How Much Time Spent Here Is Safe?

[Grama-Herc]

I am impressed so far by some of the input and awareness shown here, but also dismayed by some of the other things.

Please know I never meant to point out any one person BUT I simply cannot let this pass.

Fin, have you noticed that you are the only person to post here 3 times already and the post are endless ramblings having not much to do with the topic?. You seem to have obsessed over this post most of the day and that concerns me.

Have you not fully read/grasped the concept of this thread????? You are doing more harm than good by being here endlessly day and night.

It is not healthy to obsess like you are over your PTSD and this forum. It is here to help with information. Not become the center of your word. Quite frankly, I worry about your state of mind.

Someone mentioned Balance ! That is what I was trying to convey in the beginning. You need to find a balance between your life and your time on the forum. I only say this from personal knowledge because I went through the same thing. Daily exposure to this is entirely to stressful on our body, our mind and our condition.

For the love of God, Fin, give it a rest.! You are not helping yourself

 

[fin]

I have lived with daily exposure to unmanaged PTSD virtually all my life Herc, certainly over half of it, and I am smiling now, just at this to see how far I have come now, tonight. Let go I am alright... :rolleyes: I am cool and it is good with me.

Who cares ..I responded to your thread -does it matter? I am learning to live and manage PTSD, I am cool with this and how it is working for me, I am sharing this... I am so very sorry that perhaps you feel it has gone off, but I really dont think it has. Not for me anyway.

I am finding my middle ground to walk the line between the pain and management.

And I am really not as I have said before here to get a bit of information I am here to learn to manage, and I think that is what I am learning now and begining to do now.

I hope you will see that but I cannot make you. No one can make anyone surely and this is why we are here, in part, to learn -for me it is to learn not to be walked over and abused or anything else anymore. And to be able to let go some of the past in the present and learn management of it all, and all or some that has happened to me, as much as I am able to anyway. If I had another way I would have found it and done it by now.

Pretending it isn't happening and not coming here because I am worried about what people might think of me here makes a nonsense of this, I am learning and learning how to manage. And that said I am tired but it is a good tired.

So relax and be cool... it is ok, I am fine, there is no need to worry here for me on this tonight. You take care of you, we all do this differently AND I am giving you my balance. You have your opinion and I have mine and this is working for me. And that I am thinking is some of what matters.

I hope this finds you well take care and have a peaceful sunday :smile:

Night
~fin

 

[Nicolette]

Fin and Grama Herc. I think the problem is that you are both coming from differing ends of the spectrum. Fin is relatively new here and is soaking it all up while Grama Herc you have done your time and learned your lessons.

My view, as a Carer is this...........

I think the forum definitely has benefits but like all things in life, it should be taken in moderation. Personal experience for me is that while I like coming here to help other Carers, the negativity can get you down. It tends to soak in and then you find yourself grumpy and irratible as well as getting to a point like Grama Herc said where you start mis-interpreting things. I have had to take breaks from the forum and I don't find it a good place to come when I am feeling down.

From watching a sufferer I would say the same applies. When I first met Anthony he spent copious amounts of hours every day on the forum. I started trying to break the habit by declaring weekends "us" time and anti-computer time. While I am sure the forum has helped Anthony immensely and I know he has helped lots of people too but it did take his toll on him. There are people here who have "unhealthy" views and just trying to help them takes a lot and the negativity takes it toll.

I doubt Anthony will disagree but he is more of a well balanced person now that he spends some time on the forum and some having other interests. Balance is the key. He too tends to avoid the forum when he is feeling down and out as it impacts when you take on other people's stuff. There are times too when I get caught up in the forum and Anthony lets me know it is time for me to take a break.

Warning.......I don't care what anyone says but I believe the forum can become very addictive and that is why balance is so important.

 

[cragger65]

Fin, I think you're doing your best, and I applaud you. I can well imagine the place that you are coming from. You always try to help, and that speaks volumes to your character. I'm glad you are finding your voice, and your confidence in that voice and process.

My 2 cents,
Dave

 

[midi]

I know this girl in real life, she worries and frets over what others do. Why, the last time I saw her (the other night), she was worrying about her friend's husband and a move he was making for his career. She has absolutely no control over their decisions yet there she was, trying to sway him to do what she felt was right.

All that time spent trying to get others to do what you feel right does what? Monitoring others or trying to save them will cause what?

I used to try and tell people that This and That was Bad for them and that they Needed to do what I told them. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realize that other people will do as they will, not as I lecture/scold/suggest. It only created a distraction for me in avoiding my own being, and alienated others. It also caused factions, with people trying to stick up for the criticized individuals. All negatives caused by my Well Meant Intentions...

 

[Grama-Herc]

Midi

I understand and agree with your assessment of this thread and others where unwanted help has been offered.

IMHO, if you personally know this person I think you would be more atuned to her condition and help her understand the destructive nature of TO MUCH TIME ON THIS FORUM.

We all know that to much exposure to this is harmful. Just check with Anthony or Nicolette. What is so wrong with attempting to remind people of this?

I did not intend to use any names, but when someone posts as much as she did in 1 thread in such a short length of time when it's not even their thread or diary, to me it indicates a serious problem.

I would hope you could help your friend and hope you try.

 

[Ursa]

Grama-Herc

You are not seeing that what is balance for you might not be for another. Each person functions in a different way and sometimes we try to evaluate others from our own point of view. How long somebody stays on the forum can be good for them is up to them to say.

I think that it is up to them to say how healthy their participation in this forum has been for them. Things that we cannot evaluate by just looking at their posts is what is going to determine that for them. On the other hand as long as they keep themselves following the rules in this forum their participation here should be fine.

 

[Noone.]

I think if this helps then good use it and when it begins to hurt take a break.
I think if you spend to much time here
you forget to live your life and PTSD starts living it for you.

See ya

FIRE.

 

[midi]

If I was worried about a specific individual, I'd probably PM the person instead of making a public thread about it. By avoiding direct communication with the person and doing blanket public preach about the issue, I might be seen as passive-aggressive even though my intentions were sincere.

With PTSD, I know that I am often anxious or afraid of a person's reaction to whatever I put out there. If my thread was vaguely directed at one person, it would only increase my own dysfunction, especially if I were doing the very thing I'm trying to stop the other person from doing.

There is nothing wrong with trying to help people, but sometimes we have to be careful of how we communicate. I'm very guilty of confronting people of say, eating too much chocolate and then running off and buying some.

Last night, I had a talk with an old school chum. He has a weight problem. Now, he's VERY over weight. For me, being an accident survivor with spine/muscle/bone injuries, I believe in physical rehabilitation and regular exercise (and if I can do it, hey blah blah blah). I did not say one word to him about my beliefs or even ask about his weight.

So what happened?

He opened up to me on his own. He told me about his health problem and his frustration and his added health issues. He freely told me about his struggle and his current plan to try and deal with no exercise, no ambition, etc... I listened and understood.

What would have happened if I started to preach about how people need to exercise yadayada? We wouldn't be friends anymore, because my urge to control him would have been more important than him.

 

[Nicolette]

Just a reminder that all threads are watched to some extent and I am very mindful of making sure no one is personally persecuted publicly.

Please be careful what you say here....like Midi said, if it is a private issue take it off the main board otherwise keep the thread on topic and not a personal attack of one person's habits.

Fin, please do not indulge by defending yourself as there is no need to and Grama Herc please keep it general.

Thanks

 

[anthony]

Anyone who said balance... that is about right in my eyes. Each to their own though I say... New members are often very about compared to older members. New members read and read, they ask questions, post what is in their head, etc etc... all part of the process to help themselves. As a person starts putting things together they should automatically see themselves spending less time here and more time working upon themselves. Just my opinion though.

The forum is upon the Internet... the Internet IS addictive. This is fact. Like Facebook, Myspace, MSN and all the other chat and social networking... it is all addictive just like drugs. People have lost their lives because of Internet addiction. This is why I suggest that people moderate their time here, though all I can do is suggest, what you do with your time is overall up to you. I know what hurts PTSD, so I try to share that information as does everyone else here when they discover something. Again though, end of the day, decision is owned by the person alone and nobody else.

I am with those who state a balanced approach.

Just my two cents.

 

[TLight]

I think that caretaking and judging what is right for others or not healthy is not healthy in the context of cyber space.

If we perceive someone's behavior as 'unhealthy' and we are in normal day to day human life and not living this surreal life of cyber relationships but actually living real life and had a REAL face to face relationship with someone that we want to continue, then pointing out behavior that may be harmful for their lives is OK as long as we perceive that person to be receptive to feedback and we are capable of giving it and we are not overstepping any boundaries. This is just plain human compassion.

However, I look at the forum as I do all internet stuff.....I've never had any 'cyber relationships' that are one on one. For me, it just feels to strange as someone's typed words can never truly respresent the person. I look at this community as a community relationship.....yes, at times when I'm needing a bit more support or understanding, I may choose to PM someone and request feedback.......but that is for a short period and I prefer not to 'continue' that form of relationship because it is not real.

That being said; we all need support and having PTSD it is very hard to find outside of our therapist......so having a community, similiar to AA, is good for our healing and in my town.......this is it. I've nowhere else to turn to not feel alone in my healing. So the forum is wonderful as a tool for support in this sense......but for me, it should be a 'community relationship'.........never to substitute for real relationships.......

I think as a world culture we all need to recognize the boundaries and limitations of cyber relationships and make the choice how far we are willing to participate in them.

If I PM a person and I start getting too much of a back and forth conversation........it makes me uncomfortable and I will back off. Cyber relationships are not real folks......use this forum as support, spend the amount of time that feels appropriate to you and if you feel it is helping, then go for it. For others, it may just be unhealthy...........but that is not for me to say since I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU.