Relationship How Often Does A Person With Ptsd Want To Be Contacted?

[Tanishq]

I don't like being asked all the time. But I have noticed on this forums, I like to be playful for a while and check out threads which bring lot of fun. It depends on person what they want. You can ask him what he would like to hear. If he is confused about it, let him know you're always there.

Edit: I like to communicate about discussion about various questions, understand ptsd. Not only ptsd, many other things in my life. It helps me to distract me from pain and gives me little comfort.

PTSD sufferers need constant flow of help. It can take more than one year. Anything you can from your life, suppose if you want to support someone who is trying to change themselves, be constant with them with kind treatment. It takes lot of time to bring effect.

I like your question, few people think about this and decide what can be done about this.

I have seen people who treated me very nice first day and then they changed their attitude. They weren't there when I was in need. Kept accusing me which I wasn't obviously, it made me feel bad and horrible. It reminded me of my past how many friends left me out of blue. I have believe and I know I deserve caring and loving people around me. It gave me lot of hard time. I know Faith, you wouldn't do this. Just felt to share this thought.

Hope god helps you in showing right way to you :)

 

[SRE7267]

I would say avoid asking those kinds of questions. They only bring attention to something they've been trying to forget all day. I'm far more apt to respond to a text about nonsensical things like... "HOLY $*!@! JUST saw the biggest motha f'ing spider in my life!" With texts like that I don't feel pressure and I'm not reminded of what I'm trying to forget. And I'm more likely to respond as well as seek out that person.

I know it's not a lot, but I hope it helps.

Amazing advice! While I am in no way making light of your situation and feel for you when you say you are unable to respond to certain texts, I have to admit that a smile was swept across my face when I read your example of a nonsensical text. This is like a breath of fresh air - seems so simple... to reach out with just random on-goings, rather then the dreaded question of "how are you?" So thank you for sharing! I am going to try this more often... then when he chooses not to respond, it's not really something I needed a response back from anyway - just was a way to reach out, let him know I'm out there, thinking of him. That's all I want anyway - for him to know he's not alone and that I care.

 

[myvetswife]

My hubby and me are talking about things like that, when he has his talking mood. We then share how we felt and what we can do different/better

 

[Red Feather]

I find it so sweet of you FaithJl to be seriously asking yourself these questions and wanting to understand your friend. Your friend is really lucky. I agree with the others, that if he is developing a difficulty with reacting to you than it is good just to talk about it. You also shouldn't feel obligated to message him either. It's all good if you can be honest.

It is important to know what it is you want when you contact him. I'm like Loner and usually think people don't care if they don't write. But at the same my mother really annoys me when she asks how I am everyday. And she has a tendency to ask me how I am exactly in those times when I really low. And I get the impression that she is doing it only to satisfy her own anxiety and guilt issues. I'm not saying this is the case with you, by the way.

And also I know that people do care, but often feel they can't communicate to me for some reason. Sometimes that really is hard. When it comes to my friends, I think I would be really grateful if one of them asked me how I was doing.

 

[SRE7267]

Amazing advice! While I am in no way making light of your situation and feel for you when you say you are unable to respond to certain texts, I have to admit that a smile was swept across my face when I read your example of a nonsensical text. This is like a breath of fresh air - seems so simple... to reach out with just random on-goings, rather then the dreaded question of "how are you?" So thank you for sharing! I am going to try this more often... then when he chooses not to respond, it's not really something I needed a response back from anyway - just was a way to reach out, let him know I'm out there, thinking of him. That's all I want anyway - for him to know he's not alone and that I care.

Just an update! I typically don't break my own rule of reaching out two days in a row as I tend to need more time in the "happy place" before setting myself up for being ignored. But I was motivated to see if this actually worked so I sent a random text (we had blizzard like conditions yesterday, so I just said something random about how awesome it was to see the snow) and I got an immediate response! All smiles today for me. Again, amazing advice. Thank you!

 

[99Phoenix99]

and I got an immediate response! All smiles today for me. Again, amazing advice. Thank you!

I'm glad I could help even just a little bit :D

 

[HollyB]

Just to add my two cents. Sometimes it's REALLY hard for me to respond to my friends when they text me. I really appreciate that they want to talk to me, but at the same time I feel pressured. Especially if they ask the dreaded questions "Hey what are you up to?" "Hey how are you?" "Hey what are you thinking about?"

I have to comment on this as well.

I wish I'd read this post MONTHS AGO, as I had to learn through trial-and-error exactly what you suggested, and the process of figuring out how he works was nerve-wracking. When we're not physically together, like texting or something, and I text him about the World Series, he's responsive. If I send him a picture of a dog that I'm "threatening" to adopt, he responds. If I ask how he is, he's silent. If I send him something cutesy and supportive, he's sometimes appreciative, but mostly silent.

His moods and behavior are similar in person. The lighter, the better.

Once I figured this out, I somehow managed to create a safe place for him, so that he now voluntarily opens up when he feels comfortable, without me having to ask the "dreaded questions," and knows that I'll be here to listen.

So yeah, brilliant. I'm gonna be reading everything you write from now on! LOL

 

[mrod]

I will try this hopefully within the next couple days. I still want to give him his space, I don't want to stress him out or put pressure on him that he doesn't need. My question is, why do they push away the ones who care the most and know what's going...well, for the most part?

 

[99Phoenix99]

My question is, why do they push away the ones who care the most and know what's going...well, for the most part?

Hi Mrod, I was wondering if you could make a new thread with this question. Because.... oh boy... that is a can of worms what you've just asked and I don't want to hijack FaithJL's thread here. I saw that you're a new member so if you don't know how yet I can start the thread for you and quote your question.

 

[mrod]

Thank you! Yes that would be great! :) I really appreciate it.

 

[Renee5624]

After reading this, I do see the pattern in responses I receive to emails and texts, and even coversations. I guess you also have to consider your intentions. Am I sending an "I love you" msg because that's what I want to say, or really because that's what I want to hear? Am I reaching out because I'm wanting to validate some feelings of my own right now?

If I send a text to a random friend, it's not a big deal if they don't respond right away, but in the case of dealing with my sufferer, its a measurement of some sort of our progress. I'm analyzing every response, tone, etc. plus, I know it's not just only me, but his family as well that are doing it.

I'm also wondering if mixed messages are being sent sometimes. Sometimes I say at least acknowledge the email/text. Sometimes when I just get a one word response, then I'm complaining because he didn't expound on the thought. Is this a part of just being a woman? LOL

How much should supporters read into the lack of response or type of response?

 

[HollyB]

If I send a text to a random friend, it's not a big deal if they don't respond right away, but in the case of dealing with my sufferer, its a measurement of some sort of our progress.

I totally agree. And since my sufferer isn't just my friend, his response (or lack thereof) to me is a measure of the strength of his feelings for me. But I know I need to stop thinking that way. It's just so hard, because I keep having expectations of him as though he doesn't have PTSD.

How much should supporters read into the lack of response or type of response?

Great question. I'd love to know the answer...