Sufferer How To Heal The Pain That Is Buried In My Body?

[franciemarnie]

Hashi - Thank you for the note on unwinding. I'd never heard that term and definition. That explains what my body did once when I was hospitalized after trauma when I was 23. The nurses all said, "Relax!!"

Ha!! As if I could. My body was curling up out of my control. It was terrifying.

Thank you.

 

[Murakami]

For example, it could be that what your body is telling you is that you had this close bonded relationship with a bio parent or grandparent that you lost/abandonment. Therefore, it's like "oh here's that good feeling...OMG it's going to be ripped away again!"

Until you get more in touch with the inner <5 year old, you may not know how to unravel this one. Stay with it and keep the love strong both ways. :)

Agree, there are lots of things from 3-5 years, I will never know what happened, cuz I was with relatives, fosterhomes and children homes. My rational big sister personality is accepting this. I don't know if the inner child is. There was a very harsh separation with my birthmother, since she breastfed me until the day she left when I was 3 years. So naturally abandonment issues could also trigger intense physical responses.

On the other hand I do feel very suffocated, when this itching and convulsions appear. And it is not very long ago I forced myself to have sex with people I didn't know or even thought were disgusting. Luckily I taught myself to say no to that now.

Again, I never wanted to be a victim of CSA. If anything it would make things easier for me not to be. It just would explain a lot of my bizarre behaviour, in my case theres no evidence. But I do know my body. I don't really care about what caused me to be so damaged. The important thing for me is how to heal:)

 

[Murakami]

I'm a Haruki Murakami fan, and thought of that immediately when I saw your user name. (Favourite books - A Wild Sheep Chase and The Wind Up Bird Chronicle.)

Oh, btw Wind Up Chronicle Bird was my insanity saviour during a particular rough patch. I also really loved Kafka On The Shore until it got too trippy, hehe. I'm about to finish audio of IQ84 now. You're welcome to let me know what you think of it, if you have time:)

Have you considered somatic therapy? I've had craniosacral therapy, and am now having body psychotherapy among other things. I know other people have found that somatic experiencing is right for them.

Inspired by your tip, I have done a lil reserach today and found a few names that are members of the European Association for Body Pshycotherapy. I will see if can find someone who is willing to take me in.

I did have cranio-sacral therapy over a decade ago. But there was a year waiting list... She was very good and only worked part time cuz it was too heavy on her. I learnt the yawning techniques and also tug earlobes among other things from her, which I still use:)

A bit on the side, perhaps, but I also did a couple of years with Tai Chi with an excellent teacher. 90 mins sessions ending in 10 mins mutual tai chi based massage makes you limp and loose! Very helpful to gain balance for both body and soul:)

I don't know if you've also experienced sweating, going cold, and unwinding (the body going into movements or positions without our control)?

I get these cold waves. It can last for minutes or days. It's like a cold that sets into my marrow. Also sometimes panic attacks, more often cramps. Can wake up having cramp...how is that even possible? When cramping I can't move for up to 20 minutes.

I would suggest thinking about the possibility that, while you body is trying to follow this channel now, perhaps it/you still needs guidance from a suitable therapist. Otherwise, this can be quite undirected and give little positive result. It's just a thought.

Lol, you give me so much to think about and answer:) Maybe best suited answer in your thread about body therapy. I'm gonna head over there.

 

[Powder]

I, too, get the deep shivering cold. I feel like I'm dying of hypothermia. I have had the body do things on its own, once during a massage. Hmmm.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[Murakami]

I, too, get the deep shivering cold. I feel like I'm dying of hypothermia. I have had the body do things on its own.

Oh, that's wacky comforting to know that I'm not alone experiencing this. It's so inexplicable sometimes, like after workout or having a meal or just totally unprovoked. 2 duvets not enough, electrical heat blanket needed too for up to hours to thaw.