I hate dirt, clutter and messes.
I grew up in a very clean home, so it's kind of been ingrained in me to keep my place clean and neat.
Me too on both accounts. My mom would have me doing all of the cleaning and outside lawn work and clean was written on me from very young and ive always kept a very clean home, until my accident when i literly couldnt and just over time my standards some how changed. Im not ok with it not being very clean and greatly belittle myself for it. I think a huge part of it is depression. My outside is now reflecting my inside and i do think a huge part of it staying that way is depression.
This standard change also went downhill as i was in therapy digging out my past so i think theres a connection there.
I sit here seeing things that need to be cleaned and just belittle myself that its dirty instead of just doing it.
But i need to time it or something because lets say i decide to wipe down the counters before bed, i'll see the front of the cabnets need whipped down, then scrubbed, then the oven that needs scrubbed, then the the floor needs to be swept and mopped, and then since its all connected i'll seeep and mop the whole house (minus the bedrooms) and its like 3 am and ive been cleaning for hours and then cant move as my pain is very high.
So i should find a way to time myself or break it all into several days.
Thanks
@She Cat, you helped me see that the standards at which i kept my home has drastically changed over the last 8 years, and possibly why. I can work with the pain. I think the depression or reflecting my insides is the main issue and the main thing thats kept me from cleaning it.