How To Deal With My Daughter With Ptsd When I Also Have Ptsd

[jejilala]

My daughter, who is 14, recently revealed to us that she had been sexually abused by her uncle. I did everything that I was suppose to. I believed her. I called the police. I started her in counseling. They diagnosed her with ptsd. She is very depresses. She cuts herself and is suicidal. They are trying new drugs to control her moods but nothing seems to be working very well.

Well as a huge complication, during all this going on with my daughter I started to have weird flashbacks about my brother (the man who molested my daughter) I thought maybe I was just going crazy. I began to go to therapy to try to understand why this was happening and she said that they are repressed memories of him abusing me as a child. He is much older than me. Anyway, I know it is true. I remember alot now.

Well then I was diagnosed with ptsd also. I am having a very hard time right now. My daughter needs me and I try so hard to help her but when she starts getting horribly depressed I am having trouble not just sliding into the hole with her.

I just need some feedback or advice on how I should deal with this situation. I am completely and inadequitly equipped. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Dear jejilala,

When you said you did everything you were supposed to, you are right. The way you handled this horrible news is examplary and I am so glad to read that there are people like you who are so supportive of their children, even when their worst nightmares come true.
It's very wise of you to ask for advice. Working so hard to support your daughter while struggling with PTSD yourself as well, is a very brave thing to do.

How many times does your daughter go to counseling? It sounds like she could use some more therapeutic support than she is getting now. Is her therapist a woman? And is she specialized in PTSD? If so, I'm sure she'll understand the necessity of taking therapy up a notch. There is absolutely no shame in that. Perhaps you and your daughter could have a session together every once in a while? I think it would be good for the both of you. I know it would help me a lot to be able to talk to my parents in a situation supervised by my therapist. It's easier to be open towards each other when you know there is someone to guide you right in the same room than sitting on the couch in your own home.

You both deserve the help you need, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need a little more support. Try to involve some friends and family. They can support you, distract you with fun activities and ring the alarm if things seem to go worse with either of you. Perhaps you both can arrange having contact with your respective therapists via e-mail or telephone in between sessions?

Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[arfie]

Wouldn't it be lovely if doing things "right" made them easy? It doesn't seem to work that way in my life. Especially where my offspring are concerned. My own are 29 and 33. Doesn't seem right to call them "kids" any more, but the temptation to go down that rabbit hole with them is as strong as ever.

Sharing in my own support groups is the best way I have found to help me sort my issues from their issues. I care and I want to be there for them, but it is no easy feat to keep my flashbacks, et al, from flooding their rabbit holes. One day at a time with a little help from my friends.

 

[Powder]

You are doing a lot to help your daughter, and the fact that she feels depressed means that she should be well supported by everyone in her life. I agree 100% with Snow White. She needs to be in weekly or two times a week therapy for the depression.

I am concerned about the medicine that your 14 year old is being prescribed. I do not really support meds for children. They can make a depressed child suicidal if they are SSRI's which are depression drugs, like Effexor and Prozac. Even in my 20s, they messed me up. And they won't work at all if she is feeling depression from normal grieving the childhood she had taken from her by this terrible man. She needs to feel these feelings to process the grief.

If she has panic attacks or trouble sleeping all night without nightmares, then your Dr. can prescribe anti-anxiety medicine, like Catapress or Lorazapam, a very small dose to help her to relax and rest.

Her trauma is triggering to you. I'm proud that you have stood by her and supported her even though it triggers you. That is a good sign that as a survivor, you have retained your ability to be strong and love unconditionally. :) I wish you were my mom!

Get into trauma therapy yourself if you haven't already and explore EMDR to cope with the repressed body memories and flashbacks. Take care of you, too. Make sure to do fun stuff with your daughter.

Go get pedicures, go to the movies, and go shopping and laugh and play together. Try to make life feel "good" and "normal" even though there is some darkness in life. Show her that the light is never far away and can be accessed anytime in healthy loving ways. Promise her that that 1/3 of women have been sexually abused and she is not alone, she is doing right to heal now, and life has every joy waiting for her if she chooses that life.

XOXO Good Momma!

 

[vampire girl]

I think yall should do more stuff together make her feel cared about more maybe she feels lonely in this world maybe she needs some one to convince her that everyone has a role to play in this world.

I know what she's going through when I was 5 all the way to 7 my dad bathed me when I was 11 to 13 or 14 my dad had a video camera in the vent watching me and his other 2 daughters. Just this year my dad finally got caught his name is David Rienas. Soon he'll be getting out. I haven't seen my dad in years and I'm not ever going to. Just like my sisters kids wont be near him and if I have kids they wont go near him either and my moms been helping me through it and 5 months ago my cuzin tryed to feel on me but I got a way, and a month ago my uncle tried to mess with me when I was trying to sleep but my mom caught him.

So you should just help her through it because its the past theirs nothing much you can do for her about it but you should just be by her side this is coming from a 16 year old girl. I know how it feels......... I hate when people go through what I go through its horrible!!!!!

 

[jejilala]

Thank you all so much. You have no idea have relieving it is to hear that I am at least going in the right direction. Snow white she us in therapy once a week with a woman counselor who specialuzes in cildhood sexual abuse.

As of yesterday she is in a hospital for a program that helps children her age. She will be there for 2 weekks. I think she needed it very badly. I am not sure about the medication either. I am researching it because I want her to be able to deal with life and not just medicate life away. I am going to talk to her doctor in the morning about it.

Please excuse my typing. It's really bad. lol. Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and your advice. It's good to feel like I am not just out here alone.