How to overcome self-pity?


First and foremost, every feeling is fine when it comes even if it is homicidal cause the funny thing is, all feelings pass! hopefully without us acting on all of them. And if we have time to act on every feeling we will never get anything else done in life!

Now that out of the way, your post is extremely double bind so challenging it is hard to respond. You are saying I am hungry but I do not want to eat, sleep, or take a walk. I want to be hungry and I do not want you to tell me maybe you need a glass of milk and cookie!

So what you are doing is this: I feel pity. It is bad (really bad) and I do not want to hear about empathy. Tell me something else. and when others tell you just accept the pity, you were not satisfied and if I tell you perhaps this is the right time for empathy inward, you will say no I said no empathy talk. So we are in a vicious cycle! - double-bind is probably IMHO, how a child goes crazy when they are with pathological parent who does something but says the opposite.

So my take is this: first accept you have feelings of pity. Just accept (not enabling) just accept the reality of it and get busy with something else while it comes and goes. If this is going too long and you are like no I do not want to accept. I want to do something about it, then try being grateful that you have an opportunity to know your own mind, affects and feelings and you are exploring ways to do (and this way, yes, empathy will unleash) and you accept or you deny. Your choice. The only way to get out of doublebind mentality is to break the cycle: so either accept accepting pity or empathy but not fight against both.

I hope you get the gist of what I am saying without sounding adversarial to your need of solving this. I will admit, I do it myself sometimes and gosh it is exhausting.


You have no idea the kind of stubborn person I am, haha.
I will not embrace my self-pity. But I get why you guys see it that way and would advocate for embracing it or accepting it, or some thing like that.

But sometimes (and this isn´t easy for people with PTSD) you have to make a clean cut. Just chop it through alright.
I have forced myself past it a couple of times now and it worked. I am feeling more confident and able because I prove I can.

I want to thank Friday specially for the "reversing" thing. And also all of you for commenting :-)
I´d encourage other people to sometimes take a gamble with their emotion and move past it. Emotions are NOT static.