How To Deal With University While Suffering From Ptsd?

[SomeName]

Hello. I'm new here, I just really need some place where I can ask for advice right now. Also, sorry for my english, it's not my native language but I'm trying my best.
I suffer from severe PTSD or CPSTD (I'm not sure, sorry, I've only recently learned that CPTSD exists) and am starting univeristy in less than a month. I'm 21 and two years ago I already dropped out from one university due to feeling overwhelmed but also uninterested in my major which I'd chosen because my abuser (parent) forced me to. I no longer live with my abuser and since leaving, my PTSD has only gotten worse. Only now I realize how bad it's been and how much torture I endured in my life. I'm rambling now, so back to the original topic.

I'm extremely, extremely scared of going back to university. I'm afraid it will be too much for me. I'm scared of people there, there is so many of them. I don't know why I'm like that, I'm usually not scared of social interactions etc. It's only like that when I'm at school. Those people just make me so anxious. My hands are constantly shaking due to stress and everyone notices that and then I'm even more stressed out. I feel extremely unsafe being there, surrounded by all those people. Like an hour ago I logged into my university's website and then saw some posts of other students on a facebook group. Just this was enough to almost make me have a panic attack and it was so bad I had to take benzodiazepines, which I hadn't done in a long time.

I'm terrified of group assignments/projects. Especially when there are men, which makes me pathetic I guess, since I am a guy. But I've had so much trauma caused by men that I feel unsafe being near them. I remember how it was before, at the first university I went to - I felt anxious 24/7, overwhelmed and wanted to cry all the time. This all was making me unable to study... And I know I have to make at least one friend there, in case that I'd need some notes or some information about classes and stuff. But I really don't want/don't know how to socialize with people there. I'm just a big, anxious mess close to panic attacks whenever I think about university and stuff. Whenever I'm there I just think when it's gonna end, then go back home and think that I need to be there tommorow anyway, and that I should study but I'm so mentally and even physically exhausted that I can't bring myself to do that.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone been through something similar? How do you deal with this? Is there anything that can help me go through university? Or should I just give up? Any answer will be appreciated. I really don't know what to do.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Welcome! :hug:

I dont think you should give up as giving up, in my opinion, is never good. But I do think you seem to be rumminating (obsessing about) it too much. I think you are working yourself up that you end up talking yourself out of it. I know that well, did it for 17 yrs until now at 35, college seems so out of sight.

Do you have a therapist? If not can you get one or at least a counselor to talk to?

I know how hard it is to socialize. I also cant seem to understand how to speak to someone I dont know in person.

Anyway, I think if you cut yourself some slack, not make yourself crazy over what ifs, and gain someone like a therapist or counselor to talk this over with, it would be a lot easier! :) :hug:

 

[Naoru]

I worked through college with PTSD and finished summa cum laude as the highest ranking graduate, so it can be done! Don't give up! :) Do you have a therapist? There may be a program on campus to assist you. Are there online courses offered in your program?

My suggestion is to get a therapist, if you can, and learn about the various coping and grounding techniques before you get started. Keeping a well-planned schedule outlined in a calendar really helped me manage my course load and mentally prepare myself whenever there were going to be group projects or presentations. Sure every student needs to manage time wisely, but it might be even more so for PTSD sufferers. I'm not going to lie, it was tough and once I discovered I was at the top of my class, my stress and symptoms spiked so badly I almost ruined everything. Have self-compassion and forgiveness; that will go a long way. Reach out for help and take online classes when possible. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much.

and if you discover it's not your time to go back to school, that's okay. Accept where you are and keep moving forward. You're still young and can return. :) That said, I bet you can do it. Good luck. :)

 

[RandomName]

Thank you for all your replies.
Unfortunately, I live in a country where no universities offer online learning or basically anything that could help a person with PTSD. I also don't have a therapist, I'll be so busy doing two schools at once I don't have time for that. What's more, if I wanted a good therapist I'd need to pay and I can't afford it.
I'm not planning to give up right now. I'm just so terrified. Of new people, especially men. When there's a group project, I just want to run and never come back. But, of course, I'll try my best. But this is all just so scary. I live in a conservative country, there are no way that university will care that I have PTSD. There's no awareness when it comes to mental disorders and traumas. I just don't know how to cope when I'll be there.
Also, giving up or taking a break is out of options for me. I don't have a family that'd support me financially while I'd be taking a break. So I guess I just gotta do it, no matter how damaging to my mental health it'll be.

 

[cat-lady]

I'm a student also. What career are you going to school for? Is it one where they would accept a foreign degree? You might want to research online schools in other countries that would accept you without you moving. You might also want to consider looking into scholarships for schools in countries where they are required to have disability accommodations , like the U.S.

 

[Swemoor]

Hey, I am also a college student and is really hard dealing with my illness while going to college I left for a year tho, I still go often...

I try to see the nice side, that I will get more practice when I come back.

Anyway I will give you my recommendations based on my experience ...

Where are you from?

My first years I was too scared of telling my teachers about my illness, so when I told them I had already failed a subject because I stopped going.

After I was abused I got really depressed and I was never able to tell my drawing teacher, I felt really bad because I really admired him (still) and I disappointed him.

So my advice here is talk to your teachers :)


The second advice is follow your therapy I go to the psychiatrist and the psychologist, my psychologist told me she was in a project to help people with anxiety so she showed me some technics, my psychiatrist promised me that he wouldn't let me have a relapse, he gave us his number and when I have anxiety attacks or any doubt I call him, it helps me a lot.


In my country my college offers free healthcare for students, the psychiatrists of the main campus are really good and is free, college is also free...

You say that you can't afford one but some psychologists give free therapy online, I can help you to find one if you want...

You should search for academic exange ;n;
I am from Mexico, we have a lot of exange students, we have Italians, Russians, Irish, Germans, Norwegians and also Latin Americans mostly Colombians :D
Rent is cheap and if you don't have money for rent you can stay with a foster family but if you feel nervous about other people near you that may be a little difficult, tho, I promise you that lots of us would do our best to help you

But you can also search exange for other countries :)

You should request an scholarship...

Another point is your medication, it took me a year to find the right medication and I feel much better.


And I suggest you to get a service dog :)
I just had some hard days past weeks and my dog helped me a lot, he helped me to calm down, it's amazing what they can do.

If you get a service dog, I think you will feel better going to college because the dog can actually help you if you have a panick attack.

If you can't afford one you should rescue a dog and train him... maybe you won't be able to take him wherever you go, but I think it will still help.

I'm so glad you are not longer with your abuser, good luck is a long walk but you will do fine :D
Don't give up...

Take care. Hugs

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Yes, definitely look to see if there is a program, like a disabled students services or resource program, at your school. In the U.S. we have the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other laws that protect people with disabilities. That includes making accommodations at school, including higher education. For PTSD, aside from self care and learning lots of grounding skills, finding one safe person, one safe place, maybe student health services, can be a big support.