How To Cope Seeing A Dr About 'private' Issues?

[anonymous]

I really didn't know what to call this, or where to place this question. And maybe I am the only one like this and maybe it is quite silly of me, but I will ask anyway.

Being sexually abused at such a young age, I tuned out of every 'sex ed' class at school. I would sit in the room with 50 or so other girls, but would be so far away, not paying attention or wanting to know. As soon as the class was done, I would go and make myself throw up and/or sit in the hot showers until the water ran cold or a teacher came in. I didn't want to know and quite honestly still don't want to know. I probably have the sexual developmental age/maturity of an 8 year old and am now an adult. Talking about any part of the body makes me feel so nauseous and embarassed. I can't talk about this sort of thing. I can sort of generally talk about menstruation, but anything else, I just freeze and shut down. And I really, quite honestly, don't know how to refer to parts of the body, or I can't explain what parts of the body are doing. I hate looking at my own body, let alone anyone elses.

But, 'something'(and I don't know what or why) is happening in my body which from my limited knowledge, I know is not normal. At least I don't think it is normal. How do I bring this up with my Dr? I absolutely will not let her look. Never. I won't ever have a pap smear, a breast exam, I won't ever have sex etc. So how do I go about getting this sorted? I can't just walk in and say 'Hey Doc, this is what's happening, but you can't look'

My T basically forced it out of me on Thursday last week. Thankfully, she did a lot of prompting and I didn't have to say much because she picked up on it straight away. She used to be a nurse so she asked me all of these questions, and wrote down a list of symptoms. She even wrote a sort of 'timeline' out to help me, when the symptoms first started and what they were. She told me to just hand that to the Dr. She wanted me to get an appointment ASAP as she was quite concerned, but nothing was available until today. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I cancelled the appointment yesterday.

What to do?? How does everyone else deal with this sort of thing? Does any of what I said make sense?

 

[Meadowsweet]

Sometimes it takes time to talk yourself into these things. To do this, you have to be completely honest with yourself and try and keep the conversation to facts.

At the moment you have made the choice not to go. But there could be worse consequences for not going and in the factual conversation with yourself, it is these facts that you need to bring out.

At the same time, you can go through the automatic thoughts that sit behind your feelings of dread. And then challenge those thoughts. So that you build the argument against the thoughts stopping you doing something.

If you feel it would help for someone to go with you, that might help to.

Asking your doctor if they can prescribe a sedative if any examination is necessary is an option.

And also, if you zone out, it is quite likely that this natural protective response will kick in during any examination.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I can relate to you, so you're not alone in dealing with these issues. Is there anyone you could take with you to your appointment? Even your therapist? (Yes, that may sound odd, but my therapist has offered to go with me to other appointments and she consults with others on my treatment team on a fairly regular basis.)

I hate talking about sex, I hate talking about periods or anything like that. As soon as a group of females starts bitching about their period, I want to smack them and say "no wonder guys tune you out!!!". Now I know how guys feel when women talk about it in front of them!

 

[p-no]

I can't just walk in and say 'Hey Doc, this is what's happening, but you can't look'

This is exactly what I did for years and years and years. And guess what, things have changed and I can have some of the check-ups done, some not, but I still always go.

First of all, this way I have always found a doctor who cared enough to accept me the way I was at the time and to take it from there to help me the best they could. I did make sure though to verbalize (over and over) that I was very well aware that I refused this or that check up at my own risk and that I would not ever blame her (all women) for anything. I told them what was necessary of my story so they could relate. Still, some couldn't. Some laughed as if I'd told them the funniest story they ever heard (yes, women), some accepted what I told them but couldn't handle it, and finally, sometimes after a lot of discouragement, disappointment and time and effort I always, every single time, found a doctor who I stayed with and who did as much as she could AND I would allow. There are such people out there! It may well be difficult to find them, but they are there.

Secondly, once found, they might have options you would have never thought of yourself. There might be methods that can be used on you (from the outside of your body) that is not usually used for your symptoms but the doctor may well be creative enough to think of it once she knows what you can and can not do. Also, I could tell them what possibilities I had come up with, i.e. "what about check-up XY in aneasthesia?" or whatever. Get creative!

Thirdly, most times in my case, I got "reality-checked", meaning I found out that most likely there was nothing to worry. If I had ever had "something" that really literally needed attention and treatment of the kind that I was not able to allow, I was at a stage then with the doctor that I trusted her (whichever one of all of them; I moved fairly often so I had fairly many all in all), and if you trust a person more, you automatically get more options.

Best to you, dear anonymous.

 

[p-no]

Yes, that may sound odd, but my therapist has offered to go with me to other appointments...

I have taken mine along twice already for dental treatments. Good idea!

 

[Springer80]

Dear Anonymous,

I just wanted to voice my support and say that a lot of people on here have had a very disappointing time with alot of doctors. Just remember that if they say anything hurtful to your smaller self that they are ill informed and please don't take it too heart. It's fine that you have some particular requirements, you still deserve to be treated well, more so even, so stick to your guns!!! And like p-no said hopefully youll strike it lucky and get a good one. Good luck and I hope your health gets better. Your body deserves some tlc.

Taking your therapist sounds like a good plan though! X

 

[piratelady]

I used to be like you and wouldn't go to the doctor if there was a problem in...that area. Eventually it came back to bite me and I was in the hospital for three days. When I go to the doctor I try to focus on anything except what is going on. I also remind myself that they are a doctor and they see/deal with these sort of issues all day long - this is clinical to them, not personal. Lastly, I remind myself that the consequences of not going or taking care of the problem could be far worse than the anxiety caused by having it checked out.

You can take your list to the doctor. Also explain about your anxiety. I think anxiety is common with the doctor and I can't imagine they can't do something to work with you to try to help you. You always leave without being examined if the anxiety becomes too much. Everyone wants the same end result - for you to be healthy.

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS)))

The fact that you started this thread shows that you recognise it could be serious and that you need to do something about it. Sorry to sound tough but you need to make an appointment with your doctor and keep it.

Along with the timeline your T helped you do, print off what you have written here and take that as well.

If you feel it would help for someone to go with you, that might help to.

Asking your doctor if they can prescribe a sedative if any examination is necessary is an option.

And also, if you zone out, it is quite likely that this natural protective response will kick in during any examination.

MS has some good ideas. I use a crystal turtle which I hold (crush) in my hand to keep me focussed and essential oils to calm me.

I wish I could help.

Take care.

 

[p-no]

Lastly, I remind myself that the consequences of not going or taking care of the problem could be far worse than the anxiety caused by having it checked out.

Just saying, from experience: That panic, that total terror really, can be stronger than the realization of the possible consequences. It seems more like "terror" to me than like "anxiety". Don't underestimate that, well, really, terror one can go through.

Having said that, anonymous, please know that several times, a doctor thought of something that might be the physical problem and just treated that with medication, or tried to. Most times that was enough and my problems were resolved. So, it was a bit of a guessing game, but it was better than doing nothing. I, too, care and hope you will find a way for you to approach this.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Just another thought... Do you have the ability to zone things out? I don't mean in a dissociative sort of way where you have no control, but rather in a "I'm taking my mind to another place just to get through the moment and can bring myself back when needed" sort of way. (I hope this makes sense!) This is what I tend to do when I have to go to the doctor. Perhaps it's not the best solution, but given the fact that therapy can take years to help us in this area and you need medical assistance now, perhaps its the best option given your circumstances?

 

[anonymous]

Thank you all for your replies. I do have a fantastic Dr, she knows I was sexually abused. She was the one I first went to speak to about feeling 'depressed' and she ended up probing a little further and I ended up telling her. Mind you, she only knows 'something' happened, not the full extent. Even though she is a good Dr, I don't think she 'gets' my worries, fear and anxiety. I don't think she really understands that it isn't just about being scared, but it is a whole other emotion and feeling that takes over your whole body and can't be explained.

Yes, I do need to sit down and look at the 'facts' of the situation. My T is constantly reminding me about the 'facts' I know I need medical attention. I might as well just say it. It is embarrassing. But I will say it anyway.

I have been on the pill for close to 8 months now, I was previously on it for about a year, and had 2 months off before going back on it. Instead of taking it the normal way, where you take the 'sugar pill' for 7 days while you...you know, have your period...I was taking it the whole time so I didn't have to have those 7 days of agony each month. I have PCOS which causes heavy bleeding and intense cramps, as well as cysts on the ovaries and other fun problems. Anyway, that pill stopped working, presumably because I had been on them for so long, so my Dr put me on another pill which was supposed to stop them completely. When my T was asking me some questions, I told her what pill I was on and the dosage and she was really, really worried, because of the type of pill it is, how it reacts with my anxiety meds, and also because it was such a high dosage. Apparently most people take 1 a day; I was taking 4 a day, 2 morning and 2 night. On Dr's instructions of course.

Anyway, the past 3 months or so I have had a really bad pain down where my ovaries would be. It feels like the same pain I had last time I had a cyst on my ovary, so I presume that is what it is. That pain I can deal with, and was planning to just leave it. God this is where it gets hard.... about 3 or 4 weeks ago, my breasts became really sore and sort of...grew. So much so, that now they don't fit into my normal bra! I am wayyy past the age of puberty, so it is not normal growth! I know most woman sometimes get pain, but this is constant burning, constant cramping. 2 weeks ago, in the shower...they started leaking. Ah, how embarrassing! I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding, never even had willing sex, and this is bloody happening! As if I don't hate myself and my body enough already!!! My T thinks it is a serious hormone imbalance, which sounds about right to me.

Anyway, I stopped taking the pill about a week and a half ago. She said that was the worst thing I could have done because it screws with your head and could send me into a psychotic state almost. Well, I've been ok so far. I am hoping upon hoping that it just goes away, but if anything, it is getting worse. Not only is it happening just in the shower, it is now happening other times. I have to keep tissues in my bra to stop my clothes getting soggy.

I apparently chronically dissociate, and haven't mastered the technique of 'going someplace else' without dissociating. I wouldn't have the courage to ask my T to come with me. It's not her job. Although, she works just across the road, so maybe if I were to see my Dr, I could schedule an appointment with her straight after and hope I am not too dissociated to make my way there.

At the moment, I am just holding out to see if the symptoms go away. I am also on day 4 of taking absolutely no medication, no pain meds, no blood pressure, no anxiety/depression meds, nothing. I decided on a 1 month detox to help sort out my body. Apart from the agonizing pain which I am constantly in anyway, I feel ok. No meltdowns yet!

I really, really just want to cry. No one knows about my PTSD, no one knows about this issue, it’s just so hard to keep going. I am a disgusting freak. I really am. My body is not normal. I hate it.

 

[anonymous]

KP the nut, I always take some crystals with me to play with while seeing my T. I think I will do the same if I end up going to the Dr. What sort of essential oils are good to use? I haven't really looked into anything like that yet, but I know when I burn my sandalwood incense, that makes me feel calm.