they would not think it was important enough to mention it to you?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I don't generally give my therapist a blow-by-blow of a present day issue unless it's really bothering me so much we need to get it cleared out so we can do EMDR.

However, a main goal of my therapy is to make me feel better and be more functional in the present. So, I bring up something that was difficult or painful for me, even if I think it is small, and we check that situation for triggers to hotspot memories. Often, it'll be an initial jumping point that touches through several past traumas or painful times, and we try to find the core belief at the heart of how I experience it.

Once we find the core belief at work - such as "nobody cares about me" - we work on cognitive challenges to that belief. That's where my CBT skills come in.

The most important part of allowing this process to work for me was learning to be open to whatever comes forth, resisting nothing, pushing nothing away, and just experiencing the emotions.

 

[HelenB]

I have realised that for me the biggest problem with the things I have experienced in the past are the things I have taken away from it and things it has taught me about myself, which have a massive impact on everything in my day to day life now and how I have continued to treat myself.

I am very aware that at the time I could not deal with the emotions, which is why I shut them all out, and know that if I did try and face it all at once it would be very hard. For me it is very important to find a balance between the past and the present, and to use this too to keep me grounded and also feel it is very important for me to be honest with my therapist about where I am at in the day to day and the things which are coming up and being triggered off, as I really believe that for me they are naturally coming up as I am ready to face them and really do not want to delve and try and deal with things which I am not ready for, as I do think it is a natural process and all does need to be looked into and dealt with in a very holistic way.

I am glad you have been able to find a good therapist and hope you are able to talk through all this with them, as I would also feel that this would really help you both to get an idea of the things you are facing and way you are hoping to go in your journey.

God bless
Helen

 

[rightkindofme]

I am in therapy to help me deal with my current life better because I frequently lack the skills I need to be a functional person. I don't see how I could progress from where I am now if I were not willing to talk about it. *shrug*

I actually don't talk about the past that much any more in therapy. But I've been in therapy for almost 30 years. I've talked about the past. At this point therapy is about reparenting and helping me be able to do the things I want to do without being a nasty angry witch.